Once I was a Tree

Post by **DanaMonroe** » August 28th, 2014, 2:32 pm

Through the merest of breeze
I yield my shape to oblong.
Right angles blur within this acute,
sad-like, as a window with the weight of too many bricks upon it.

With every sunset, each pane shatters into reflective splinters of ash,
too many and far too sharp to reconcile from the poetic sand.
Once I was spine'd, green and grand,
a Redwood or an Oak oozing sap and resin,
I touched heaven through the winking wisp of my highest leaf.

Only in reluctance, this frame will never crack nor snap.
Even when eaten near to desiccation
with knots so tight within a musky air of condensation
with virgin paint now a long lost recollection, I am,
sadly, beyond the help of your yearly hesitation,
beyond the preservative of everyday love and care.

I was your oxygen.
Once I was a tree.

Post by **everhopeful** » August 29th, 2014, 12:52 pm

Welcome to TPS!
It's nice to see someone start posting with us by sharing such a deep piece written as an extended metaphor, particularly as it creates an image for the reader to appreciate while understanding the deeper context.
The ending is particularly emotive, as even though the speaker has been reduced to nothing but a shell of their former self, it shows they were a giver in their life, and it seems as though that kindness eventually became their undoing.
Hope you enjoy the site!

Post by **amaranthus** » August 31st, 2014, 3:33 pm

Welcome to the sanctuary. Beautifully written, full of emotion I'm sure many can relate to. Well done, hope to see more.

Post by **JASON** » September 2nd, 2014, 4:27 am

the metaphor worked splendidly - from something so alive
to something so sterile...the glass splintering into ash was
particularly eye catching.
Welcome to tps! impressive opening poem.

Post by **shays1** » September 2nd, 2014, 4:58 am

Metaphorically woven in and out of a brave acceptance of the reality of who "I am, was and will be".
I loved it!
thanks for shayring!

Post by **things_i_wrote** » September 3rd, 2014, 3:51 am

amazing metaphor here i liked how you opened it up and closed it at the end
very nice way of writing this is amazing poem

cheers..TIW

Post by **Balustrade** » September 6th, 2014, 12:57 pm

The last two lines are spoken so matter of factly yet they are drenched with sadness. Masterful writing with detail that challenges the mind and evokes emotion and compassion.

Post by **DanaMonroe** » September 7th, 2014, 7:08 am

Thank you everyone! Your comments are a delight.

Post by **songofmeadow** » September 8th, 2014, 3:42 am

A late welcome to TPS, I too enjoyed this deft application of metaphor, a tree was well chosen as it naturally has its own seasons and ultimate death and I was very taken with the lines 'once I was spine'd, green and grand' and the lines that followed, there is so much majesty in your chosen trees, lovely mx

Post by **Gerson** » September 8th, 2014, 11:12 pm

A wonderfully obscure concept that is realised effectively. There should be more of this around. Fantastic write, really enjoyed it. Thank you.

Post by **Gerson** » August 18th, 2019, 11:30 pm

i still love this poem

Post by **rupertpupkin** » September 17th, 2019, 5:25 pm

Wonderful poem. Well done on the spotlight

Post by **Josie** » September 27th, 2019, 11:11 pm

The ending was a powerful punch. Personification of the tree was well done. I felt the passion of the tree describing its early days:
Once I was spine'd, green and grand,
a Redwood or an Oak oozing sap and resin,
I touched heaven through the winking wisp of my highest leaf.

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