Black Sail Veils, Episode I

[interyeti]

Black sails were all I had
I cast them high, lilac clad
Shearing sounds tore my skin
Jeering shrieks came tumbling in
Marrow deep did we seek to go
Toward heavy hearts did the cruel wind blow
Stopping still against the sharp, cream shale
Threw on our heads our black sail veils
Hollow whispers brought sounds from home
The waves were white, as if carved from bone
And with those waves I rose and fell
Up to heaven and down to hell

[Spence]

This is chilling! I almost want to say this belongs in the Darkness board, but since I don't often frequent it, I may have missed this otherwise. You paint such a vivid, haunting scene here, and your use of description is fabulous. I especially love "The waves were white, as if carved from bone," because the bone adds such a sepulchral flair and really shifts my mind in an interesting way. Much enjoyed!

[ladylilith]

I freakin' LOVE this. It has a darker kind of gothic horror quality to it that I can always find myself connecting to. I think you portray such deep feeling of absolute sorrow with strong, striking imagery. It has a haunting and eerie quality to it too, as though this is the kind of thing of nightmares, made into reality. Really wonderful work!!

Lily^^

[tangerinepie]

Very well written expressive poem that I enjoyed,A bit dark but the message intent was concise with interesting imagery.Thanks so much for sharing..T..

[Dvinity]

Spence took the words out of my mouth, it was chilling. I love the dark nature of this, even though I am not usually drawn to dark poetry. The graphic metaphors set this off in my opinion with "Marrow deep did we seek to go, Toward heavy hearts did the cruel wind blow " as my favorite part. Simply great.


Dv-

[rupertpupkin]

Hi, love the seemingly effortless rhyming in this and the flow is super too. Very deserving of a spotlight, well done, Sean.

[dwells]

Always entranced by a good nautical piece and this was exceptional. This flows from the natural to the emotional, effortlessly and almost as a requiem - much enjoyed.

[flux]

I liked the rhymes here, and I thought your poem had energy, it's emotionally charged. Well done.

[Dew]

Powerful ending...I love those...congrats on spotlighting!!! - dew

[dvtcpwp]

Oh, the world that your words take the reader to! You don't want to go, but feel the draw pull you ever closer. I loved the imagery, and could see the world you create, feel the drama unfold. Excellent write. Congratulations on the spotlight!! Proud to be among these poets.

[Sasha]

I thought this was full with wonderful impressive set of metaphors, and this absorbed easily by the ears due to the subtle rhythm and rhyme. My favourite lines those especially stood out to me, are the one Spence and Dv quoted, till reaching a killer ending.
Great, great work. Congratulations on the Spotlight!

Sash

[everhopeful]

I have to echo the comments on this having a darkly gothic edge to it, and somewhat of a hypnotic rhythm and narrative. The use of the ocean as a central image lends the potential to read this as an analogy to a life's journey, and for me the final two couplets were the key, they finished with a bang, even though it was a deathly bleak one.
Congratulations on the spotlight.

[ladylilith]

I loved this the first time and I still freakin' love it now! It has everything I love about language and about the slightly more darker sense of imagination and feeling. It's such a compelling poem. Congratulations on the spotlight, you truly deserve it!!

Lily^^