In Your Loop

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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AngelOfSilence
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Joined: October 10th, 2017, 3:43 pm

In Your Loop

Post by AngelOfSilence » October 21st, 2017, 2:22 pm

I do not take this lightly
Don’t pretend this is easy
As the thoughts give way to insanity
And my chest bursts with anxiety

I am no pawn of the devil
But these thoughts are disheveled
Chaos ensues at every level
I watch my whole world unravel

I am worlds and universes away
But the lessons you taught stay
I am unsteady on my feet to this day
The foundation you built was frayed

I blamed you, I hated you
I’ve been stuck in your loop
I keep trying to rebuild and undo
Every horror I was born into

But when my breath is shallow
And my mind and body feel hollow
I am brought back to swallow
To sit at your pews, row by row

Let live and let go is what they tell me
We are all one, forgiven and clean
But the blood is filling my eyes, you see
It is on your head, you call me crazy

I am raw bones, beneath you
The product of your beliefs ensue
I do not know how to forgive you
So here I remain, in your loop.
Last edited by AngelOfSilence on October 25th, 2017, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.


From childhoods hour I have not been
As others were -- I have not seen
As others saw -- I could not bring
My passions from a common spring --
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow -- I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone --
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone --

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SilentTears
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Posts: 163
Joined: August 17th, 2017, 1:15 am
Location: Wine Country, CA

Re: In Your Loop

Post by SilentTears » October 23rd, 2017, 10:21 pm

Very raw and powerful. The emotions are turbulent and the rhyming is nice. Great flow and imagery to this piece too. The subject matter is obviously very complicated, but it seems to me like the subject is sick of going in these vicious circles. It's especially tragic that she feels she never had a chance.

Very tragic, very anxious, very frustrating. Well done.

-Muse of Tears


I let the sun on my skin.
Pretend I don't burn
I'm not burning here.
I just lay ash
On my eyelids,
And rub it deep into my
Bones.


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Jahaliel
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Joined: April 14th, 2012, 6:53 pm
Location: A'divell

Re: In Your Loop

Post by Jahaliel » November 18th, 2017, 3:30 am

oh. this was a hard hitting piece - and it really hit home with me. third stanza to the end was just. really affecting.


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I loved you then, I love you still though we are shadows of our former glory
Though they try to kill us off, we are a never-ending story


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Chelle
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Re: In Your Loop

Post by Chelle » February 18th, 2018, 3:28 am

you have those things that you cling to because if you don't you feel you have nothing. Or you just can't cut the tether that binds you. You have to get to the place and do whatever you can until you can grab your freedom. cause all it does is chain you down for sure.


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Rainn
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Joined: February 13th, 2018, 6:45 pm

Re: In Your Loop

Post by Rainn » February 24th, 2018, 7:21 pm

Wow. I can relate to your poem. My take away is an adult who cannot shake an unsatisfactory childhood. A adult who finds that traumas as well as lesson learned are on repeat play - a continual loop of dismay.



rupertpupkin
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Re: In Your Loop

Post by rupertpupkin » May 11th, 2021, 6:22 am

A very well written piece. Well done on the spotlight.


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