Revetment ~ by StillContagious & everhopeful

[everhopeful]

I crawl,
to a soundtrack of the fizzing tide
crumple on the beach like rabid flotsam
spitting gritty tears I couldn't swallow.
I breathe,
violent rapid bursts, careless sand-castle lungs
collapse in waves, never quenched,
reeking of dead fish thoughts exhaled.
I burn,
saltwater grazes keening skin,
dripped inside wounds that won't bind,
tediously melts my filth-clogged pores.
I yearn,
to cleanse wicked spells turning my innards
like nautilus shells, strange and wondrous
glinting like shark's teeth in my flesh.
I seep
from sores into the frothy surf
emptying memories transfused in blood,
striving to rid my corpse of buoyancy.
I scream,
an SOS to the universe, tapped out
with tantrum feet pounding ocean floor,
wading out to the beginning or the end.
I rise
on current's shoulder, spluttering
a final breathy prayer for peace;
let me lie where tides never recede.
I surrender
to the will of the universe, drifting,
my heart in my hands, throbbing,
chains undone, released.
I renew
my skin, taut and tempered,
scar tissue obscuring losses;
pressing bruises to feel the past again.

I won't cry myself to sleep tonight,
my eyes reflect the stars' light,
I'll ride the moon drawn crest naked, head
for horizon; let yesterday stay beached.

[Sasha]

Wow!!
That's BRILLIANT!!
Such a breathtaking imagery that wrapped those saddening emotions in a wonderful way, and the ending just blew me away!
There's so much to say about this, but I'll just bookmark this great work!
Awesome co-write, you two!

Sash

[ladylilith]

I really enjoyed the structure of this.. Gee, that sentence sounded much more hollow than it meant too! Imagine I'm saying that with absolute gusto! 'Cause I mean it! The way it has a pattern, but no pattern.. Like an ebb and flow.. A stunning piece of poetry really. You give so much to the reader, rich and thick with language, it's a dream to read, despite the emotion of course, but even that pulled on me.. Forcing me to feel it.

You two make a killer tag-team!

Lily^^

[jeremyf]

Yeah Sasha and Lil nailed the review. Sorry to repeat but the format rocked, ROCKED! A very cool way to present a co-write making the final product a seamless collaboration. The writing left me with numerous examples of beautifully sounding description, so much so that I needed a few extra passes to really appreciate and soak in what you two have created.

[JingleBelle]

What I love most about reading co-writes is you can see how two people's styles would work together. This is, I think, the greatest example. Stillcontagious' rawness and energy combined with Everhopeful's rhythm and imagery. This is fantastic. I could not agree more with the three preceding commenters, this is absolutely brilliant.


Flower of Co-written Excellence

[tangerinepie]

This was scrumptious..yes seamless, like two entwined grape vines.Every image outstanding and very memorable.Just a perfect collaboration..TY..T..

[SwingingPistol]

Hate to be an echo, but I have nothing brilliant to add. Just that this was enticing and beautiful, and I loved y'all's unique format that you used. It ebbed and flowed just like the poem. Some amazing descriptions in there, and I LOVE a good, fresh description -- totally hooked from the start. Gorgeous co-write.

[stillcontagious]

::tear:: I cannot write any better than with my friend. He inspires me endlessly to be better than I am.

[inflames]

The formatting of this piece cries Contagious, but I definitely see some of Mick's style in the word choice. This is a beautiful piece, you two. It's wonderful how you two can still work together so well. Thanks for sharing this.

[Kornelia]

This is just so beautiful and well composed, unfolding like a play before me of a dark theatre.
I APPLAUD THEE

Kornelia

[created2write]

I refuse to read other responses before posting my own...having said that

When I saw this hook up I was indeed intrigued, this reads seamlessly but I find myself thinking SC wrote the intros and Mick wrote the descriptive fill ins, with both of you writing the ending. That's my take but whatever the breakdown is, because there is really no way to tell, it's working ya'll! Loved it. much love

[ladymaybebaby]

Wow, you two really hit this one out of the park! I will add my ditto to the comments above. I would like to say, how much I enjoyed it personally. The language was rich and pull me in from the get go. You two make quite the team! Brilliant and totally enjoyed. This piece rocked, danced and took me down a gorgeous path!

-Robin
xoxo

[astroannie]

The imagery in this just blew me away. Well-penned.

[everhopeful]

Thank you all for the kind words on this one, I appreciate your time spent reading and commenting on it, and I am deeply grateful to Heidi for allowing me the pleasure and privilege of co-writing with such a talented poet.
Much love to you all.

[RYAN]

Such much collaboration, so well played. keep it up you two!

[Mike6]

Congrats on the spotlight!!

The imagery here is so vivid and in a sense, it's kind of ferocious. It assaults the senses. I love how the piece has a set structure to it, keeps the reader on the edge of his (or her) seat. The diction here is superb. This is truly an awesome piece of poetry. I also love the final stanza. It really ties everything up. UHH-MAZING!!

[tangerinepie]

I was here before I see, but it was a trip to read this chilling but astounding piece again..Congrats on a marvelous spotlight choice..Tangie..

[candlewitch]

Hello to both of you and congratulations on combining your wondrous skills to create such a soul-stiring masterpiece! Bravo! What else can I say, that hasn't already been said? I much enjoyed it, especially these lines:

I rise
on current's shoulder, spluttering
a final breathy prayer for peace;
let me lie where tides never recede.
I surrender
to the will of the universe, drifting,
my heart in my hands, throbbing,
chains undone, released.

always, Cat

[dwells]

"Pressing bruises to feel the past" does it for me! I'm always a sucker for a marine themed piece and the opening had me harpooned, big time! Still thinking those "dead fish thoughts" and bloating now on those beached yesterdays - hoping the high tide will take me back out to see again! Cheers on a stupendous and salty collab and congrats on the Spotlight!

[songofmeadow]

A remarkable melding of talents that appears to work seamlessly, worth more read through's to appreciate the work gone into the poem, congrats of course mx