The Smoke and Drink

[evanlovett]

They make mark of these great dilapidators
and paint themselves as martyrs.

Yes, the smoke and the drink,
we must fix that.

Culling affection
in unnoticed, jaded reflections
with intent to quell the “insurrection”

Its about the beauty of the little things,
did you miss that?

Unbeknownst, I am my own appraiser
whose ledgers scream departure.

For life is business
and I shall divest in this array.

Burning organs,
Drinking in torrents,
It is all I warrant.

For I shall not witness
the death of the day.

[DanInGala]

Hi, and wow. Sometimes you read a piece, interpret it through your own eyes and experiences, and then arrive at exactly the same place as the writer. I was nodding all the way through, my life was this for 2 years, drinking and other things, just so I could close my eyes and hide from the day. I thought the final lines were terrific. I remember my stomach and throat burning every day, and all I did was to drink more to kill the pain, it was what I deserved wasn't it??!? A stunning write, its presentation, diction and imagery are all united in an aim, and for me, it hit the target right in the middle.

D

[everhopeful]

In the most complimentary way possible, this is an absolutely grim read. Sometimes I'd use the term 'resigned', but it goes beyond that to the point where the speaker is almost having a perverse celebration of the damage these life crutches do to them. Your phrasing was excellent, stanza three being a prime example of that with the sharp internal rhymes, and the sense of self-induced necrosis is palpable.
A very harsh and emotive read.

[Chelle]

Yeah I can picture the narrator standing there taunting and yelling at death were he to come. Lot of anger here at the situation.

[Auset]

"...death of the day" very well put. Raging against life is a necessary part of the process, although it does not seem to tame it. Thank you.