The Ring on my Right Hand

[opsacarlson]

My right hand feels heavier today,
and my heart a little older,
My left hand feels lighter today,
and my bed a little colder.

My house sounds quieter today,
and my lungs nearly vacant,
My commute sounds louder today,
and my mind nearly absent.

My garden smells barren today,
and my back, quite sore,
My garbage smells fruitful today,
and my suit, well worn.

My life looks a bit empty today,
and my wrists jarred,
My death looks a bit empty today,
and my hands scarred.










I think it's most striking to leave it short at the first stanza.

[miharu]

I have no idea why I am the first comment on this lovely piece. From the very beginning, I was captured by the lilting rhyme and swept along by the lovely cadence you've infused into this poem. I love how your have shown of the loss of a loved one can touch all the little areas of life, as well as the big ones. Beautifully written, and I hope it brought some catharsis.

[Dew]

Magnificent! I'm glad you chose to introduce the reason for the sadness early and then let it settle on the reader in the following stanzas...if it were revealed at the end it might have felt gimmicky and melodramatic...but the chosen approach makes the end of a close relationship apparent for what it truly is...life changing tragedy...what is a home afterwards? - dew

[QuietAstronomer]

Totally overflowing with emotion and sadness, opsa.
Well constructed.
Such a visually pleasing piece to read as well.
This resonated deeply with me and I thank you for that connection.


QA

[domvanday]

This is heartbreaking, especially to those of us that have experienced this. The rhyme, which is beautifully constructed, give a feeling of 'light', so upon understanding of the piece, the impact of total emptiness was much greater. It worked a treat. Very moving, and congrats on the deserved spotlight.

[opsacarlson]

Woah, didn't expect to ever get a spotlight....
THANKS EVERYONE

[inflames]

This is a beautiful piece of poetry. I adore the subtly and the phrases are wonderfully detailed. Well done! Congrats on your spotlight.

[artists_death]

this poem has stuck with me, i keep coming back and re-reading it!

[JASON]

unfaithfulness in a marriage has to be one of the most painful things a human
can experience - you have conveyed this heart break convincingly - well done.
With the repeated words 'my' and 'today' you have emphasized the personal,
real time devastation taking place.

[peterandrewday]

A lifetime in lyrics, skillful use of imagery which takes the reader to the perspective from which you are looking at your life. 'My garbage smells fruitful' and 'My death looks a bit empty' are striking. Well done on the Spotlight.

[tangerinepie]

So purely expressed with choice wording that emphasized the loss with conviction.A very smooth read that captured the emotions well..Great spotlight choice..Tangie..

[Josie]

The emotional meaning of the poem was not lost with all the structure that was added to the poem. I enjoyed the repetition at the beginning of every second line, the repetition at the ending of the first and third line of each stanza. The contrasts of heavier, lighter in the first stanza about how the hands feel, quieter and louder sounds in the second stanza, barren and fruitful smells in the third stanza, and how empty both life and death look in the final quatrain. Your poem was rich with its design. Thank you for sharing and Congrats on the TPS spotlight recognition.