A Thing In Every Distance

[MBW]

Little welcome swallows nesting in their brownish cots.
Fiddles with her nestlings as they fiddle with mealworms.
Bigger than this hand o' mind yet smaller than the mice
Mincing through the hallway holes. The sun is setting nice
With a tinge of paled white mixed with some lifelike grains
Of brittle forcefulness behind a subtle shield of deepest blue.
The view looks to and over buildings: there's a cockatoo weighing
Down a branch, swaying; trampolines crumpling under shoeless soles;
Something mysterious moving, melting in the distance - bleary eyes
Are strained to see the silky slivers dissolving as the Hindenburg
With flames made up of shaking sheets of linen. Lay this all down,
Tiny Dancer, please put your hands in your side-pockets, stroke the static beard
Of the goosebumped Milky Way, which we are under. Can you, right now, hear
This voice of mine? Would you sing for me, 'til I'm asleep, then swaddle my jerking body
In a corner of a verandah with the rest of the restless, fiddling, curious, fickle birds?

[ladylilith]

This is such a cool piece. Truly. I love, love, love how you got from the image of the birds in the opening lines to the changed meaning but same image in the end. That was skifully done, especially for an OM! I struggle to tame an Open Mic piece, I always think it's far to easy to lose it somewhere in the middle and go on a completely different track, but you hold the reins of this one steady. You also make wonderful use of some odd phrasing, and I mean 'odd' in the best possible way!

Reeally impressive stuff. Thank you for sharing it.

Lily^^

[everhopeful]

So much word play and twists along the way, yet a remarkably coherent and flowing piece of OM which makes great use of a heavy descriptive style to show a story, rather than tell it. While this starts on a small scale in terms of the subject matter, I love the expansive nature, much like the 'camera' view of this is slowly panning backwards before the conclusion rediscovered the focus on the minute.

[created2write]

I love this. The form you used added to it because in my mind it became a gushing flow of ideas and words that meet and meld in a curiously acceptable idea. Much enjoyed this. peace

[Robert Haigh]

A beautifully expressed piece with a nice flow and almost random rhyme. It all comes together in fine style. A joy to read!

[ladymaybebaby]

Congratultions on the spotlight pick, it is much deserved! What a strong OM! I love the language and how you have made it your own... the word play, the fresh and interesting similies are wonderful! You are only the second person I have seen use the 'Hindenburg' as a descriptive word. I used it once and have always thought, it is the perfect example of things buring quickly, or maybe a burning before my very eyes sort of thing, but this;

'Are strained to see the silky slivers dissolving as the Hindenburg' I love! Perfect in my book. Add the great poetry and the bonus point for the Hindenburg and on a 'one to ten' rating scale, you cruise in at a 12! Loved it!

-LMB
xoxo

[Sasha]

This is such a gripping work! Worded with such sophisticated style with layers of meaning, images and neat clever choice of words. I enjoyed the alliterations, the mysterious analogy between, if I can say the birds' nests above and the cockatoo down there, the distance between the two, as if the speaker is with those 'fickle' birds yet asking still likes to hear other voices.. that's how I see this, and I just love it!
Congratulations on the deserved Spotlight!

Sash

[musie]

MBW~I have to echo what all has already been said about this piece..it is simply a Sublime OM....The imagery is rich enough to catch the reader's attention and keep it throughout..CONGRATULATIONS on the Spotlight my friend....Musie

[tangerinepie]

Just simply brilliant with jarring imagery that packs a punch.I thought the inclusion of the Hindenburg was very impressive and all in all a stand out write..My congrats to you, so well deserved..Tangie..

[SirFleshwound]

There is a entrancing quality to this. Forget form and punctuation, it hypnotises the reader. I gave in and let it carry me to the end. Very arresting, a beautiful write and worthy spotlight earned.

[E.S.]

Very different and the material is top notch!

[everhopeful]

Your imagery-heavy style makes for such a vivid reading experience, it's easy on the eye and always a pleasure to get lost among the expansive descriptive style. Very glad to get the chance to re-read this one in the spotlight!
Congratulations!

[QuietAstronomer]

Congrats on Spotlight, MBW.
This is a unique construct that flows wonderfully and tells a grand tale, to be sure.
enjoyed reading more than once.

Again, congrats!


QA

[inflames]

This has a superb flow to it. Wonderful choice for a spotlight@! Congrats!

[Ladywildalice]

Congrats on the spotlight for this very well deserving write. Your unique style gave me quite a pleasurable read. I loved your imagery. Again good job and congrats.

[BlackVelvetRose]

This is different than anything i have read. i enjoyed the wordplay and the radomness in which the rhyme was placed. This is a superbly penned. thank you for sharing. and congratulations :)

[whubbard7]

Interesting and very unique. I probably would not have read this if it wasn't spotlighted so I'm glad it was. I like the wit you employed to help you and the sort of random rhymes. Very good!
~WH7