Dust Spinner (IK)

[sparky21737]

The wind birthed me one hot summer’s day
She gathered up the leaves and sand
And spun them round so I could stand

My body had no eyes so I could not see the day
But I could feel the summer heat
Feel the vibrations of many feet

I could not move from where I spun
But I could still smell the salt from the sea
The scent of trees and flowers the wind carried back to me

And the wind added more dust as I spun
Spilled the sounds of human talk
The song birds’ cry and the screech of the hawk

But soon I noticed I started spinning slowly
I began to lose my leaves and sand
And it became harder and harder to stand

Soon I was little more than dust rotating slowly
I could hear the wind was crying
And I knew she too was dying

[ladylilith]

Aw, how sad! You made such a moving character out of the 'dust spinner'- and I enjoyed experiencing the world from their perspective. It's interesting to experience things through something completely unthought of before. A really lovely piece- I enjoyed feeling it along with the speaker.

Lily^^

[David Wayne]

What a great use of a metaphor.

Great writing IMO

David

[Mike6]

At first I thought you were going to go w/ a creationist style approach, creating human out of nature..butt hen I realized it ran deeper. You personified nature and saw the world, forgive the pun, through its eyes. I felt the sadness toward the end of this piece. Really, really powerful writing. Great work.

[ladymaybebaby]

This is really a cool piece! So this is how a nature write is done! Love the concept and the way you've executed this one... it has a 'gentle' feel even though you are talking about nature/forces... It's also really neat for me to see the way you've dotted this piece with so many strong images of the world around the 'spinner'. I felt as if I were along for the ride. So well done! Spinning the IK, today! ( sorry, bout that! )

-LMB
xoxo

[things_i_wrote]

this is very clever sparky i think it's the start of a season?
i like the idea of spinning dust that gathers every thing then she starts to loose and to die
that was brilliant i also noticed that you made the last word of the first line of every two stanzas to be the same word and that was hard to do ...and it was clever tho
nice IK

cheers..TIW

[songofmeadow]

Another strong poem from your poem, I too like the thought that nature has/does have the power to create and destroy simultaneously, I also like the fragility of what is created, very poetic imo mx

[Dew]

Truly remarkable. The delicate application of a little bit of form and rhyme with the unique decision to personify a dust devil...those alone couldn't predict how wonderfully this poem spun in and out of existence! I am stunned!!!!! Exalt! Bravo!! I adore the way you ended it! The spinner and wind dying together...I swooned. - dew

[everhopeful]

I couldn't help but see this as being like an allegory for the planet itself, seemingly created from nothing, incredibly powerful while it lasts, but slowly fading away to nothing. As already mentioned above, the use of personification is strong in this one, I think it makes it easier for the reader to connect to an element of nature, yet the sadness we feel at the end is very much for nature, but only because you made it possible.
A really enjoyable read.

[AoR]

I am deeply in awe. The delicate telling of this piece grips the reader into a world, beyond what the eyes see and more in tune with the heart and just fills the soul with feels. Amazing and effortlessly consuming, captivating. The close holds a sadness, a tragedy beyond the physical understanding, its deep and its touching. Another piece that is perfectly rendered and stays with the reader long after. Ace words!

[dwells]

Wonderful personification of a dust devil Sparky. They are called "waterspouts" when they occur over water; mini-tornados or cyclonic wannbees. Cheers and now I'm dizzy! ("He who sows the wind shall reap the whirlwind" - something from the Bible). Cheers! - Dan

[sparky21737]

Thank you all for the kind comments.

[allmirth]

Ever late to the party. Great personification. I like the way you give life to dust with your words, just like the wind does in nature.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy

[Jaz]

Your personification is beautiful as I think many people have pointed out, but it doesn't hurt to say it again because it's amazingly written. This is very beautifully crafted from beginning to end and I particularly enjoyed that final verse. Magnificent piece :)

[shays1]

Congratulations Sparky. This was a great read and very inspirational as well. I have to agree with all the above comments adding that the last two lines clinched the deal for me. That's a wrap! Bravo!

[potentialpoet]

Very imaginative piece! I liked the way you conceived of the metaphorical man and carried this through.
I'm sure the wind, and everything else is dying, and if I have faith in anything, it's the idea of cycles, the birth, death, and rebirth concept. So the sadness is only temporary.

[sparky21737]

Thank you all for tje comments . It means alot to me

[JASON]

I really love the opening 3 lines - you created a masterpiece.
splendid work.

[inflames]

This is a lovely poem. Congrats on a very week deserved spotlight! All of the IK posts probably deserve their own little reward; such a challenge in itself.

[sparky21737]

Thanks again for commenting :)