Damning Moon

[jeremyf]

Damn this pale bright
Spot light from a pockmarked moon.

Damn this tattle tale moon light
Flooding bright right through
Filthy-nailed blocking fingers.

Damn this shiny night,
An alarming moon’s light
Sheeting down like blood
Racing from an open wound.

Just damn this blood flowing light
Pouring right past hindering hands
Helpless to lessen the illuminated night
And the this ugly ground of truth
Now revealed around... below.

[sicksoul]

I really loved the ferocity of this piece. When even the moon seems too bright, illuminating the reality of a situation, the "ugly truth", this is the very raw result. Well penned sir.

[ladylilith]

Hey Jer! I love it when you post in Darkness, I always feel like I learn so much from your writes and feel the urge to write my own! 'Tis true, 'tis true. I like the way you look at things, the oddly capturing descriptions. And you picked a great subject here. I couldn't help but compare this a little to the same hold the moon has in Jane Eyre (bear with me, it's one of the texts I'm studying at the moment, don't shoot me!) but it's particularly prevelant in that the moon has such a power over us really. Little winking orb up there..

But anyway, back to business! I think what I admire most about this piece is the careful use of repetition and rhyme. Very clever writing here. I thought there was more to explore in this piece htan a first read could provide. So I'll be back!

Lily^^

[everhopeful]

This is dark - literally & figuratively speaking - there's something rather deliciously malevolant about someone so much more comfortable in the darkness that the light of the moon offends them. Up until the finale I was quite contented by that being the driving force behind the poem, however the conclusion ramped it up another level by revealing that the speaker hated the moonlight so much because of the truth it would reveal. The subtleties of the form are also duly noted and admired.

[Jahaliel]

Brilliant! I love the way this oozes with darkness, it's just very well written left me in awe. Congrats on a well deserved Spotlight.

[ladylilith]

So so glad this got a shiny place in the Spotlight. In all the darkness this can boast, it positively gleams! I'm captured by it this time reading it as much as the first. Congrats!!! It's a super piece.

Lily^^

[miharu]

I found myself immensely pleased by the planning of the stanzas of this piece. I felt that strength was lent to the "illumination" theme of the piece as each stanza gained one more line than the previous. The imagery of the 3rd stanza was probably my favorite.

- miharu

[Rassy48]

Jeremy,
I must agree with my TPS friends. Wonder contrasting between the luminecence of the moon and the darkness. I'm reading thinking "How can anyone be this angry with the moon? It's beautiful!" Then BAM! That last line came up and knocked me on the head! Super job. Congrats on "The Spotlight".
Joanne

[everhopeful]

Hehe, this is quality work, and darkness writing of the highest calibre. I think the fact it's relatively understated and draws much of the metaphorical darkness from imagery and inference that it gives it an even greater impact. Glad to see this one again, in the board where it belongs!
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[ladymaybebaby]

I love to curse the damn moon myself, so I was really taken by this piece! The moon is not always beautiful and your words are a perfect testament to that very image... congrats on a most well deserved spotlight pick!

-LMB
xoxo

[SirFleshwound]

This piece brings an overwhelming feeling of exposure, revealing what the writer wants to be concealed. Somehow, the purity of the light from the flawed orb is transformed into something sinister and unwelcome. A very interesting twist that captivates. Congratulations!

[Ladywildalice]

This kind of read like a "Out Spot, Out I Say" bit of writing, a denouncement, a declaration of ire and frustration, anger and underlying hate. I really liked it. Congrats on the spotlight for this well deserving piece.

[musie]

Jeremy~An awesome piece from your pen...that first line really snagged my attention...LOVE that bit of imagery..an the whole thing is so telling of how a moon can illuminate harsh realities that we would really rather have blocked out of our mind's let alone our senses....and this does get to the reader's senses...Just a great write and it's good to read you...CONGRATULATIONS on the Spotlight! Most deserved...Musie

[Sasha]

Though, unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to read your work in the past, but this is a great a chance to do so and even better to read it under the Spotlight!
I, too, loved the repitition, internal rhyme, it has such a steady sophisticated tone, that pulls the reader in, it was loaded with a bit of anger and hate about the whole revelation process, making this piece such a clever stunning one with great imagery.
Congratulations on the deserved Spotlight!

Sash

[inflames]

Jeremy, it really is a pleasure to read your work. This is wonderful. Short and sweet, but the word choice (especially the tattle tale moon light part) is wonderfully done and really makes the reader think closely about what they are saying. I love this. Congrats on your well deserved spotlight!