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[I May Be Insane]

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You left me on the mountain,
lying in the dirt with the
sun painting a target on my back.
I can still feel the grit in my teeth,
the only texture I had left.
My nose has a permanent line in its cartilage
because it couldn't support my weight.
Like my spine, it buckled
when I needed it the most.
My spinal fluid leaked around
with nothing else to do.
My nerves exalted joy
as their freedom they pursued.
My brain continued working,
and there I was,
left to index
the devices I maintained.

It was as if God had used me
as a decorative balloon
for a party to which
I wasn't invited.
Encased in blubber,
I felt as a seal looks,
my body swishing back and forth
with the moving of my head
in an opposing rhythm.
"Stay still.
Help will be here soon."
Oh, how wrong I was!

My first helicopter ride
was less than enthralling.
The sky was as blue as my
mood, the flight as fleeting
as my fear.
I asked the paramedic if he
would have to amputate my legs.
Unfortunately, he said no.
It's easier to walk
with no legs than two bum ones.
They serve as a reminder
to not bother checking
for monsters before bed.
Everything I fear
will be right here,
attached but unwilling,
in pain
with no feeling.

I slept through the
entire twelve-hour surgery.
A stranger flayed my back open
after a period of three days.
He carved into my hip
in the shape of a vertebrae
to replace the one I'd lost.
He made a cage of metal.
My nerves would not accost.
I came to and tossed,
writhed and screamed,
re-birthing myself into
a new reality.
The pain came flooding in,
drowning the better parts
of me for nearly
the next decade.

Therapy was a b-----.
Morning after morning
I'd wake up wanting to die.
My mother kept me moving forward.
She had traveled back in time
with the regression of her son.
She was teaching me to walk
all over again.
We would both fail this time.
The diapers would stay
longer than our
hope for redemption.

Once walking became
a superpower
I accepted my mortal ways.
I still depress about the
things I cannot do,
the things I cannot see,
all because my physical
freedom was torn
away from me.
Eventually I realize
that I'll be fine,
and to stop my complaining.
My brain has lapped my body
ten-fold in the interim.
I have transformed
into a collection
of neurons that can't
be built by normal lives.
I needed this to happen
to tell you how I feel.

You left me on the mountain.
I crawled my way back home.

[DreamerSeeker]

Nicely written! Keep on writing! :)

[I May Be Insane]

Nicely written! Keep on writing! :)

Thank you kindly and I'll do just that!

[candlewitch]

hello,

I can really relate to the feelings expressed in this piece! welcome to TPS!

always, Cat

[Josie]

Your powerful prose like poem used images that grabbed my mind and sprinkled the heart stopping narrative with some internal rhyme. I liked the juxtaposition of where the desirable blue sky and fun, thrilling helicopter ride opens the reader to experience the Narrator's nightmare through his senses. I felt like I was right there on the mountain where the N was lying in the dirt and feeling the grit in his teeth. Another favorite image was when the Narrator felt encased in blubber and felt as a seal looks. The lengthy surgery and the long therapy sessions gradually led the Narrator to realize that he would be fine. Although his body suffered greatly, there was the time, too, he endured while his brain lapped his body 'ten-fold in the interim. This could be an observed or real experience. It could also be a metaphor describing abandonment. Thank goodness, Narrator had a mother who was there to encourage him. This was quite an ambitious work. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

[msebert72]

What a heart wrenching story! Filled with so many poetic devices. The God Ballon analogy was spot on. Wow just Wow.