The State of Play
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:165
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 12:10 pm
The State of Play
The angels wept: as men forsaking
Their Master's Word, with heaven-breaking
Defiant acts, saw Satan waking.
So disbelief is always noted -
As when a church bell ceases ringing
Or when a choir abstains from singing
Their gospel songs, we will be clinging
To Godless ways. We're ill-devoted.
With our deliverance fast-fading,
Eclipsed by our dark thoughts, so shading
Mankind from Truth -- then -- serenading
Mischief - badness tastes sugar-coated.
Go well.
The angels wept: as men forsaking
Their Master's Word, with heaven-breaking
Defiant acts, saw Satan waking.
So disbelief is always noted -
As when a church bell ceases ringing
Or when a choir abstains from singing
Their gospel songs, we will be clinging
To Godless ways. We're ill-devoted.
With our deliverance fast-fading,
Eclipsed by our dark thoughts, so shading
Mankind from Truth -- then -- serenading
Mischief - badness tastes sugar-coated.
Go well.
- ThePoetryQueen
- Regular Member
- Posts:171
- Joined:August 23rd, 2012, 2:10 am
Re: The State of Play
Great! Awesome! Loved it! Nice flow! Great message!!! :)
"Who am I, and who will I become?", is the question. And through my writings, I hope to find the answers.
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:3627
- Joined:April 17th, 2012, 12:21 am
- Location:Deep in the heart of Texas
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:1782
- Joined:May 5th, 2012, 7:42 am
- Contact:
Re: The State of Play
Really enjoyed the rhyme scheme...and the warning.
Thanks for sharing this one.
Philip16
Thanks for sharing this one.
Philip16
Remember, in order to facilitate community development, comment on 3 poems for every one that you post.
- Ladywildalice
- Elite Member
- Posts:4572
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 5:22 pm
- Location:Wichita, Kansas
Re: The State of Play
Quite a well delivered message indeed and much enjoyed. Thanks.
'Where ecstasy leaves gravity and dances with wild eyes' by Ladywildalice
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:165
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 12:10 pm
Re: The State of Play
ThePoetryQueen, Karrie, Philip16 and ladywildalice,
Thank you all for the positive (well, Ladywildalice's was "quite" positive, lol) feedback.
Go well.
Thank you all for the positive (well, Ladywildalice's was "quite" positive, lol) feedback.
Go well.
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:270
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 2:38 am
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:543
- Joined:July 20th, 2012, 5:03 am
- Location:Queensland Australia
Re: The State of Play
Captivates the reader from beginning to end with cleverly phrased messages. Conclusion....that we cannot prevent straying from the path...its in our nature. Very nice.
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:165
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 12:10 pm
Re: The State of Play
Hi miraj, slarsen and SirFleshwound,
Thanks for your comments (which were nice),
I'm pleased you found my work sans vice.
I write because it seems I can,
But often things don't go to plan,
And then I ponder what Keats said -
Of hard-fought leaves when sense has fled -
I'll tell myself that what births hard
Is probably a tub of lard.
Go well.
Thanks for your comments (which were nice),
I'm pleased you found my work sans vice.
I write because it seems I can,
But often things don't go to plan,
And then I ponder what Keats said -
Of hard-fought leaves when sense has fled -
I'll tell myself that what births hard
Is probably a tub of lard.
Go well.
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:165
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 12:10 pm
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:7403
- Joined:April 24th, 2012, 9:08 pm
- Location:The Emerald Coast
- Contact:
Re: The State of Play
RV...a few thoughts and observations...
First...reminded of Poe...and that is the highest compliment I can pay!
Second...wonderfully outlined message...not a forced syllable
Third...a rhumpunt in iambic tetrameter-feminine? Masterful.
Bravo! - Dew
First...reminded of Poe...and that is the highest compliment I can pay!
Second...wonderfully outlined message...not a forced syllable
Third...a rhumpunt in iambic tetrameter-feminine? Masterful.
Bravo! - Dew
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:3344
- Joined:April 19th, 2012, 5:28 pm
Re: The State of Play
Eloquent and accurate, neatly wrapped in a well delivered rhyme scheme. It speaks volumes. Thank you for sharing this,
dornicks
dornicks
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:165
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 12:10 pm
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:1163
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 2:23 am
Re: The State of Play
This is really well executed. I adore this writing style. Congrats on your spotlight!
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:795
- Joined:April 21st, 2012, 11:23 pm
Re: The State of Play
The way we have fallen from grace yet still hold onto the old ways is refelcted well in your lines. Great work.
- Patdolan83
- Regular Member
- Posts:423
- Joined:August 29th, 2012, 4:33 pm
- Location:Nottingham Eng UK
Re: The State of Play
Loved the rhyme in this...and the context is equally as impressive
Congrats on the spotlight
Congrats on the spotlight
"I wouldn’t want you to want
To be wanted by me
I wouldn’t want you to worry
That You'd be drowned within my sea
I only wanted to be wonderful
And wonderful is true
In truth I only really wanted
To be wanted by you"
D Rice
To be wanted by me
I wouldn’t want you to worry
That You'd be drowned within my sea
I only wanted to be wonderful
And wonderful is true
In truth I only really wanted
To be wanted by you"
D Rice
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:5371
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 11:37 am
- Location:dying in the heat and humidity that is New Orleans
Re: The State of Play
wow, so much to say... I normally don't read much from the enlightenment board. Not because of my views, just don't want to ever get caught up in a disagreement. This piece is so special and different. Your views are so straight on and that's sad that more people don't see or realize what is happening all around them. Where is the humanity? I think you can see part of the answers in your piece. It's a wonderful slant look at the truth. Well written indeed. You didn't preach, scare, scream; you wove a lovely piece of poetry with a message that is sitting there for us to pay attention to. Much deserved spotlight choice! Congratulations!!!
-LMB
xoxo
-LMB
xoxo
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:2716
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 11:56 pm
- Location:The Heartland
Re: The State of Play
Where in the world was I when this was first posted.. Royston, this was beautiful! I can see why it got so many responses and now the Spotlight...Well deserved my friend...such an insightful and uplifting piece with a great message..CONGRATS on the Spotlight! Musie
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:6714
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:21 am
Re: The State of Play
Although this is a relatively short piece of poetry, I don't think any of the readers feel short-changed. In fact, there's an epic feel to this through the theme alone, and perhaps it's only the way I read it, but I felt like there was a touch of subtle humour in that final line, it felt a little more grounded and tongue in cheek than the lines which came before.
Another enjoyable read from you, congratulations on the spotlight!
Another enjoyable read from you, congratulations on the spotlight!