We use to build our castles on a bed of worms
Spent bedroom days dreading depression nights
Destitute, privileged, addicted, dense, near death;
We use to ride bikes and read books,
Nothing seems perfectly in place but the plaster.
Lemonade Use To Run Down Your Body
-
Jennywasafriend
- Regular Member
- Posts: 149
- Joined: November 15th, 2012, 6:48 pm
-
The ghost
- Regular Member
- Posts: 685
- Joined: February 16th, 2017, 4:00 pm
- Location: Neither here nor there
Re: Lemonade Use To Run Down Your Body
21st century life.
This piece is powerful.
Spotlight material
This piece is powerful.
Spotlight material
-
Jerryk
- Elite Member
- Posts: 3443
- Joined: October 28th, 2014, 8:45 pm
- Location: Arizona
- Contact:
Re: Lemonade Use To Run Down Your Body
Hi Jen;
"Used" is the past tense you might want to 'use' in both, title and the first line of your poem. Regards, JerryK
"Used" is the past tense you might want to 'use' in both, title and the first line of your poem. Regards, JerryK
~verses from an old-fashioned bard; no ambiguities intended~
JerryK aka Alishonak, Snowbells, et al.
JerryK aka Alishonak, Snowbells, et al.
-
Chelle
- Webmaster
- Posts: 2781
- Joined: April 15th, 2012, 12:09 am
- Location: Florida
- Contact:
Re: Lemonade Use To Run Down Your Body
Spotlight material indeed. :)
Hey you-glad to see you here at TPS. Thanks for posting your stuff. It's raw but still you pick your vocab to where the rhythm isn't overdone and it just fits. Apt commentary on the lower aspects of the world we live in.
Hey you-glad to see you here at TPS. Thanks for posting your stuff. It's raw but still you pick your vocab to where the rhythm isn't overdone and it just fits. Apt commentary on the lower aspects of the world we live in.
Looking For a Few Good Staff:If you're thinking about being a moderator-please check this out and apply!
TPS Moderator Application
TPS Moderator Application
-
rupertpupkin
- Moderator
- Posts: 3342
- Joined: April 19th, 2012, 10:03 am
