Selfishly, You Went
- miharu
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written circa winter 2012
--
I find you everywhere,
Settled amid flour, or
Soap cracks during wine baths,
Serving up vague remembrances of
Actions long gone by.
There is never any room,
But wound into cracks and crannies,
You have stolen your fit.
There is balance in the space of living-
Rhythm and cadence and building
to forever combat breaking.
I would search for peace
Somewhere if you’d let me,
By dancing on your headstone to
Juxtapose the sadness of goodbye.
I still find you in cold snow
Between my toes and while
Holding live coals to fight the dark.
“Why say yes when you can say no?”
I watched with baited breath
As you blew out your light.
I swore I would wait out your
Splinters and half pieces
And replace your cells with
New holes of my own.
Daily I keep cutting parts
And mending threads to make a whole,
You will find me dancing
Some winter on a gravestone
And won’t dare to sing along.
--
I find you everywhere,
Settled amid flour, or
Soap cracks during wine baths,
Serving up vague remembrances of
Actions long gone by.
There is never any room,
But wound into cracks and crannies,
You have stolen your fit.
There is balance in the space of living-
Rhythm and cadence and building
to forever combat breaking.
I would search for peace
Somewhere if you’d let me,
By dancing on your headstone to
Juxtapose the sadness of goodbye.
I still find you in cold snow
Between my toes and while
Holding live coals to fight the dark.
“Why say yes when you can say no?”
I watched with baited breath
As you blew out your light.
I swore I would wait out your
Splinters and half pieces
And replace your cells with
New holes of my own.
Daily I keep cutting parts
And mending threads to make a whole,
You will find me dancing
Some winter on a gravestone
And won’t dare to sing along.
- Chelle
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
i missed you dreadfully. and this is why. I wish i could go dancing on a gravestone someday myself. well maybe two.
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
this was great poetry....the way you presented it, it's wonderful, even in its feelings...i have liked this piece a lot, thank you for that,
D
D
Re: Selfishly, You Went
Wow, miharu. What powerful imagery. What incredible allusions. A fantastic poem.
AMD
AMD
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
Even within an anger poem you have written this so elegantly, it's really a remarkable read. I think the way you have emphasised the lingering nature of the emotion, like being stuck with a permanent hangover, makes it easy to understand just why the speaker needs closure so badly, because when it crops up in the smaller details of life it's a lot harder to manage.
Excellent writing.
Excellent writing.
- the quiet poet
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
I love the rich vocabulary. Great work. Hopefully I'll get to read some more great stuff from you in the future!
- tangerinepie
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
Hello..How can one find words to express the brilliance of this poem? It really is too remarkable to think of adequate accolades.It is absolutely one of the finest writes I have seen in ages, and I mean that sincerely.Thank you so much for sharing..Tangie..
- Ladywildalice
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
The musicality of this piece reminds me of a melody sung by a wandering minstrel, winding down a dark pathway through a wooded wander-land, telling a tale for lonely nights and longing ears. Excellent and so vibrant. Much appreciated
'Where ecstasy leaves gravity and dances with wild eyes' by Ladywildalice
- miharu
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
One for each foot, or two for twice the cathartic release! Let me know when you go - I could use a dancing buddy so I don't lose myself in melancholy over here!Chelle wrote:i missed you dreadfully. and this is why. I wish i could go dancing on a gravestone someday myself. well maybe two.
No no, thank you for reading! Your appreciation means so much. (:Mr D wrote:this was great poetry....the way you presented it, it's wonderful, even in its feelings...i have liked this piece a lot, thank you for that,
D
I am humbled by your kind words. (: I only hope to continue to live up to them!AliMariesDad wrote:Wow, miharu. What powerful imagery. What incredible allusions. A fantastic poem.
AMD
Lingering and simmering, and no matter how much poetry I write I continue to find these emotions scattered around. Ugh. Thank you for reading; in a way, sharing helps most of all.everhopeful wrote:Even within an anger poem you have written this so elegantly, it's really a remarkable read. I think the way you have emphasised the lingering nature of the emotion, like being stuck with a permanent hangover, makes it easy to understand just why the speaker needs closure so badly, because when it crops up in the smaller details of life it's a lot harder to manage.
Excellent writing.
It would be my pleasure if you were able to! Thanks for commenting. (:the quiet poet wrote:I love the rich vocabulary. Great work. Hopefully I'll get to read some more great stuff from you in the future!
How can I find the words to thank you for this review? You are much to kind, and I am humbled by your words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!tangerinepie wrote:Hello..How can one find words to express the brilliance of this poem? It really is too remarkable to think of adequate accolades.It is absolutely one of the finest writes I have seen in ages, and I mean that sincerely.Thank you so much for sharing..Tangie..
What a lovely image! Thank you for reading, and commenting to share your thoughts. It is much appreciated. (:Ladywildalice wrote:The musicality of this piece reminds me of a melody sung by a wandering minstrel, winding down a dark pathway through a wooded wander-land, telling a tale for lonely nights and longing ears. Excellent and so vibrant. Much appreciated
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
I love what you do with 'language' when you write! It's beyond the wonderful command of the metaphor, it has a very Plath-esque feel to it and that makes me giddy with delight! Each line just plays perfectly into the next, it seems effortless and it reads like a dream! Love, love, love this!
I wonderful piece lassie! ( that's the pirate in me talking )
-R
xoxo
Oh, and I'm bookmarking this piece for my very private and high end collection! Thanks for the wonderful contribution!
I wonderful piece lassie! ( that's the pirate in me talking )
-R
xoxo
Oh, and I'm bookmarking this piece for my very private and high end collection! Thanks for the wonderful contribution!
- miharu
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
Well, I must confess to not knowing what you mean by "Plath-esque", but I certainly am curious! Do you mean Sylvia Plath?ladymaybebaby wrote:I love what you do with 'language' when you write! It's beyond the wonderful command of the metaphor, it has a very Plath-esque feel to it and that makes me giddy with delight! Each line just plays perfectly into the next, it seems effortless and it reads like a dream! Love, love, love this!
I wonderful piece lassie! :pirate: ( that's the pirate in me talking )
-R
xoxo
Oh, and I'm bookmarking this piece for my very private and high end collection! Thanks for the wonderful contribution!
To your other comments, I can only offer a "thank you" filled with gratitude for your reading. (:
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
You are a very talented poet, miharu. It is easy to tell that you truly have a special knack for poetry. Fantastic poem from you as usual.
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
Maybe what I like most about this poem is its use of metaphor to express a sense of loss and even impotence in the face of loss. It gives the poem a certain solemnity. The language is very well suited to the purpose of communicating emotion and to creating visual images that are powerful and poignant.
- Jovel320
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
A reminder of how we are remembered by our loved ones. I like the last 2 stanzas best and you had great usage of language and phrasing in those. Thanks for sharing and congrats on the spotlight.!!
Jovel
Jovel
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Re: Selfishly, You Went
An admirable write, to the point of being enviable. A picture in words. ( Careful it's not a sea burial!). A worthy chioce for the spotlight.
dornicks
dornicks
- jsol
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