being

[Lortimer]

Theres a flick, a lick of flame spouts,
In that glass, gauzed ponderous pipe
Solemn, sober screams, and shouts
Dawn, dusk- fade into ebony colored stripes
Somewhere a waxen colored woman weeps
While we burn our lips, lungs and lives
And we fly in bounds and leaps
Do we survive? Do we arrive?

Vaulted domes and arched ceilings
String emptiness up, push us down
Have us on our knees squeeling
In oceans of concrete we drown

And then a gasp of alto colored air
Alive again, slow sinful smiles
At the gray, grey, gray gloomy glare
And pelted by sunshine and trials

till we breathe again

[MBW]

While I read the first stanza I had the title in mind and I was getting the imagery of birth, with the woman and screams and arrival or survival and the flame spouting. The rest could be about the journey through life that we have, and the ending could be about being reborn or experiencing an afterlife of some sort. Stanza two could be talking about the concrete places that we find ourselves inhabiting, and the feeling sometimes of being brought to our knees, drowning under the pressure; after that it's as if the person has been revitalized by breathing in the air, and they take a look at the gray, dull surroundings. So maybe it's more about how some of us get caught up in our day to day lives, forget to breathe, and in turn become overwhelmed.

[rootbeer]

SO MANY Metaphors... I mean really, this is rich with mind mending, melting metaphors which makes it so much fun to read. I'm glad I got to check this gem out.

[Chelle]

I could think of several ways to interpret this myself which shows just how good a writer you are lortimer. At the end the survival is all that matters.

[GMC]

emotional layers skillfully interwoven
thank you
GMC

[Wounded Animal]

I enjoyed the subtle "grey" slid in between the "grays" ... but definitely a piece slammed packed with metaphors and imagery! Fantastic piece

[CarolynKleefeld]

Masterful use of language and metaphor; thought-provoking and creatively expressed-- much enjoyed.

[rupertpupkin]

Wonderful write. Well done on the spotlight

[eploscik]

Very well done..I saw addiction, religion, birth, death, the cycle of life, a soul yearning to be redeemed. thank you

[jsol]

for me this poem was built of intertwining cycles. i pictured the concentric circles made by a stone splashing into a pond and allowed those shapes, as they fanned out in ever increasing size to double back on each other, some shrinking, some growing larger, until there was literally a flower of life type design made up of overlapping circles all of which have a degree of influence over all the others. granted, the symbol i used to map out the poem wasn't uniform as far as the sizes of the cyclic patterns and protocols. there were some very big circles that gathered together the entirety of the enormous titular theme of "being," and some very small and specific ones that took a niche from here or a nook from there and linked them through various struggles, consolations, victories and losses even (though the poem to me addressed these various signposts in a format meant to entice the broad stokes of experience while using the various details in their overlapping structure to coax images and feelings which worked just right as deeply personal yet richly edifying emotional flashes that didn't suffer any loss of power when read.) certainly, you (author) were able to accomplish this by keeping the subject matter vague but not elusive. there is enough detail to read the poem as one of "meaningful metaphors" that while not entirely grasped by, i would guess the majority of readers, enough room is left to leave a passageway wherein the fitting of the piece within the whole can be accomplished without creating too much of a schism between the basic structure of overlapping metaphors and coming full circle, maturation, growth, reconciliation etc.

what the actualities of the various life issues spoken of, though interesting if able to be understood for what they are, do not cause the poem to falter for lack of insight into the given detail. there are many ways to interpret the birth of a flame, and certainly the "pipe," is telling though having it "gauzed" and "ponderous" gives your readers an out if they would rather decode a less challenging meaning in which to fit the imagery you used in a perfect economy of words and meanings. in short, you wrote a great poem, watered it down without sacrificing the overall impact, kept the particular symbologies within various plausibly vague thematic devices that, even with a string of misinterpretations, the poem stands up as a mystifying allegory on society, religion, authority, redemption, purpose and in the final cryptic line, the devasting loss of virtue can possibly be realized in its inevitability and foreshadowed in order to complete the cycle of the poem in full. though even this spectacularly menacing line can still become much less of a harbinger of doom and settle lightly there at the end of the poem as a reminder that the poem is a true chameleon, preserving the various proclivities of its readers. no need to disturb if unnecessary, i am witnessing myself writing.

i won't get into the specifics to protect the innocent but, in my opinion, the last line of this piece is like a painfully beautiful moment of unadorned truth given to the reader by you. in the first stanza, in which desperation is mixed with naivety to create a powerful concoction of feeling unforgivable yet not so deep that redemption can't be used as a fantasy with which to keep the powerful and pleasurable experience justified. this is the stanza of birth, the stanza of the new and excited clashing with the possibility of severe consequences. the real fight is between the lack of knowledge together with the overwhelming excitement of the inexperienced and the actual realization of what could very well and most likely does happen lingering in the back of the mind. at first, the actuality is easily pushed aside yet with the continuation of the destructive behaviors, it becomes more and more difficult to ignore. thus, the stanza closing with two highly pertinent questions that almost contradict each other. do we survive? do we arrive? the posing of these questions back to back provides a glimpse of the narrators mindset. at once wondering if survival is still an option while at the same time leaning back on the fantasy that perhaps there will be no consequences after all.

the second stanza is the full consequence coming to bear. whether this is a reference to a church or a courthouse, i don't know. but the trappings of authority loom enormous in their hard, unforgiving adjectives like concrete and squealing. either way, the force of the societal structure is brought down fully. the miscreants are strung up and help down. the building imposes toughness, unmovable stricture. the forces are unable to be reasoned with. the oceans of concrete solidify the lawless acts and give presence to the punishment forthcoming.

then we have a slight reprieve. the fresh, soaring "alto" air is presented as a gift. the next line is very telling "alive again, slow sinful smiles." i get the impression the allusion is to that of making bail or being released after doing some easy time. already the offenders are thinking of using again. this is a remarkable insight into addiction and presented in just one line. good stuff. still though, there is some grey and gloom glare to be endured. and a trial is mentioned, so some more time will be spent dealing with the legal system before the disastrous, honest, brutal declaration at last "till we breathe again." and as it is silly to assume the subjects have been holding their breath, the implication points squarely to the inevitable approach of more drug use. but to be fair the line could be referring to their upcoming release into normal society again where once more they can breathe freely. though that seems a bit trite and dishonest after such a scathing poem.

-\=/-

[jsol]

accidental post