The Asylum (language)

[batsforbrains]

Been awhile since I posted anything, but here's a new piece I thought was worthwhile. Hope you enjoy it, any feedback os much appreciated. Thanks everyone.

Murderers, cheats,
And dirty operaters,
Chronic m---------,
Junkies and fiends,
They say life is but a nightmare,
They all know what it means,
And the inmates take over the asylum,

You keep your ambien fever dreams,
And your sick hallucinations,
Your politics, your dirty tricks,
And greedy machinations,
I'll take my chances, where everything is fair,
When the inmates take over the asylum.

I used to cry out,
I used to wonder why,
There's people starvin' on the street,
And innocence always dies,
But then one day I realized,
It's just someones little game,
And if we don't know how to play it,
Then we'll all end up the same,
If a man tries to take a stand,
Then they'll always cut him down,
Cut him down out the tree,
Let his body hit the ground,
They say the more things change,
The more they stay the same,
Well that's true but these days,
A grain of truth,
Ain't woth a slice of bread worth of grain.

Do you hear these words I'm speaking?
Does it sound alright to you?
Maybe you're just like me,
You're a little crazy too,
They say that crazies will travel in packs,
Packin' truth but not the facts,
When the inmates take over the asylum.

[batsforbrains]

Just realized it edited my word... well in case you didn't figure it out from the context, its something you do by yourself and rhymes with operater... hopefully not having the word doesn't screw up the way it reads...

[TripleP]

Next time use the word Onanist.
Quite a powerful metaphor you've constructed here. Angst ridden, yet within that anguish is found a touch of hope. Dark, and yet within that darkness we see a pinprick of light. The second stanza is the stronger of the two, but the entire poem is outstanding!

[The Void One]

angry write. would've liked it to be a bit more descriptive and specific, but this will do
i liked that wit at the end

[batsforbrains]

angry write. would've liked it to be a bit more descriptive and specific, but this will do
i liked that wit at the end

Worked on it some more and got a little more specific. Hope you guys like what I added. Worked a lot on it before but after getting some feedback ideas just started spilling out in my notebook. Thanks.

[dwells]

Hi BFB and this one line needs some clarification (at least for me): "Ain't woth a slice of bread worth of grain". The rest of the piece was wonderful and the line repetition really drove it home. We share much of the same views and someday "we" will outnumber "them" (if we don't already) - cheers!

[batsforbrains]

Today a grain of truth,
Ain't worth a slice of bread,
Worth of grain.

Grains of truth, bread is made of grain. Truth means nothing anymore. Ect. Please excuse my typo.

[dwells]

Thanks for the clarification BFB and I was thinking something too along those same lines; when that grain of truth is sliced to make the bread - much appreciated - Dan

[batsforbrains]

Np thanks for reading my stuff.

[VeiledPrincess]

Great rambling about the dirty truth. I really liked this.

[batsforbrains]

thanks! I really appreciate that.

[clinical3ace]

There is a lot of truth in your poem. I really like the title.

[karrie]

This grabbed me and shook me! Well done and congrats on the Spotlight!

[LorettaYoung]

Congratulations; I think anger needs to be known about corruption and societal dissonance. Just a funny thought; what if the inmates have already take over the asylums. Loretta

[batsforbrains]

Thanks everyone! I'm honored to be picked this month!

[BarryC]

fully deserves the spotlight