Downturn 2

[icecoldethanol]

Why would the sky persist, pale blue?
Still, the mountains sit, ceremoniously,
While into eternity, the sun-dappled sea stretches.
Why must people rush, to this and that and on?
What slight of fate, to appal?
All’s changed today.

One instant. One instant.
The freedom in the fall, buffeted like a rag-doll.

[candlewitch]

hello,

welcome to TPS, it is very nice to meet you. I much appreciated the poignancy of this poem. Especially these last lines that are very powerful:

One instant. One instant.
The freedom in the fall, buffeted like a rag-doll.

always, Cat

[DanInGala]

Hi. This had my conclusions running wild. Firstly the title, like a film sequel, or as if this has happen before. Initially I was expecting the frustration of the opening to continue, the never-changing pace of it all, the insignificance of oneself compared to the consistency of the rat-race and Mother Nature. Yet the ending changed all that, as if all that was now meaningless, and the personal pain of the day had taken over. Indeed, as Cat says, welcome to the Sanctuary. I liked this piece, and I hope to see more. Nicely penned.

D

[everhopeful]

There's an almost serene feel to this one at times, depicted through the imagery and the speaker's confusion over why the world seems in such a rush when it could be as still and constant as the sky and sea. The transition in the later lines cements this poems place in sadness, as well as the feeling it evokes of the speaker's mood, but it's hard to get away from a line as splendid as "While into eternity, the sun-dappled sea stretches".
Enjoyed this one a lot.

[AoR]

I agree with Everhopeful, that line was utterly beautiful. "While into eternity, the sun dappled sea stretches". I loved the image that one line creates. Just breathtaking. This piece has a soft but grim pull, very intense but quietly so. Very well told and has great flow, the last lines were cleverly worded and closed this with a truly gripping sadness. Fantastic writing. And welcome to the Sanctuary!

[icecoldethanol]

Thanks for your kind words, they're much appreciated! I would also like some critism though if you have it, what could I improve?

[miharu]

That last line makes me read the poem in a different context... Almost like skydiving! That really puts a spin on things, as the speaker is IN the blue sky instead of just viewing it, and above the mountains instead of looking up to them. Very interesting, this literal and mental change of context.

[garic]

Some moments seem a blur and others seem slow and savoured. Like miharu, I also saw the skydiving in this piece.

[everhopeful]

It's particularly interesting to re-read this one and savour the effect of the final line all over again. The fall might come with 'freedom' attached, but it's a twisted kind of freedom when it can only be found from taking a dive. It makes me see this poem in a very dark light, perhaps even bordering on tragic.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[tangerinepie]

What a wonderful sense of peace I felt reading this well constructed poem.It made time stop as I read.The last two lines captured a memorable visual..Delightful spotlight choice.Well done..Tangie..

[QuietAstronomer]

Welcome to TPS.
A very profound piece bundled into a minimalist composure.
Deeply enriching.
Thanks for sharing and Congrats on Spotlight for this piece.


QA

[CarolynKleefeld]

Ah, this is beautiful, insightful, and inspirational--in so few words. A delight to read.