we used to

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
Post Reply
Jennywasafriend
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:149
Joined:November 15th, 2012, 6:48 pm
we used to

Post by Jennywasafriend » July 4th, 2014, 9:50 pm

underneath lake stars
we used to
win wars
underneath fireworks
we used to
write books

underneath ocean froth
we used to
smoke and cough
underneath bed sheets
we used to
eat and tweet


when you needed someone
you used to
get so close to me
when you needed something
you used to
post on my news feed

vacations, holidays
everything in between
we used to



User avatar
allmirth
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:4578
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 5:20 pm
Location:Cajun Country

Re: we used to

Post by allmirth » July 4th, 2014, 11:23 pm

The sense of loss and wistful longing is easy to relate to.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy :lovey:


Image

karrie
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:3627
Joined:April 17th, 2012, 12:21 am
Location:Deep in the heart of Texas

Re: we used to

Post by karrie » July 5th, 2014, 9:38 am

I really like the first stanza of this. The feeling of loss reached out to me. Well done!



everhopeful
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:6714
Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:21 am

Re: we used to

Post by everhopeful » July 5th, 2014, 3:17 pm

I think this is a really clever piece; perhaps I'm just being a little slow tonight but the significance of 'we used to' didn't really hit me until the very final line. Up until then I found it easy to relate to the direct descriptions of the relationship and enjoy the simple pleasures they once brought. Then the final line made it all click in to place.
Very effective work, I like this a lot.



ladymaybebaby
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:5371
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 11:37 am
Location:dying in the heat and humidity that is New Orleans

Re: we used to

Post by ladymaybebaby » July 8th, 2014, 2:03 pm

First congratulations on the spotlight pick of the week it is much deserved! I love the flow of this piece... it's easy and it a most enjoyable read. I do love the trendy things you've added to it ( like the tweeting ) that makes this one your own! I also have a huge love for repetition so I fell hard for the "we used to" in the lines... well done and a pleasure to read!

-LMB
xoxo


Image

Dew and I want you in our posse! Just PM us!


My latest poem: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42651

Jennywasafriend
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:149
Joined:November 15th, 2012, 6:48 pm

Re: we used to

Post by Jennywasafriend » July 8th, 2014, 2:07 pm

Thanks again everybody! Very flattered at all the kind words!



JASON
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:3145
Joined:June 19th, 2012, 7:43 am
Location:here and there

Re: we used to

Post by JASON » July 9th, 2014, 6:57 am

I like the way you put vacations and holidays first, as opposed
to the everyday, boring week days (showing the fun you used to have).
also loved the thought of winning wars...
super job jenny - congrats on the light. :thumb:



LorettaYoung
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:984
Joined:April 6th, 2014, 6:03 pm
Location:Woodstock, NY

Re: we used to

Post by LorettaYoung » July 9th, 2014, 7:57 am

Hi Jenny: Very nice writing, the repetition of "used to" carries you along until it hits you; all the loss. Well done and my congratulation. Loretta



devious83
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:509
Joined:December 18th, 2013, 4:44 pm

Re: we used to

Post by devious83 » July 11th, 2014, 2:51 pm

Congrats on the spotlight! Loved the first stanza.


Presenting: The 'Animated Poetry' Gospel For your enjoyment.

Post Reply