A Moment Of Magma

[DanaMonroe]

We played as smoke played,
as indistinct as wispy waves in air,
our once perfect plume drifting slowly apart.
Eruptions would willingly start -born from
deep in the dark of either smoking heart
gathered through time to no-turning-back.
There was a lack of control and design
in-between the shine from the morning sun.
BOOM
and there we sat in a lack of love, lost in the ash
of our volcanic gloom (it was always far too soon).
Our landscape had changed and however hard we prayed
fate had lost to the conclusion of our igneous intrusion
as we observed the final fade of smoke on air.

[Mizzy]

Great analogy of smoke in the air,
To tell your story of swirling and
disappearing love.....

A sad write......well penned !

Mick.

[Jerryk]

Dana,
I can't even imagine how I would feel if I were to sit there observing the unconditional love I personally know of swirl away. Yours is a powerful analogy, very well executed.
Jerry

[Claudira]

I like the sound of your poem, and I also think it's nice , in a way, that you both got to experience the love change and go. It was different for me. Sounds like you both got closure and could then part ways knowingly.

[Sardonic Sadism]

I like the additions of that "BOOM" and the line inside those parenthesis because it helps refocus the poem and gives it a fresh feel as it reaches its conclusion. Choosing a volcano going dormant to provide the imagery for love glowing dimmer was a fantastic way to get the message across, and the sprinkling of alliteration was awesome.

[Baywriter]

I like this very much, especially the extended metaphor, the volcanic scene that has trapped this relationship. Carrying the metaphor all the way through is what makes this a strong piece. I like the idea of using eruptions to describe fights/anger. I also like the idea of being lost in the ash, like the ash is the aftermath, and you can't get back to where you were. And the line that follows that part, the one with the internal rhyme of 'gloom' and 'soon,' is beautiful. Wonderful work!

Bay

[DanaMonroe]

Many thanks for such wonderful warm replies. Good wishes to you all.

[shays1]

I enjoyed the sound of the read too, as it seemed to imitate, as closely as one can, the sound of silent smoke swirling out of control and being interupted by fate's abrupt movements then dissipating. Very well done!

[Windsend]

Love lost to the heat of the moment it seems. Great poem. Very well put together and much deserving of the spotlight. That's all that I have to say about it.

[rupertpupkin]

Very well done on the spotlight.well done.

[kryssi_nykki]

I really liked the way you used smoke in the beginning but i especially like the last three lines. there's a lot of sadness and loss and pain in this poem and those last lines took it home for me.

[Philip16]

In reading this I thought about how "the lack of love" can be as mysterious as the
overwhelming presence of love. There is a wonderful intensity and angst in your poem.
Congrats on the spotlight!
Philip16