Bleached Dreams

[sicksoul]

Maple Crown wets my tongue,
Sating some need for sweetness
Astray, mislaid

Smoke swirls in loose ringlets,
Lost amidst ice-night air, in the hair of
Algos, penthos, and Thanatos

In my throat I feel a scream, though
bleached pale dreams of release
leave me not' but a whimper

Swallowed
Down as all the whiskey,
all the "nothing" left within me
wants to be let out[/center]

[ladylilith]

You had me at 'Thanatos'! Heh. I really like the darker undercurrent to this, I found myself clinging to it in a desperately strange kind of way. I always enjoy the darker side of expression (which is a weird statement to make..) and I felt that you made use of some strong, emotionally pre-loaded words to express the emotion and the atmosphere of the piece. Really great work! I look forward to reading more from you.

Lily^^

[everhopeful]

This evokes such an empty feeling within me, and it does so with some stellar descriptive writing which leaves a little to the imagination but has enough detail to guide us there. The third stanza was the one that really did it for me, that scream which you can't get out is something I can really connect to.
This is a poem with a distinctive atmosphere.
Welcome back!

[palehorse]

I think readers here, will find your exploration of the shadows of reality quite engulfing, but I've known it for a long time. Wonderful to read you again.

[Rassy48]

sicksoul,
First off, the title grab my eye. Your words evoke a multitude of emptiness and hopelessness, trying to be filled by the content of that often turned to solution. Such a coldness comes over me when I read this. So tragic yet beautifully portrayed by your words. The final stanza grabs and holds on to me. Excellent write, my friend. Thank-you for sharing.
Joanne

[jim_moonan]

Yes, agree with all the comments above... it has a feel that is reminiscent of a Charles Bukowski poem (though not his writing style). A "throaty" feel to the whole piece, very sparse yet full of feeling. It is difficult to express this rather "choking" feeling that comes through, but you do it by excellent word choice and a minimalist approach... You almost sound stunned and holding on to coherence by a thread - a poem squeezed out before it choked you - love it.

[sicksoul]

@ladylilith:

I always enjoy the darker side of expression (which is a weird statement to make..)

That's not so strange, I have too thanks dear, I'm glad you enjoyed this.

@everhopeful: Thank you so much, though my condolences as I wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone.

@palehorse: Well they'll either love it or hate it, but you know me I'll say what I'm going to say regardless of how others think it sounds. My manager told me two nights ago that I'm not rude, just very brutally honest. He couldn't decide if it was a character flaw or not Thanks for reading

@Rassy48: You know after writing this I really struggled with what to call it, so I'm glad it called out to someone hehe. Also thanks so much for reading

@jim_moonan: I never would have made any correlation between my own writing and Bukowski's. Though our styles are vastly different I can see what you mean about the feel of it.

You almost sound stunned and holding on to coherence by a thread - a poem squeezed out before it choked you

Yea, you pretty much nailed it. Thanks for reading sir

[Spence]

Wow. Powerful but also dizzy-- I could feel the alcohol threading through this poem in the tone and form, and it really put me in the speaker's frame of mind. I think everyone has had a time like this. Thank you for sharing.

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

congrats on the spotlight. by the way i would not wish these sentiments you wrote about on anyone either. i know you are serious here, but i can't get the pale horse poem out of my head. both these poems touch the same chord in my book tho the poem not listed here is funnier than this serious one. you definitely have a unique writing style and i enjoy reading you for that reason.

victor

[Jahaliel]

Congrats on the Spotlight, this was wonderful and I'm such a big fan of your work, it's so darkly beautiful. Excellent stuff.

[Dew]

A sweetly-sick mixture of romanticization and reality! So many ways to interpret some of the symbolism...even some hints at regurgitation as a sign of the writer writing! Wonderful! - Dew

[ladymaybebaby]

Congratulations on the spotlight, it is well deserved! That third stanza left me with such a dizzy feeling, it was that hard hitting kind of writing that I love! This is a wonderful piece and I enjoyed the hell out of each line.
Good to read you again!

-LMB
xoxo

[Rassy48]

sicksoul,
I am adding to my comments above a hearty congrats on the "Spotlightly" of your creation. Was a pleasure to come back and re-read the truely talented use of the English language with which you have created this masterful write. "Spotlight" well deserved, my friend!
Joanne

[ladylilith]

SO glad this got a chance to darkly shine in the Spotloght. It was something of a treat to explore this piece again. Again, it's that link to the Greek that keeps me absolutely besotted with it. Wonderful work, and congrats!

Lily^^

[dornicks]

I enjoyed the read in total and would echo what has been previously said about it. Dark but not bleak. Congratulations,

dornicks

[musie]

I will admit that I do not know a lot about Greek mythology, but I know when it's used, the writer usually comes out with something powerful and this is definitely it. The emotion is heavy feeling, dark and scary...I echo all the accolades this has already gotten and Congratulate you on the Spotlight! Musie

[everhopeful]

A pleasure to see this one again, notwithstanding the emotional aspect of the content, and in the spotlight where it belongs!
Excellent work, congratulations on the spotlight.

[sicksoul]

Thank you all, for putting it up in the spotlight, and just taking the time to read this^^