Answers (leading to questions)

[everhopeful]

author's note: this is a repost of something from the old site with a few very minor edits.


1. Respire (7)

Of course I understand the clue, even without any letters to work with I know the answer; call me cautious or label me idle but I haven't the desire to reach for an eraser should I make a mistake so, as always, I check the cryptic clue for confirmation.

1. Be heart-broken (7)

Not so much a clue, more of an instruction - as I obey the command to breathe I allow myself the chance to resume being heart-broken; they are connected, although my biological knowledge is insufficient to explain the idiosyncrasies of the link between blood flow, oxygen and breathing, I can explain why it hurts to keep gulping air between sobs.

It's because everything reminds me of her, even the crossword compiler was in on the conspiracy to give me the tiny push between functioning and overwhelmed. While I secretly hold on to the idea of a greater power pulling my strings I can't escape the truth that my own actions contributed to this... this feeling which engulfs everything. I doubt that finding a name for it would help because I don't believe it will be in my dictionary.
It's most likely some amalgamation between emotions which an award winning psychologist wrote a thesis on but until I can afford to pay the charge I'll have to make do with my own kind of therapy.

Grief - mourning a loss - seems the most apt place to start but I would be forced to balance it against the speck of hope still lying within that the departed will return. Ironically the truly bereaved also go through that stage, I believe it is called denial, yet the tear stained shirt I wear is conclusive proof I have bypassed denial.
I know I should change into a clean shirt and wash this one but it still has traces of her perfume and I need something, anything, to keep feeling her presence with me. Perhaps that makes me a self-loathing martyr to the cause, with one hand I push away the crossword that dares to trigger more tears yet with the other I grasp the collar closer to my nose to taste her scent again.

Regret rushes me like a tidal wave but doesn't have the decency to drown me. I can't malign it for letting me float since I don't have the decency to drown myself. That thought should be immediately categorized as maudlin at best, but the secretary within is on strike and I still can't fathom out the filing system, so it sits on the in-tray, top of the pile, and threatens to consume another day at the office.

Tomorrow may be a better day, there's just the matter of getting through this one first.

[Dew]

'can't malign it for letting me float since I don't have the decency to drown myself'...don't know why, but this felt so familiar...the weariness and emotional exhaustion of hurting so much that you lie down...long enough to just get used to it so you can move again. perfect...Dew

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

alliteration, the cadence, and rhythm is suberb here. glued from beginning to end with masterful use of your vocabulary everhopeful. great stuff, great read.

victor

[tangerinepie]

everhopeful..The sorrow of this prose was empowered by the strength of the words.Often I have mused over the question, do men and women feel grief differently?This write made me see things in a different light.It seems a very personal experience, and your sentence about the Martyr syndrome in suffering is one that we all ponder as we lie prostrate with apathy.This is so superb.Thank you so much..T..

[SwingingPistol]

This was really hard for me to read because it was so straight forward and honest, but fiercely painful. Being raised on the notion of men don't cry(which is a bunch of BS but society pressures men to think weeping is weakness), I applaud and am stunned by your ability to pen your tears and sorrow. When we allow ourselves to grieve, that is when we show true strength, I think. Your language is fantastic as always.

A true honor to read something from one's soul. Thank you for sharing this.

[JingleBelle]

The premise of this is brilliant: thoughts coming out of a crossword puzzle. It seems such a mundane activity, but simply reaching the clue "be heart-broken" throws you back into the pain. It shows how present the pain is, as if barely below the surface. I absolutely loved the last paragraph (stanza?), with the image of the office. It completes this typical Monday morning vibe you have. It is as if you are saying your weekend is over, but you are still mourning it.

[RYAN]

So much back and forth emotion. Keep up the smartness!

[JingleBelle]

I initially misread the title of this as "answers (to leading questions)"

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

rereading this again gives me a different perspective all-together on your words. I see resiliency in your words. I too contemplate over issues like this everyday, but is it foolish to do so considering we are men. i think not, but who knows? your words are profound and impactful to everyone who has read this post. so many ways to look at how deep your thoughts are as mine are still if not more, so, since I don't think half the time anymore because of deep depression from being paralyzed.

victor

[ladymaybebaby]

Wow, I've gushed all week long over the suberb work you have been posting... and now this! I'm really taken aback by this. It feels so intimate, minus some of the grand words it could be a late night phone conversation between friends. Just laying everything on the line - this is how I feel and damn I have no idea how to get past this moment, much less another day. I was hooked, and very happy to be there! So well done and a pleasure to read!

-R
xoxo

[SirDaniel]

They claim there are five stages to grief... however, I fear many do not make it past the first to even have a chance at the second.. I love the lines about the shirt, how often we wish to stay in "dirty" clothes because they remind us of the day we wore them first..

I love this word..."amalgamation".. Never used it in anything I've written but I now have a new challenge.

Just amazing to read Mick, you' are quite a writer. Congratulations of the Spotlight.

~ Daniel

[tangerinepie]

Hi,
So elated to see this in the spotlight, I was a believer before, but reading it again had the same powerful effect on me.Congrats to you E, what a memorable write..Tangie..

[created2write]

Congratulations on the spotlight Mick, very much deserved for this insightful look inside the mind of the brokenhearted. The truth of this so calmly acknowledged and spoken is what makes the impact so powerful. It's as if the writer is saying, I'm in a place, have been for a while, may be for a while longer, and have decided to take my time healing. Sharing space with you is quite the honor sir, quite. Hugs, V

[everhopeful]

Thank you one and all for the time you spent on this one, some of you even stopped by for a second visit!
I am incredibly pleased and grateful for your time and words, it means a lot to know I've managed to strike a chord with this.
Much love to you all,
Mick

[Dew]

From one familiar with the IDEA of world-weariness...once more...perfect.
Dew

[Whiskurz]

One of your best Mick......Congrats on the Spotlight.....Whisk

[inflames]

How are you so awesome? I really feel this piece. The last line is spectacular. It's everything I needed to end this piece. I remember this from the old site too... It's still as wonderful as ever. Congrats on a very well deserved spotlight!

[Sasha]

Such a sweet melancholy!
I believe this is the first time I read your prose work, as it's equivalent with your poetry in the excellence and elegance. Striking thougths worded effectively, as it's just a read that pulls you in and plays on your heartstings.
Congratulations on the much deserved Spotlight, Mick!

Sash

[dornicks]

From tiny acorns mighty oak trees grow. A masterly write that seems to encompass all feelings. A good read. Best of luck to you,

dornicks

[Afishamongmany]

Everhopeful, usually I skip love'lorn stuff (it's an age thing ) so it says something about the quality of the writing that this held me to the end. I like especially how the speaker is openly and honestly maudlin and at the same time detached enough to comment on himself and his situation in a perceptive, un-maudlin way.

The three Spotlight pieces are so totally different but all deserving of their place.
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