Our Dear Rose (IK)

[seraph1420]

I tried saving it
But all failed
Everything I tried
To protect its petals
The color red that glowed
Pleasantly
I tried caring for it
But it faded
As did we
We fell apart like those
Beautiful petals
Of the rose
That symbolized
Our being together
The comfort we shared
Evaporated
With every drop of moisture
The green leaves lost
Now it just rests in my cupboard
I'm too broken up inside
To gather its pieces together
For I needed you right now
But this distance separates us
And this distance did separate us
So I'll make the cold hard floor my bed
Like the wooden planks of my cupboard
Are, for our dear rose
I'll lie here until I die
'Til the last part of me
Sacrifices itself
For the last part of the rose that has died
And, maybe, one day
You'll find me
And we'll bury that rose
Together
With us

[sparky21737]

First poem to start off the IK fun...and you certainly hit the ground running with a really good piece. This was a beautifully sad poem and I liked the image of the rose. Look forward to seeing the rest of your IK pieces.

Sparky

[everhopeful]

The Rose is perhaps one of the most symbolically charged icons of love there is, and for good reason I believe, because for all of its inherent beauty it is incredibly fragile. The way you've used it as central image of this poem really plays upon that fragility because, like love, sometimes no matter how much care and consideration it is given it can still wither and die. The metaphorical death of the Rose, the death of the relationship, is beautifully captured in the ending which shows the speaker's need for closure through burial.
A great start to the month, happy IK to you!

[songofmeadow]

Well done on being the first to post in the challenge! The rose metaphor is sustained well throughout and offers a great contrast for love that didn't last, I guess we've all been there at some point, well done mx

[Dew]

Happy IK! I loved the comparison of yourself with a wilting flower...and how the flower is described to reflect your drying. The movement and constant change seems one directional and irreversible thanks to the image. A beautifully bitter idea and a wonderful first for IK! -dew

[TripleP]

What a beautifully depressing metaphor! Captivating in its imagery, and the longing in the narrator's heart.

[seraph1420]

Thank you so much y'all...hugs and kisses and all the best for IK..

[Baywriter]

Very sad piece. For me, this represents a break up, a rose that is withering away with the pain. The speaker has tried to take care of this relationship, has put her whole self into it, but the rose continues to die. The ending it rather tragic -- the speaker wishes to die with the rose. Maybe not in a literal sense, but a part of her has definitely been lost with the relationship. Lovely imagery throughout. A fine IK entry. Looking forward to reading more!

Bay

[allmirth]

So you were the first out of the IK gate! Nicely played. You employ classic theme of the death of love, using delicate imagery to evoke deep emotions.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy

[jainrohit]

Oh, this was so morose and sad. The continuous reference to the reds and greens of rose are the shades of life's happiness and sadness.

The uneven length of lines flip-flops with the fluctuating tone of emotions in this. The feelings are delicate and last from initial separation right upto death which completes a cycle in itself. Since the feelings that are coming out are so strong, surely, the love'd have been even stronger.

Great work in the IK challenge.

[civilizedbrat]

what an explicit allegorical representation of a rose in the poem you wrote...i can very well comprehend what each and every word, each and every line points to in your life..

the days that went by were no doubt quite tough & depressing.. but wish i get my *purane wali softy ouchie* back...
and remember : you are self sufficient! yoy don't need anyone to make you feel perfect!

xoxo
- AG

[seraph1420]

thank you so much everyone for all the lovely views. IK is actually very fun...cheers!

Seraph

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

reminded me of romeo and juliet and hamlet written by shakespeare. much enjoyed. did i get the right play there. sounds like a rose a partner got his beloved and he left her to roit with the rose saying goodbye. i could be wrong but very intriguing poetry nevertheless, enjoyed.

victor

[Mike6]

One thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation. It felt like an outpour of emotion, a a waterfall of sadness. It really felt like a stream of consciousness and I think that's really cool when dealing w/ sadness because it kind of immitates how that heavy sadness acts. Great stuff, thanks for sharing.

[Ladywildalice]

Such an emotive piece, writhing in pain before the reader, unable to foresee a rebirth of the love that once was all consuming, now dead, leaving the heart barren and lost. An excellent write and so deserving of the Spotlight. Congratulations.

[seraph1420]

I just came online after a long break and saw this spotlight just now! I am in awe!
Thank you so much y'all!