Humanizing me

[Karla]

She needs to tell me her newly-born truth
as if I could accept the unacceptable.
I pretend I am contemplating the clouds drawing
soft patterns in the sky behind my sunshades.
I dare say it is a tragedy for a woman my age
but there are those who would say I should be
more flexible, more adaptable, more modern,
more something which is not available on the shelves
or easily bought. I should blame my upbringing
for my unconscious crimes, accusing my mother
of telling me things which are not important anymore
or maybe it would be easier if I could just understand her.
But I can't and it is outrageous not to be in tune with
what is progressive, innovative, contemporary.
(can't remember more synonyms)

Words jump out of her mouth all of a sudden and take me hostage.
It is a dangerous moment of surrender to powerlessness.
It is suffocating me. Can't breathe, can't move,
can't say anything because nothing I could say
would correct her mistakes and it is strange to be weak,
to be old, to ignore this generation gap sleeping between us.
Maybe I should put the blame on the rapid cultural change.
Maybe I...I...I have to re-read again all those psychologists
and philosophers or dig some encyclopedia for an answer.
I am tired though.
I don't want to be different and it is impossible
to be different right now after a dictatorship, after communism,
after so many private earthquakes and arguments

With my hands covering my ears, I recoil, weeping,
feeling betrayed, feeling her eyes lost between
love and time.

And annihilated I am trying to learn how to be human
again.

Karla Bardanza

[Kornelia]

Karla,
As we are on the path of life, there are always many stages and in several of them we transform through things we bump into. It always is a process to remain your status as a human being, the challenge is to not get too lost and stick to your own personal values....
Thanks for sharing,

Kornelia

[Dew]

the son in me laments the loss of that part of my innocence when I learned my mother and father were not always right and not always doing what was best for me. The father in me wants to yell 'what in the world have you done now girl?' Its strange to exist as both a father and a son, but its helpful to know that I can no more ask imperfect parents to stop loving me than I could stop imperfectly loving my own children. weird. I enjoyed reading this...got me thinking - mostly that I've learned not to place too much trust in people and their personal values...LEAST of all my OWN lol! - dew

[dwells]

Speaking volumes here Karla on a subject that we seem to rationalize over time to give it the fascade of acceptability; knowing we have done irreparable harm to ourselves as well, with our own decisions and actions that will forever haunt. Sad cheers here for some superior writing on a tough topic always - Dan
We make our own mistakes along the way and there will be an accounting.

[JASON]

heavy writing - not living up to expectations...
Incredible how some holds on us stay strong after so many years...
enjoy your spotlight.

[INFPoet]

I feel the struggle in this. I am intrigued by the expression you use of "private earthquakes", and the part near the end where you write "feeling her eyes lost between love and time." Generational gaps can be difficult things, and it's easy to feel judged for either being too traditional or too modern. But somehow we all have to live in the same world. Good job, Karla!

~INFPoet