Checkmate

[Sasha]

[space][/space]

he leaves traces of touches touring
[space][/space] from wrists
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] till fingertips.
as his fingers sense the fragile phalanges
underneath my tenuous skin.
stopping and smirking;
he found his new deadened chessman;
as he asks its ivory to play the role of his queen
between his vainglorious shadowy set.

(disconnect my skeleton if you like and I will not
waste seconds on caring -
You brought breath to its collagen fibres
when you asked me to defend your gender)

[Mr D]

woah....some powerful images you conjure here, Sash ! playing chess with a skeleton ? or do i get it all wrong again ? haha...awesome skill with words, Sash !
D

[ladylilith]

Eeeps! It's a brutally true piece of poetry for me here. I always find my sympathies and sentiments best reflected in darker tones and there was something in this that struck a chord on a deeply personal level. It's in the phrasing. But I wont go about detailing it, just know that you got me good with this.

Also, how do you do the formatting?!!! I feel like I need to piggyback on some of that staggered line action!

I like the mixtuere of mood and emotion in this.. it's like putting together a softly sharp venom (im pwning the oxymorons today)

You are on a roll chick. Bad a-- poetry!

Lily
x

[jeremyf]

Man I keep coming back to this, try to find the right words for proper comment. I truly dig it. The opening sentence, and its format alone, really captures both my appreciation and imagination. The language you employ throughout is fantastic, making the entire write a literary joy to experience. My favorites on this board tend to be dark in meaning yet beautifully written. This poem definitely exceeds both criteria.

[everhopeful]

uh-huh, this is such a clever, creepy darkness poem; the opening stanza is a treat, because there's a sibilant hiss to the phrasing which adds to the effect of the descriptions. The alliteration adds a bit of fizz to the spoken appeal, particularly as it is so methodically paced. I think it's the pacing which adds an extra shiver too, there's something very measured about it which works so well.
I do love how you've tied this into an extended metaphor of chess, like a player is substituting the speaker's bones, or ivory, in order to obtain a lost piece, which is a gruesome thought.
Love your vocabulary and imagery, coupled with the composition it makes for a deliciously malevolant darkness poem.

[sicksoul]

Can I just say, Well Played^^ I love, love, love the fiesty, devil-may-care attitude this held and the way it rolled off the tongue.

he found his new deadened chessman;
as he asks its ivory to play the role of his queen
between his vainglorious shadowy set.

Brilliant! Awesome write Sasha

[QuietAstronomer]

Hmmmmm, Sashie, I detect some Stygian sarcasm here, do I not?
Quite a powerful piece in such a minimalist way.
You delivered a darkly natured plea, to be sure.

Thank you for the treasure.

QA

[mouze]

Nice, I saw the name and had to read it because my brother loves chess, and I'm glad I did.

[tangerinepie]

My this was one malevolent chess master, perhaps a character more diseased than Svengali.The horror of using skeletal bone to create chess pieces, in this case a queen stuns the senses.But the focus here is the brilliant delivery and word choices such as "Fragile phalanges" which are without comparison.This is a poem I could read over and over simply because the theme is so unique and macabre..Totally absorbing..Tangie..

[VeiledPrincess]

My Dear Sasha you need to be on this board more
often.
A stunning piece you wrote here. Excellent.

[queenjellybean]

This was tantalizing and definitely caught my attention!! I really liked the alliteration and convincing (aka scary!!) narration. The imagery was so minute and visceral, it was fantastic. Marvelous work, Sasha, congratulations on the spotlight!!

[songofmeadow]

Go Sasha, love the structuring of this as it paces the darkness in a blood curdling way, such a complex and captivating relationship, amazing work mx

[ladymaybebaby]

Jeepers! I don't visit the darkness board often and I know I miss out on a lot of great poetry because of that... but I will just have to try a bit harder! I'm so glad I got to read this one... wonderful work and you creeped the hell out of me! Mission accomplished? Yep, I'd say so! Congrats on the spotlight, it is much deserved!

-R
xoxo

[BhindBluEyes]

That was... wow. Amazing. It brought chills down my spine. The imagery and the skeleton and everything was just ... woah. Well done, you deserved this spotlight. Bravo.

Tabby

[tangerinepie]

Sasha..I said most of it before, so will just add that I am thrilled to see this spotlighted.It is a marvel of poetic creativity..So elated for you..Tangie..

[created2write]

Your approach was indicative of the title and the moves involved in chess. I liked the word choices that made this exciting and spotlight worthy. Peace

[Robert Haigh]

I love the game of chess. I used to play regularly at club level and I think I've played this guy! This poem is quite eerie and filled with drama. An excellent piece (pardon the pawn...I mean pun!).

[whubbard7]

Eh, nothing special... Just kiddin around Sash, well done! Creepy and for some reason... inspiring? You use some really big words very well, and well deserved Spotlight, as all are! Keep it up!
~WH7

[Dew]

A sinister kind of malevolence that I can't quite put my finger on...congrats on spotlight dearest S! - dew

[SirFleshwound]

Sinister indeed. Most definitely a tale of two turns. Arrogance this man exudes as he mounts his attack. Yet this lady is playing many moves ahead methinks...checkmate! Delicious and dark with a sultry undertone. A spotlight gem.