Death next door (IK)

[JASON]

The heavy air is a blanket
it covers the void and crushes
each rigor filled crumb of hope.
Time seems to have slowed -
a twisted tempo
an irreverent beat...
Downtrodden spirits sink lower
sucked into the viscous vacuum
of nothingness...

[Dew]

Happy IK! I could not resist the idea that your angst was from writer's block and your first IK piece was a response to not knowing what to write for sadness. Even if not the case, the thought wouldn't let go of me. The stifling atmosphere of your poem was like watching a poem sink into oblivion. Excellent write for IK! - dew

[songofmeadow]

Hi Jason, the title grabbed me as it felt as if the narrator were experiencing the contents of the poem in a detached or secondhand manner, however the effects appear serious. Angst is my worst topic, good idea to get it out of the way! mx

[TripleP]

This one hit me on a personal level, Jason, (I took it differently from Dew and meadow) and I think you know what I mean by that. All I'll say here is - incredibly great job, my friend.

[AgentofChaos]

feelings felt deeply, empathy - shared emotional state appreciated the line
"crushes each rigor filled crumb of hope." so apt.

well writ

[dornicks]

A very intense write that seems to have come from a dark place. Very interesting read,which I thank you for sharing,

dornicks

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

Dew nailed this one on the head I believe. this poem is packed with how anxiety is affecting you having to fulfill a poetry quota of 15 poems,. You started out nicely with this one a true gem for sure and my favorite board the angst board...

victor

[jayn]

It envelops me, this one, in an old emotion I do not want to feel, one of endless stagnating sadness, an ugly fug of it. Effective writing.

[everhopeful]

The challenge of describing a void isn't lost on me, and as hard as it is to find something for the reader to cling to, it's as hard for someone who feels like their life is in a void. So with that in mind, the heavy air that 'crushes / each rigor filled crumb of hope' is right up my street as a way of conveying that feeling, I really love that as a description, especially as 'rigor' subtly nods towards the title.
This is very nihilistic and quite dark as an angst piece, but very apt for this board.
Now if you'd like to get cracking with those boards you haven't posted in please! :p

[Mike6]

Although this is an angst piece there's a heavy aura of sadness surrounding the piece although that sadness does feed into anxiety, I find. The two can usually go hand in hand and are often related. Such a wonderful work of poetry. Definitely one of my favourites by you. Thanks for sharing!

[allmirth]

There is a suggestion of distance in the title, Whereas the feelings conveyed in the body of the poem are suffocatingly close. The contrast heightens for me, the sense of anxiety.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy

[TripleP]

It always seems that the more downtrodden our spirits are, the more they keep getting sucked down into the pit. A vicious cycle, that you've portrayed perfectly here. Great IK poem.

[jayn]

Oh my goodness, death need never be so sombre, though it is often sad because we do not acknowledge that it is, more often than not, Nature's way of making way for the new, or in some cases the result of our own folly. It's a shame we do not regard its necessity in our lives as we do birth, and give it equal billing and acceptance. This poem is effective in its portrayal of the mood that surrounds the absence of a life, though I like to think that the soul and our discombobulated bits transmute into beautiful 'everything-ness', that flux of energy and entropy that creates our entire universe. I think that is something too marvellous not to celebrate as each of us leaves this mortal coil. Touched by this one. Powerful.

[Liquid Bear]

When I read this poem I thought of a slow, excruciating pain which makes time slow down. The "downtrodden spirits" part make me think of some sort of hellish scenario in which tortured souls vanish without hope. Chilling.

Bear

[Josie]

Missing a ferry to Catalina Island because a slow moving train blocked my dad's car route to the boarding gate left me feeling that heavy air as it crushed 'each rigor filled crumb of hope'. Memories from childhood act as bridges to those moments in adult life when you lose a loved one. You have to let go and move in a different direction. Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight.