A Smooth Ocean Unseen

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Jovel320
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A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Jovel320 » March 26th, 2013, 3:14 pm

-A Smooth Ocean Unseen-
By:Jovel320

Never seeing an ocean leads to focus on size
bigger than the span between my eyes
I could not grasp its distance.

I watched it roll itself in its rumble
drive upon its churn like a worm
coiling to gain ground.

Spinning and turning,
like elephant grass in the wind
pointing white fingers to the stars
creating dark, moist scars upon the grained sand.

Upon the spell of its smell, its sound compounded by mist
nostrils flared, eyes wide and teeth clenched
I stand frozen to the movement of this giant mass.
Sensing with my ears the roaring despair,
the unending fear hidden within its wetness
trying to break free of its channeled boundaries.

Mornings may bring other signs,
but none to watch like the ocean
exhausted, as it foams in its unrest.
Last edited by Jovel320 on October 31st, 2014, 9:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.



everhopeful
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Re: ASmooth Ocean Unseen

Post by everhopeful » March 27th, 2013, 8:13 am

Welcome to TPS!
This is a really striking piece of poetry, I think you've given a lot of depth to the subject matter, if you'll pardon the pun, and used similes and personification in a vivid and creative way. The penultimate stanza was my favourite, you've conveyed so much of the power of the ocean with some violent descriptions.



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Re: ASmooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Sasha » March 27th, 2013, 11:57 am

Yes, the similes here were spot on, and the way the speaker paid attention to every detail and coated it with wonderful imagery, is beyond beautiful, with intriguing perception given to the ocean.
Stellar work! Thanks for sharing it, and welcome to TPS!

Sash



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Re: ASmooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Jovel320 » March 27th, 2013, 4:56 pm

Thank You. I've been looking for a home for my lost and found poems. Maybe this is the enchanted land which I've been seeking. The trial will be in the keeping!!!!
Jovel320



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by knpoet » March 31st, 2013, 2:13 pm

Welcome to TPS, Jovel320, and congratulations on the Spotlight for this wonderful description of the ocean - quite a remarkable piece of work here and well deserving of this recognition! I hope you will feel at home here with us at TPS and that we will have the opportunity to read a lot more of your "lost and found" poetry.

Kathy


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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by SirFleshwound » April 1st, 2013, 12:54 am

I am struck by the authentic wonder that you portray in this piece. There is an intense sensation of awe felt in each verse as well as a lingering fear of the unknown. The metaphors and similes are spot on and glide the reader through. Congratulations on the spotlight and welcome.



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by musie » April 1st, 2013, 7:56 am

I AM GOD SMACKED at the same time NOT SURPRISED! Good grief, I've already told you this morning that you have Mad Writing skill's and then I come here, you not even a week old yet and already in the Spotlight?!WOW! What an Achievement! And it's no wonder....this was absolutely STUNNING in both it's imagery and creativity, just jammed packed with refreshing word behavior....You have a very talented flair and have already become one of my favorite's in one day! CONGRATULATIONS on the Spotlight...Most deserving and I ABSOLUTELY love anything that is written of the Sea or Ocean....Musie


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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by songofmeadow » April 1st, 2013, 12:53 pm

A delight to read being full of quite compelling imagery which in turn gives so much to the atmosphere, momentum grew and dissipated which fitted well with the ocean theme, well deserved and a late welcome mx


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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Robert Haigh » April 1st, 2013, 3:51 pm

A well-thought-out poetic piece. Powerful images presented in true artistic style. A highly enjoyable read!



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Josie » April 2nd, 2013, 3:37 pm

I could almost taste the salty air on my lips and see the drips on my windshield from a wave that escaped its boundary. Thank you for a fast trip back to the Pacific Ocean on the California and Oregon coastline.


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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Dew » April 2nd, 2013, 7:31 pm

A big congrats Jovel!!!! You deserve a little recognition for the prolific posting you've been doing! And congrats on the spotlight...job well done my friend - dew



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by JASON » April 3rd, 2013, 8:51 am

brilliant work - congratulations on the spotlight.



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by ladymaybebaby » April 3rd, 2013, 11:37 am

How did I miss this one the first time? I'm such a fan of your work, I'm like a mini stalker! A beautiful piece, I'm so glad I got a chance to read this one, thank goodness for second chances! Congratulations on the spotlight pick, it is much deserved!

-LMB
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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Sasha » April 3rd, 2013, 2:44 pm

Enjoyed this the first time, and I'm glad to read it for the second time and under the Spotlight. Like I said, this is really a wonderful work! Congratulations!

Sash



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by dornicks » April 3rd, 2013, 3:30 pm

So vivid and descriptive I could almost feel the ocean spray. Congratulations on a well deserved choice for the Spotlight.

dornicks.


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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by everhopeful » April 3rd, 2013, 3:45 pm

I think the sense of awe and grandeur is most appropriate for the subject matter, yet the level of insight and detail conveyed through your metaphors really helped to paint a picture of this being about more than just a view of the coastline, it was a view which seemed almost spiritual.
A pleasure to re-read this one, congratulations on the spotlight.



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by jwesley » April 3rd, 2013, 4:20 pm

Congratulation on the Spotlight, my friend...much enjoyed the waves...as most, always enjoy the sea.

j.



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by UruruAximus » April 4th, 2013, 5:13 pm

Congrats on the spotlight! You really deserve to get it.



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Re: A Smooth Ocean Unseen

Post by Jovel320 » April 4th, 2013, 5:26 pm

My mother showed me the ocean when I was 6 or 7 years old and this is the imprint that it left me with.
Thank you everyone for your encouraging words. As we all know, we live through the eyes of others-good or bad it is their opinions that drive and define us.
Jovel320



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