The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

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Zaylane
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The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by Zaylane » April 9th, 2017, 11:37 pm

You are a sandcastle.
I am a wave.
I can only go….this far.
Far enough so that my face may reach near the shore to see your beauty,
But not far enough,
to touch you.

As I look upon you in all your golden brown grace,
standing tall and proud as you look back at me with the deepest hate one could ever have.
I retreat, confused.

It is only as I leave that I see where your hatred of me stems.
A lump of sand I can only assume was of a similar build, with a supposed equal grace,
stood where I tread, trampled.
I feel the utmost sadness in my heart as I realize the detriment it would cause had I the power to move any closer.

Were I to have my wish you'd disintegrate in my arms,
never to please another with your charm.
And that I could not live with.

"So goodbye dear sandcastle,"
I say as draw further away.
A bittersweet feeling.
I smile to myself.
I shall be in high spirits as I leave.
The reward of your beauty is enough.

You are a sandcastle.
I am a wave.
I can only go….this far
Far enough so that my face may reach near the shore to see your beauty,
But not far enough,
to touch you.


Give me a paper,
and give me a pen,
I'll write justification,
I'll need it as well.

Liquid Bear
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by Liquid Bear » April 10th, 2017, 4:41 am

This is unusual, very clever and, above all, heartbreaking. Quite an interesting take on an ages-old subject. Well done.

Bear


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"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)

TripleP
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by TripleP » April 10th, 2017, 10:37 am

Wonderful metaphor! I agree with Bear that it is heartwrenching.
Despite its bittersweet tone, it also conveys a sense of thankfulness, in that the wave was able to appreciate the sand castle's beauty.

Welcome to TPS! I look forward to reading more from you.


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Zaylane
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by Zaylane » April 11th, 2017, 11:19 am

Liquid Bear wrote:
Liquid Bear wrote:This is unusual, very clever and, above all, heartbreaking. Quite an interesting take on an ages-old subject. Well done. Welcome to TPS!

Bear
Thank you so much for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the lovely welcome!


Give me a paper,
and give me a pen,
I'll write justification,
I'll need it as well.

Zaylane
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by Zaylane » April 11th, 2017, 11:20 am

TripleP wrote:Wonderful metaphor! I agree with Bear that it is heartwrenching.
Despite its bittersweet tone, it also conveys a sense of thankfulness, in that the wave was able to appreciate the sand castle's beauty.

Welcome to TPS! I look forward to reading more from you.
Thank you! Thank you for reading it as well.


Give me a paper,
and give me a pen,
I'll write justification,
I'll need it as well.

INFPoet
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by INFPoet » April 11th, 2017, 11:38 am

This is intriguing. Bear and TripleP nailed it, so I'm not sure I can add much more, but I could really feel the wave coming up the shore and then being pulled back out to sea. Excellent imagery here and use of words. Again, this is really intriguing. So many people have written about this very same subject, but I've never seen this parallel drawn before. It's really very good!

Welcome to TPS! Many your stay here be full of poetic joy!

~INFPoet


Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight...
(J.R.R. Tolkien, LOTR)

Let's Go Mets!

Keep calm and pass the puck to Zucc. LGR

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Zaylane
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by Zaylane » April 11th, 2017, 4:17 pm

Thank you so much. I'm very glad you enjoyed it!


Give me a paper,
and give me a pen,
I'll write justification,
I'll need it as well.

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tangerinepie
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by tangerinepie » April 13th, 2017, 2:26 pm

I found this so exotic a theme, and wonderfully detailed.I live close to the lake, and have had this happen so many times. It is a moment in time art form that creates many memories, I so enjoyed reading this innovative poem..Tangie..


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kryssi_nykki
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by kryssi_nykki » May 2nd, 2017, 5:38 pm

an old favorite :) welcome to TPS!


K_N

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Zaylane
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by Zaylane » May 2nd, 2017, 11:15 pm

kryssi_nykki wrote:an old favorite :) welcome to TPS!
Thank you!!! :bigsmile: :heart:


Give me a paper,
and give me a pen,
I'll write justification,
I'll need it as well.

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SilentTears
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by SilentTears » October 2nd, 2017, 10:17 pm

Breathtaking, heartfelt, bittersweet, and playful. Fantastic flow, love the imagery and the concept of this. Such a fantastic metaphor and personification.

I love this:
You are a sandcastle.
I am a wave.
I can only go….this far
Far enough so that my face may reach near the shore to see your beauty,
But not far enough,
to touch you.

That line, "I can only go...this far" really hit me and stuck with me, it's just so perfect and ties everything back into being a wave and what that means, how bittersweet it is that you can almost reach.

Absolutely in love with this. VERY well done. Welcome to TPS, I very much look forward to reading more of your work.


I let the sun on my skin.
Pretend I don't burn
I'm not burning here.
I just lay ash
On my eyelids,
And rub it deep into my
Bones.


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hidekazu inoue
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by hidekazu inoue » October 5th, 2017, 8:36 am

Hi!Zaylane:Thank you for a wonderful poem. I like the artistic expression expressed in a poetic language as a narrative scene on things talking each other .


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rupertpupkin
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by rupertpupkin » May 16th, 2018, 5:57 pm

I love the beautiful simplicity in this but at the same time it's so clever and well thought out and above all it is a lovely metaphor. It's a super write. Well done. I loved it


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Liquid Bear
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Re: The Sand and The Sea- A Personification

Post by Liquid Bear » July 9th, 2018, 12:03 pm

This has become even more touching for me since I've found myself in the very situation described in this poem...

Bear


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"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)

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