Last line
- Cludgie
- Regular Member
- Posts:90
- Joined:August 16th, 2012, 4:57 pm
- Location:Uk
Studying day break with artisan eyes
Phrases and concepts for poems arise
Pondering the essence of God's great work
Watching His kingdom emerging from murk
High on the hillside, the city below
Street lights are dimming now morning's aglow
Listening to bird song on this still, sunny day
Watching the breeze as dust bunnies play
Morning time marching stoutly to noon
Such beautiful moments passing too soon
Basking and baking in middle-day sun
Each poem discarded, yet barely begun
Oh, the trees and their leaves, the patterns and shade
Late flowers flourish, as spring time blooms fade
Each second a snap-shot that no one else sees
Soon washed out and faded, just past memories
Dipping toes in the river, cooling tired feet
Enjoying sensations as quickly they fleet
Listening to crickets, and the buzzing of bees
Watching a deer pass, 'til startled it flees
Quiet observer, still searching for a way;
To capture the moment, and justly portray
The last school bell ringing now, day's end in sight
Soon all this glory will be shrouded by night
Watching so keenly, too much to miss
As the sun and horizon quietly kiss
Pen upon paper, this must be sublime
He knows he is writing the very last line.
Phrases and concepts for poems arise
Pondering the essence of God's great work
Watching His kingdom emerging from murk
High on the hillside, the city below
Street lights are dimming now morning's aglow
Listening to bird song on this still, sunny day
Watching the breeze as dust bunnies play
Morning time marching stoutly to noon
Such beautiful moments passing too soon
Basking and baking in middle-day sun
Each poem discarded, yet barely begun
Oh, the trees and their leaves, the patterns and shade
Late flowers flourish, as spring time blooms fade
Each second a snap-shot that no one else sees
Soon washed out and faded, just past memories
Dipping toes in the river, cooling tired feet
Enjoying sensations as quickly they fleet
Listening to crickets, and the buzzing of bees
Watching a deer pass, 'til startled it flees
Quiet observer, still searching for a way;
To capture the moment, and justly portray
The last school bell ringing now, day's end in sight
Soon all this glory will be shrouded by night
Watching so keenly, too much to miss
As the sun and horizon quietly kiss
Pen upon paper, this must be sublime
He knows he is writing the very last line.
We see things I'll never see
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:136
- Joined:May 17th, 2012, 5:18 pm
Re: Last line
This poem made me feel so sad, it is filled with lost times and endings and beautiful little insights. I loved how you captured the fading and moving of life here, beginnings and ends in every sense. I also am left wondering why he is writing his very last line. Is he giving up, is he leaving the world, or just moving on to other things.
Great poem - left me very thoughtful indeed.
- ALASKA.
Great poem - left me very thoughtful indeed.
- ALASKA.
Three things cannot be long hidden. The sun, the moon and the truth. - buhdda.
"Hope is the waking dream"
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
- Oscar wilde
"Hope is the waking dream"
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
- Oscar wilde
- songofmeadow
- Elite Member
- Posts:2132
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 3:20 pm
- Location:the bright side
Re: Last line
A poem that celebrates the start and finish of day through the poet's eyes, I thought this lovely and liked the couplet structure and rhyme, mindful of time passing this appears a wistful reminder to make the most of each day, loved it, meadow
Latest...
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:982
- Joined:April 23rd, 2012, 5:24 pm
- Location:Coastline of Mexico
Re: Last line
I would like to second everything Meadow said. The rhyming couplets was a wonderful choice to provide the framework for this poem and I think you did an excellent job of doing that chosen format justice. The appreciative look at the happenings of the day was a pleasure to read. Well done.
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:678
- Joined:June 3rd, 2012, 10:31 am
- Location:Essex , England
Re: Last line
You cover such a wide range of impressions of the poet's experiences throughout a whole day. The couplets make these impressions as fleeting as the memories . I too, was wondering about the last line - did it refer to the poet or God.?
A lovely read, anyway, and worthy of it's Spotlight
--Norman--
A lovely read, anyway, and worthy of it's Spotlight
--Norman--
- songofmeadow
- Elite Member
- Posts:2132
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 3:20 pm
- Location:the bright side
Re: Last line
Cludgie, congrats on the spotlight, a second read and a second reminder, I think it is the fleeting nature of your words that compels, well done, meadow
Latest...
- Patdolan83
- Regular Member
- Posts:423
- Joined:August 29th, 2012, 4:33 pm
- Location:Nottingham Eng UK
Re: Last line
Brilliant write...
"watching so keenly, too much to miss as the sun and horizon quietly kiss"
absolutely beautiful
"watching so keenly, too much to miss as the sun and horizon quietly kiss"
absolutely beautiful
"I wouldn’t want you to want
To be wanted by me
I wouldn’t want you to worry
That You'd be drowned within my sea
I only wanted to be wonderful
And wonderful is true
In truth I only really wanted
To be wanted by you"
D Rice
To be wanted by me
I wouldn’t want you to worry
That You'd be drowned within my sea
I only wanted to be wonderful
And wonderful is true
In truth I only really wanted
To be wanted by you"
D Rice
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:1163
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 2:23 am
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:2426
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 9:46 am
Re: Last line
Such a fresh vivid read! I was taken by the profound images you displayed here, and so enjoyed your subtle choice of theme, along with brilliant flow and rhyme.
Amazing work, and Congrats on the worthy Spotlight!
Sash
Amazing work, and Congrats on the worthy Spotlight!
Sash
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:165
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 12:10 pm
Re: Last line
Hi Cludgie,
Thanks for a most enjoyable read, one where the rhyming couplets are occasionally of the 'heroic' variety. Love The jaunty rhythm in your Last line.
Congrats on the spotlight.
Go well.
Thanks for a most enjoyable read, one where the rhyming couplets are occasionally of the 'heroic' variety. Love The jaunty rhythm in your Last line.
Congrats on the spotlight.
Go well.
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:3627
- Joined:April 17th, 2012, 12:21 am
- Location:Deep in the heart of Texas
Re: Last line
I'd like to echo everything said already. And add this: I love how this can be seen as a metaphor with the Divine as the poet. Spectatularly done. Well deserved.
AMD
AMD
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:6714
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:21 am
Re: Last line
Rhyming couplets are an ideal medium for this kind of poem, and the bounding rhythm added to jovial nature of this poem which managed to convey a variety of natural images in an uplifting way. I like the way the reader can take their own stance from the finale too, it makes me wonder what it is 'the last line' of - the day, or life itself.
Lovely imagery, solid form, and a lovely read. Congratulations on the spotlight!
Lovely imagery, solid form, and a lovely read. Congratulations on the spotlight!
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:679
- Joined:September 26th, 2012, 7:13 pm
- Location:Macon, North Carolina
Re: Last line
A bit too "Goody Goody' for me but well-written none the less! Looking forward to seeing more examples of your work!
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:3145
- Joined:June 19th, 2012, 7:43 am
- Location:here and there
Re: Last line
Yes Cludgie,well done on the spotlight...it's a special time-the quiet time-watching and thinking,alone with the creator....
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:3344
- Joined:April 19th, 2012, 5:28 pm
Re: Last line
A day in the life of a day,in a manner of speaking. I liked how you viewed things and pulled it all together in a well presented piece of writing. The best to you,
dornicks
dornicks
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:757
- Joined:April 20th, 2012, 3:06 pm
Re: Last line
Loved this musing-in-rhyme set of couplets, congratulations on the well-deserved Spot Light, Cludgie!
Kathy
Kathy