If We Were

[sleepingsun1]

You take me into your house
It sparkles with snow, the land
Rolls out over Yorkshire, white in
The sun. We watch it together, you tell me
Village tales, I sit and drink tea.

Anglo-Catholic, ritualised rarity,
Fascination over tradition, obsession with
Obscurities and anomalies after the reign of
Rome. Romanticism
Envelops you, you’ve had
Experiences with the same gender, I heard
And you’ve smoked things, I heard
And you tell me yourself, when drunk
You’ll do anything.

Yet not here.
Not among the snoring hills
Of snowy paradises, where paradigms
Shift every time you walk into your own home.
Quiet calm whispers wistfully of innocence
Bids you blissful bidding prayers
Binding you to a conservative calmness
And not the romantic Renaissance that you and I could do.

If we were, I would paint these valleys red.
The green and gold would die in our intensity
The birds would turn shrill, your house from
Pastoral and peaceful to the Gothic grandeur
That would herald us in, all would be grander
Greater and grotesquely changed, and you would
Revel in it

Yet I find myself asking still
If all this was, if you took to me
Whether you would be happy
As you are now? Light shatters
Through this farm house’s windows in the snow
While you chatter about village things
And drink tea.

[QuietAstronomer]

Almost a forlorn note to this piece.
The edge of winter's melancholy perhaps?

Well done.

QA

[robema1]

I like the twists in it revealing more than pure feelgood athmosphere, but something as profound as knowledge of history which is conveyed here.

Cheers Rob

[ladymaybebaby]

What a beautiful use of an extended metaphor! Each line just rolls perfectly into the next, never once missing a beat! You're line breaks are fantastic, and what you did with the English language is like music to my ears in this piece! Please don't ask me to pick a favorite part, as that would prove impossible! One of the best writes I've come across lately! To a job well done... many thanks for sharing this with us!

-LMB
xoxo

[ladylilith]

Really wonderful work. I fell in love with your diction and the way each line just falls into the next. There is just so much to drink up and take in. A highly deserved place in the Spotlight. Congrats!!

Lily^^

[Chelle]

I think it's a perfect example of how most of us compartmentalize our lives. We can be very different people in different aspects of life. You think you know someone, but perhaps you don't. So maybe, despite a sense of grandness, it's really the simple that they crave.

[ladymaybebaby]

I loved it the first time I read this piece and commented and I still think it's a great write and most deserving of this weeks spotlight! Congratulations!!!

-LMB
xoxo

[Ladywildalice]

This is so very grand in it's scope, so all encompassing of "the meeting" and the "commonness" of event, yet sculpted and scored with the musicality of descriptives and images that harken back to another era, another time, another place, something more noble, more piercing, than just sitting in a farm kitchen, drinking tea.
Excellent, enviable, and so very enchanting. Congratulations on the spotlight for this very well deserving write.

[lars]

Great narrative flow. Incisive metaphor. All woven into a real question with a hard-hitting banality as the conclusion. Nicely done.

[songofmeadow]

A captivating poem in both structure and the possibilities it offers the reader to explore, alliteration and rhymes are eye catching together with some really good word choices, both enjoyable and accomplished, well done on the spotlight mx

[dornicks]

Your piece reads so well and paints a picture of it's own. I hope it was Yorkshire tea in the pot Congrats to you,

dornicks

[SirFleshwound]

Oh such images this conjoured in my minds eye. I feel the narrator drift into the haze of a dream in the midst of a normal day. An Alice in Wonderland Tea Party of the soul. Beautiful...as is Yorkshire. Congratulations for a well chosen spotlight.

[Dew]

How charming...not only the pastoral peacefulness, but also the way it imposes its peace upon us and places us in its condition. Just lovely - dew

[everhopeful]

Quite a contrast in this one between the person who seems to have lived a life with more fizz than would be expected from a sleepy, scenic place. It speaks to me of getting beyond face value and discovering what makes people tick, and the air of yearning from the speaker to experience some of those alternative lifestyles together with this person gives this poem a lot of tension between the lines.
I enjoyed this one, congratulations on the spotlight!

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

this was eye candy for the reader. i like the old fashion sit down chat with a fellow partner in life. the diction and alliteration is so well conveyed here. i really enjoyed reading this. a peaceful sort of write. thank you for sharing and congrats on the spotlight it is more than well deserved.

victor

[Eccles]

I loved the intensity,yet simply conveyed theme which runs through this piece of brilliance. The home, the little farmhouse, seems to be the very heart of it all. It has been there through all the angst and all the 'forbidden'
things that are usually hidden from prying eyes. the writer shows an openness as the day is shared with a friend, one who knows all, but will never condemn, she will just be there to dream the same dream.
I found the fourth stanza to be so dramatic, I could see the changes vividly.

Eccles

[nortan223]

I get the feeling of a casual chat becoming inadvertently revealing. You have managed to convey this, but not in a casual way. The language flows beautifully and the observations are graphic, without becoming "pretentious". A well deserved Spotlight.

Norman

[Sasha]

This is such a gripping work!
Like you make the reader relate to this with their own way of living and their different point of view towards life.
Loved how you put all of that in a very well composed poem. Congratulations on the much deserved Spotlight!

Sash

[hidekazu inoue]

Thank you for the wonderful world where it is surprise that such great poetry existed in the present age.