Dead god
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:185
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 11:57 am
The moors were so quiet
One could hear their own footsteps
Tapping against the ancient gravel track
And above, the moon, half full
Half glowing glaringly in conception stared down
Then was engulfed by the mists and fog
Yet we stared for a while, she stared back.
The candle was lit and she came
You came back to me, the moon brightened
Blugeoned, white, pure, and you came
Carressed my skin again as it burnt
Then when it went out, you went with
The moon, the moon.
I cried. I could not stand
The end of one who had been like you
Stalwart and steadfast in belief
The stars peeped through the clouds, comforted me
Stillness, silence
A dead earth for a dead God
Yearning for a return at dawn
Nothing roamed, no raven called
An omen through the darkness, no birds buried
Their ever living past in their song, and sang for it
No moor sheep shook their head in the gold, and bleated
There was a silence that we drank in, that makes
Every noise everything, emphasised, like an eclipse of our perceptions.
Then the fog came
Thicker and faster, flying
Through air, thick, laid its claws
In to the earth, in to our eyes, blinded us
Mistified around us and lay in the dark, hiding
Showing just how weak and fearful we are
Showing us death, death and the unknown of it
The mystical death, the beyond life, the unknown
So it showed us, and the Goddess Moon
Saw it, remembered Her old lover, fled and prayed
The God would be remade
But I cannot wish that for my dead.
One could hear their own footsteps
Tapping against the ancient gravel track
And above, the moon, half full
Half glowing glaringly in conception stared down
Then was engulfed by the mists and fog
Yet we stared for a while, she stared back.
The candle was lit and she came
You came back to me, the moon brightened
Blugeoned, white, pure, and you came
Carressed my skin again as it burnt
Then when it went out, you went with
The moon, the moon.
I cried. I could not stand
The end of one who had been like you
Stalwart and steadfast in belief
The stars peeped through the clouds, comforted me
Stillness, silence
A dead earth for a dead God
Yearning for a return at dawn
Nothing roamed, no raven called
An omen through the darkness, no birds buried
Their ever living past in their song, and sang for it
No moor sheep shook their head in the gold, and bleated
There was a silence that we drank in, that makes
Every noise everything, emphasised, like an eclipse of our perceptions.
Then the fog came
Thicker and faster, flying
Through air, thick, laid its claws
In to the earth, in to our eyes, blinded us
Mistified around us and lay in the dark, hiding
Showing just how weak and fearful we are
Showing us death, death and the unknown of it
The mystical death, the beyond life, the unknown
So it showed us, and the Goddess Moon
Saw it, remembered Her old lover, fled and prayed
The God would be remade
But I cannot wish that for my dead.
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:4023
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 4:32 pm
- Contact:
Re: Dead god
This holds all the eerie romance and desperation of Wuthering Heights for me. It's that sense of wandering the misty, troubled moorland, where nature seems to reflect the inner emotions too. A really effective piec eof poetry in that you not only create a scenic-scape for the reader to jump into, but you have such a lovely way with phrasing. It's lightly melancholic, not too heavy as to weigh you down, but lamenting, mournful maybe.
Ah!
I just truly enjoyed this, despite the tragic overtones.
Lily^^
Ah!
I just truly enjoyed this, despite the tragic overtones.
Lily^^
"The night is dark and full of terrors."
- QuietAstronomer
- Elite Member
- Posts:2413
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:05 pm
- Location:Induron,My Induron. Where else would I rest?
- Contact:
Re: Dead god
Nicely done.
Dark elements, cold moments.
A lamenting tale that is well wrought.
thanks for sharing.
QA
Dark elements, cold moments.
A lamenting tale that is well wrought.
thanks for sharing.
QA
Three for one will get it done.
(Three Comments per Post kidlets.)
(Three Comments per Post kidlets.)
- Jahaliel
- Elite Member
- Posts:1995
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 6:53 pm
- Location:A'divell
Re: Dead god
*shivers*
Really nice work, you had me caught up and far away with your words. Very well done.
Really nice work, you had me caught up and far away with your words. Very well done.
- tangerinepie
- Elite Member
- Posts:4459
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 10:42 pm
- Location:The North Shore
Re: Dead god
A complex writing that has to be absorbed slowly, for it has so many aspects of interest.It has an eerie ambiance to it, that is enjoyable..Nice..Tangie..
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:100
- Joined:April 19th, 2012, 4:06 am
- Contact:
Re: Dead god
Wow this was written with such care and tenderness. I feel each movement. Beautifully crafted!
"Everything is not enough, and nothing is too much to bear. Where you've been is good and gone-- all you keep's the gettin' there."
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:5371
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 11:37 am
- Location:dying in the heat and humidity that is New Orleans
Re: Dead god
Congratultions on the spotlight pick, much deserved after reading this piece! I've never seen a 'moor', but your imagery was so spot on... I think I've got a good idea of what everything looks like now. I beautiful piece!
Much enjoyed!
-LMB
xoxo
Much enjoyed!
-LMB
xoxo
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:2426
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 9:46 am
Re: Dead god
I just love your mix of melancholy and love in such beautiful visual imagery with those foggy images od death, affection, longing... the last line is just brilliant!
Wonderful work, and worthy Spotlight. Congratulations!
Sash
Wonderful work, and worthy Spotlight. Congratulations!
Sash
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:128
- Joined:February 17th, 2013, 12:42 am
- Location:brisbane Australia
Re: Dead god
Congratulations! I was caught up in the words of this poem, and I can only echo the words of the previous reviews.
A beautiful piece of work.
Thank you for sharing it.
Eccleds
A beautiful piece of work.
Thank you for sharing it.
Eccleds
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:2716
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 11:56 pm
- Location:The Heartland
Re: Dead god
I have to echo what Tangie has said about how complex this piece of work is. You really worked the imagination of the reader with both the formatting and word behavior...It's hauntingly beautiful...A very much deserved Spotlight...CONGRATULATIONS! ...Musie
- tangerinepie
- Elite Member
- Posts:4459
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 10:42 pm
- Location:The North Shore
Re: Dead god
I am so elated I had a chance to read this again.It is so dream like in many ways and the theme I found beautiful..A wonderful spotlight choice..Tangie..
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:543
- Joined:July 20th, 2012, 5:03 am
- Location:Queensland Australia
Re: Dead god
A mystical and pagan air your words create. It spoke to me of almost Arthurian legend and captivated my attention to the end. Bravo and congratulations.
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:366
- Joined:May 6th, 2012, 4:01 am
-
- Elite Member
- Posts:1163
- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 2:23 am
Re: Dead god
I love the tragic flavour to this piece. It reads darkly- which adore. Congrats on a well deserved spotlight!
- Ladywildalice
- Elite Member
- Posts:4572
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 5:22 pm
- Location:Wichita, Kansas
Re: Dead god
Congratulations for the Spotlight. Much enjoyed this well completed piece. Very good work here.
'Where ecstasy leaves gravity and dances with wild eyes' by Ladywildalice
-
- Regular Member
- Posts:150
- Joined:January 19th, 2013, 3:43 am
Re: Dead god
first off congratulation on this spotlight. This is a well deserving piece. The careful rendering of this absolutely blew me away. Thank you for sharing. :)
she laid down with a sigh,
Embraced by the green blankets
she kissed the world goodbye