Counting Coup (from Riding the Greyhound)

[jwesley]

Counting Coup
(from Riding the Greyhound)

Southern Arizona, 1960 . . .
Lizards were dying.

Big grey dog's wheels
were feeding the crows, buzzards, roadrunners
and every other carrion eater.
It was cold outside,
but the highway
still warmed during the day,
and lizards, attracted by the heat,
littered the road.

Big grey dog was merciless
as it counted coup.

I sat in the front this ride,
right side, by the door,
counting as they slid beneath me -
one-hundred twenty-five,
one-hundred forty-two,
all in five miles . . .

I lost interest, too many deaths.
They weren't like me,
running for my life;
they just sat there, took it.

Not like me.
I couldn't take it.
She loved me . . ."oh god, I love you...",
but that wasn't me
I found in her bed.

So I ran, chose to count lizards
dying on the highway,
chose to watch the dead slide by,
chose to ride
until the highway came to an end.

One-hundred ninety-nine,
Two hundred . . .
big grey dog - counting coup.

© wesley james beard, jr.
october 1, 2012

[CrypticCricker]

A rather wry commentary...nice write. I loved the imagery that you evoked as I read your lines. You didn't have to spell it out in detail...I imagined--and that was sufficient. Evocation, provocation--the summum bonum of poetry. Well done!

[miharu]

I found myself reading this poem like one views the flashes of the countryside through a traveling bus window. I think the reoccurring "lizard theme" was my favorite part of the piece. The way the lizards keep to the highway to stay warm, but end up dying there seemed a metaphor for the entire piece. I loved this poem.

- miharu

[Dew]

Nice cohesiveness to this piece...gave it a mature feel. Your consistency with the theme (and way it was both an introduction/foreshadowing) was neatly done! Lovely work! - dew

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

very even-keel poem filled with an interesting theme and unique metaphor about dying lizards in the sun. deeper look at this shows a yearning to not be in the same unique daily pattern of living or this is what i take from reading your words in this poem. nice work and an interesting read as well.

victor

[Jahaliel]

Interesting imagery and a great flowing tone this was just really amazing. Congrats on the Spotlight!

[ladylilith]

Interesting work indeed. You have a wonderful way of phrasing things, words coupled together for the greatest effect, I felt. Congrats on the Spotlight, it's a real good piece!

Lily^^

[miharu]

I am so glad your poem was selected for the Spotlight. I have rarely read a poem that I thought more worthy. The layers of meaning and metaphor that you've woven into this piece are simply wonderful, and the word choices are sublime. Again, I thoroughly enjoyed this.

- miharu

[jwesley]

I am humbled . . . thank you very much.

j.

[Rassy48]

j,
I must agree with my TPS friends. This is a wonderful combination of metaphors to which a lot of us could be attached. Just love the "lizard" theme. Counting in between stanzaa very effective. Simple words ...
easily read. I missed reading this as of yet, but I am certainly glad I got the chance to read it now. Congrats on "The Spotlight". Well deserved.
Joanne

[everhopeful]

It's not very often I get to say welcome to TPS & congratulations on the spotlight, but I bid you both here!
It's a really strong narrative poem, I think the symbolism of death which surrounds the speaker on their journey seems like an apt setting for someone escaping the death of a relationship. It's definitely a unique counting game to play along the way, and the relatively understated tone worked well.

[ladymaybebaby]

Congratulations on the spotlight choice! Very impressive work!!! This is really a great piece you have here, I truly loved each line... your metaphor works perfectly and I could picture the mile markers ticking past on some lonely stretch of highway... Superb!

-LMB
xoxo

[SirFleshwound]

So many vivid images conjured in the mind. This is a piece of high quality. The overwhelming feel of almost paranoia to escape is etched in my minds eye, exemplified by the frantic count of miles passed. Great read, and congrats on the spotlight.

[kavi911]

This is brilliant. The tone is so fitting as well, and that "big grey dog - counting coup" line was awesome.

[Ladywildalice]

I Loved it!!! The whole Big Grey Dog attacking and counting coup with the lizards, feeding the scavangers, the inevitability of death, and the acceptance of it as unavoidable. The way you demonstrated the fear of giving up one's self to another and running away, the searching for an answer or a place to feel oneself again. Excellent and congratulation son the spotlight. Very well deserved.

[musie]

WoW! MAD writing skill's an your so new to the board....This was just an AWESOME write, the imagery and emotion was so palpable throughout..completely hold's the reader's attention....EXALT And CONGRATULATIONS on the Spotlight...This piece is GREAT! Musie

[tangerinepie]

Hello
Nothing better than a poem with a unique story line.The bus ride is well defined, and interesting imagery to enhance the sad circumstances..Terrific spot light choice..Enjoyed..Tangie..

[inflames]

I adore this. Unique story, unique way of telling this. Great piece. Congrats on a well deserved spotlight!

[Robert Haigh]

Interesting angle on life and love, and how we all die so many little deaths along the road, before we face the reaper for real! Stark imagery, used well here!