Ugly Promise.

[flux]

I promise I will conform, live quietly, properly,
walk and talk as you say I should and graciously
pretend that you are not my torturer: you love me;
such fine feelings are effective restraints,
for my own good I am lovingly oppressed.

If you loved the real me I could break my promise.

[dornicks]

Much deeper on the second read. A very cleverly composed and 'head-scratching' write. The best of luck to you with this,

dornicks

[AliMariesDad]

Great poem, flux. That last line completely changes the meaning of the rest of the poem. Superbly done - good luck in the contest.
AMD

[Nakedpoet]

Powerful with emotion, great writing shown as always.

[Ladywildalice]

Good job, well enjoyed, excellent challenge Entry. Good luck indeed.

[rupertpupkin]

wow! really powerful stuff and really well written.a great entry for the challenge,nice one.

[nortan223]

I loved the idea of conformity being countermanded by the "blackmail" of love. I'll have to try it sometime - _ I never seem to get my own way, these days. (If the wife's listening - only joking, Dear)
Congratulations on your Spotlight.
Norman

[ladymaybebaby]

flux, first congratulations on your turn in the spotlight this week! Much deserved choice. I also went back and read your piece again twice and then the meaning hit me right in the head. What a unique way to write about having to conform, and then the last line about "breaking the promise" was genuine talent! Loved it, so glad I got to read this one!

-LMB
xoxo

[SirFleshwound]

In such an abrupt way, I feel the concentrated frustration and emotion packaged ready to burst. Reads like an inner mantra a rosary bead of the mind. Congratulations, fine work.

[SwingingPistol]

Flux! Congrulations! This was a wonderful piece. Such a bold, strong message in the short length. That is no easy task to achieve. Powerful stuff. Congrats again.

[songofmeadow]

Deliciously complex yet so succinct, this feels like a longer poem and puts me in mind of Larkin, well deserved spotlight, meadow

[Lonnie]

A well crafted and intense piece that, although short, conveys its message with quiet power!

[flux]

Thank you everyone for reading "Ugly Promise" please know that your comments are always appreciated, and I am very happy a poem of mine is in the spotlight.

And Songofmeadow, thanks, Larkin is one of my favourite poets.

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[tangerinepie]

My this was effective in so many ways, as it made me wonder if love ever feels really free.That last line totally brings it all into perspective.I can see why readers admire this amazing poem.Congrats to you..T..

[Marsha]

Congratulations! Awesome write!!

[inflames]

Wow, flux. There is such tangible meaning in this poem. I definitely feel what you mean. Wonderful, wonderful work. Congrats on a very well deserved spotlight!

[wendellgee]

There's a whole zone of life that this poem draws a schematic of.

[everhopeful]

There's something deeply satisfying about reading such a well constructed poem that, even within six lines, can be a great read on face value with a more complex message to take in upon the re-read. Not only that, it was created with constraints that are invisible. I can't help but thinking how apt it is that the vowels element of this is disguised, it rather fits the theme to a T.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[Rassy48]

flux,
Wonderful write. I tried this once in a relationship and, of course, it did not work out. As has been said above, a few lines with a strong message. Re-reading it gives even more of an insight to that message. Your last line just caps off the real sense of your creation. Maybe your write should become the new wedding vows!
Joanne

[the quiet poet]

hmm.. interesting.