What Once was Paradise

[dornicks]

In the space between a heartbeat
and a sad exhausted sigh
I cast up my eyes to heaven
saying please Lord tell me why,
there's an aching in my body
and confusion in my mind
when I look on your creation
and I see what's left behind.
I see oceans that were pristine
full of fish of every kind
slowly turning into slurry
that's expaning all the time,
rivers rising in the mountains
ferlilising ground below
dammed by walls of solid concrete
so they've got no place to flow,
valleys turning into deserts
where the life has all but gone
leaving serpents and the insects
to a land they call their own,
all the Races in the valleys
herded into towns and camps
begging,living life on handouts
living life upon a chance,
breathing in a mix of gasses
that have since replaced the air
respiration now exhausted
cancers growing everywhere,
I can't take it Lord much longer
it is more than I can bear
what's happened to the Paradise
we all were meant to share.

[AnIdeasman]

i enjoyed the message in your, and can relate to those moments of just looking up and saying "why god oh why?" your poem had a nice flow with vivid and active imagery. i really liked your poem

[everhopeful]

Such a strong message in this one, at times it's absolutely desolate, but the way you turn what was supposed to be paradise into something more closely remembling hell, and do it with such rhythm and poise, helps us to share the speaker's viewpoint and appreciate the imagery as being more than just damage, but symbolic for mankind's destruction of the world.
A superb poem.

[JASON]

Retrogression Vinny- that is the long and the short of it...the sad result of mankinds march forward....nice poem by the way

[dornicks]

Many thanks to each and all of you for your comments and views,all valued,

dornicks

[Philip16]

This reminds me of the song "Paradise" by John Prine (OK, so that really dates me).
"Mr. Peabody's coal train has hauled it away."
This is a great poem that should give all of us pause.
Philip16

[dornicks]

Thank you,philip. Your secret's safe with me. Not aware of John Prine,yet.

[Jahaliel]

Such a wonderful piece, thought-provoking moving and so fluid. Very much enjoyed, well done on the Spotlight.

[nortan223]

This could either be a prayer for conservationists or a hard -hitting condemnation of modern living that is destroying all that Earth has provided.
Philosophical and accurate. A worthy Spotlight feature.

[ladymaybebaby]

Wonderful job Vinny! Congratulations on this wonderful piece and the spotlight! Most well deserved I must say.
This was a wonderful and sobering piece of poetry.

-R
xoxo

[Royston Vasey]

Hi dornicks,

Congrats on the spotlight.

The first thing I noticed about your What Once was Paradise was its lovely rhythm, the second was its clever, alternate, cross rhyme scheme. I think you've successfully said in verse what more-and-more people are rapidly coming to believe - that we're destroying this beautiful planet's ecosystem. Your cautionary tale was well done IMO.

Thanks for the read.


Go well.

[inflames]

Wow. That final line is absolutely haunting. What a wonderful way to end this beautiful poem. A well deserved spotlight! Congrats!

[songofmeadow]

A beautifully written poem, the message is both poignant and forceful, elegant yet awful, I am glad to have read this and congratulations, v. well deserved, meadow

[Patdolan83]

very nice write....unfortunately i fear it may be too late for our species to change their ways

[Sasha]

Such a stunning read, and am so glad to see its glow under the Spotlight!
Powerful, saddening, and wonderfully penned! Congrarts!

Sash

[JingleBelle]

ah, this is beautiful.

[everhopeful]

I think this is such a vivid, engaging piece of poetry and, while the theme is bleak, it is captured with such precise imagery that it leaves a distinct mental image behind.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[musie]

Dornicks~This was brilliantly written and such a sad but truthful read, my heart bleeds for what has been lost over the Century's....But mankind has brought it upon themselves....that's why we all look for the happy medium, trying to reach paradise once again..."The Garden of Eden" lost to us so long ago....so many seek a false form of escape to be there...Congratulation's on the Spotlight my friend...Musie

[SwingingPistol]

This is stunning, and while beautifully done, it's stunning because it's so true. It saddens me how nature is discarded and trampled upon, how we as the human race continue to destroy and trample beauty and necessity for wealth and ignorance. All the stuff we have now-a-days, we honestly could do without. I don't even want to think about 200 years from now. We're using up our resources for luxuries... really saddening. Thank you for sharing this insightful and painful write, and congratulations on a well deserved honor.

SP