the alpha of deeds

[JohnFeddeler]

(based on ‘tumbling hair’ by E. E. Cummings)


she came often to this fragrant field, this smiling little girl
with golden hair tumbling as she skipped. the buttercups &
violets welcomed her. the daisies, despite their ill tempers,
were almost joyful to give up their lives to her hand.

this was her alpha, to gather these small gifts of nature &
share them with others. her village was blessed with peace,
and no evil occurred there or in this field.

but on this day, another was there, watching. the sorrow in his
eyes gave testament to his regret, his compulsion. he had seen
her before, alone & unprotected, in this field, & his terrible hunger
was conceived & grew.

it was not his fault, he assured himself. It was the command of the
‘demon’ within that ruled him. like Pontius Pilate, he washed his hands
of his guilt, as he pursued his alpha, & committed his fatal deed…

the angels observed this deed, as they observed all deeds on this
revolving planet. but they were present only to bear witness, they
were not permitted to interfere. being gentle creatures, their witnessing
made them weep, & their tears became the cold rain that coats
the earth.

that beautiful things grow, nourished by that rain,
is the irony of it.

and the fragrant fields of beautiful things, the daisies & buttercups,
will attract other little girls. and those little girls, who are made of
innocence & purity & the illusion that nothing bad will ever happen,
will attract other monsters.

this is our story as we know it.

[Rassy48]

John,
This just sends shivers throughout me. It's so vivid, one can almost see it happening as reading along. Too often this horrible thing happens. You have managed to present this in a very sensitive manner with your wonderful word usage. The horrible deed again replaced by the innocence and beauty of the "fields of beautiful things", only to probably happen again. Wonderfully constructed and presented. Thanks for sharing this.
Joanne

[ladylilith]

This is beautifully wrought! Despite the darker undercurrant. I'll admit though, I'm ignorant of the poem you reference at the top, but after reading this I'm more than tempted to seek it out. As Joanne says, you take this on with a wonderful amount of sensitivity and finesse, in that it is bothing overly explicit but the mind is able to follow through with the images and darker 'deeds' with the aid of the words provided.. Does that make sense? Anyhow, I thought this was a really fine piece of poetry. You give it a chilling and haunting kind of end, but I still enjoyed the heck out of it. Great, great work.

Lily^^

[Mizuchi]

Wow, this is almost too cruel. With an innocent and happy introduction, you ensure that the horror thereafter is well understood. Brilliant move; it certainly didn't miss its mark.

[ladymaybebaby]

Congratulations on the weekly spotlight! This is a much deserved choice! Can I just say yipes first? They way you led me into that was just chilling and brilliantly done! The gentle purple font and the language, soft at times and with this dark under current pulling this reader under. I never expect it , when I looked at the piece at first glance and that is a great part of the mytique of this wonderful write! Well done!

-LMB
xoxo

[Whiskurz]

Outstanding imagery......congrats on the spotlight.......Whisk

[BlackVelvetRose]

Congratulations Hon.... i have often thought your words deserved to be shown in the spot light.... M ;)

[jsol]

I first want to say that I love this piece. The images are drawn and the conclusions are brought forth so well. The irony appears very quickly but it's not overt, it's a subtle thing in your tone perhaps, sentence structure, whatever, your artistry. I can't put my finger on it really, I guess it's that her first adjective was "smiling" but I knew right away this girl's trip into her field was ill-fated. You betrayed her destiny to the reader and built her idyllic life up within this betrayal but then canceled all the irony of that with the justification of the man's "hunger." You made it inevitable that this should occur, which is so powerful as it takes the blame away from any one thing and gives it to everything, unifies everything in this blame. The good comes from the bad and the bad the good, as the sad tears of the angels allow beautiful things to grow. I went and read "Tumbling Hair" by E.E. Cummings, thinking that surely something of that act which you wrote of occurred in that piece as well. But not at all. How you gleaned that tale from Cummings is a testament to your own creative power. Kudos.

[SirFleshwound]

Not an easy subject to create from, but you do so beautifully and with a delicacy that soothes the harsh message. A chilling work of literary art. Quite special. Congratulations on the spotlight.

[JohnFeddeler]

Thanks, everyone, for your interest in my poem. Cummings is the great poet, I'm just a student of his work...

[Rassy48]

John,
I commented above when you first posted, as its title caught my eye. Let me add only my sincere congrats on the Spotlight posting this week. Well deserved, my friend!
Joanne

[ladylilith]

Tres cool! Truly, congrats on getting the Spotlight with this. I was rather taken with it the first time and it's much the same reaction after this read too. Was it always purple? Anyhow, the colour is completely irrelevant. Smart work.

Lily^^

[musie]

Oh my, this was so sadly beautiful. Wonderful imagery of both the little girl and nature and the evil heart's of some....This was SO well written....It's completely understandable as to why this made the Spotlight..CONGRATULATIONS! Musie

[everhopeful]

What an ending, I think that was the perfect way to complete the cycle. While it's certainly not a happy ending, I think you managed to play upon the nature of youthful innocence quite beautifully, and left the detail of how it can be ruined down the reader's imagination, which is enough.
A clever and creative piece, congratulations on the spotlight.

[Sasha]

Gosh, such a hard-hitting neat piece of work!
Though it's a tragic thing, but it's drama, a reality. I so like the way you set this poem, like a story like, choosing a topic, putting it in a sensitive affective atmosphere, and striking end.
Congratulations on the deserved Spotlight!

Sash

[created2write]

Powerful! Spotlighted as it should be. Peace