Sick

[Etchers]

Verse 1:
Summer skies know nothing of me.
Winter rain is bleeding for the sun.
Spring nonsense, roses bushes bloom.
Autumn air, red crisp in your colourless eyes.

Chorus:
Do we hold those who leave?
Do we take the time to breathe?
Can I make peace with myself?
In sickness and in health?
Sick puppy.
A sick puppy.

Verse 2:
When I’m outside I see you.
Walking with that boy of yours.
Still grasping at strings to pull straws.
Still lying to tell the truth.

Chorus:
Do we hold those who leave?
Do we take the time to breathe?
Can I make peace with myself?
In sickness and in health?
Sick puppy.
A sick puppy.

Refrain:
The chosen one has got legs like Summer.
Burnt and dry.
The chosen one has eyes like Winter.
Cold and dead.

Chorus: -

Verse 3:
Sugar is flaking from my skin.
Pleasure filtered through when you leave.
A caked on mess of a boy.
A twisted b----- of a girl.

[Chelle]

hmmm i guess i havent deciphered this one all the way since there seems to be an underlying story. still, i love the natural elements at the beginning that segues into the human comparison.

[ladylilith]

The refrain was particularly effective for me. I thought the further through the verses I got, the more of an impact it had. I too felt that there was more to the story, the background of it, than I could discern, but that said, it's a smooth, well put together piece! Nice one!

Lily^^

[everhopeful]

This is really excellent writing, I'm not the most knowledgeable about song-writing but the poetic qualities of it really stood out to me. The refrain lines are so cutting, but stick to the theme and extended metaphor of your song, and are a perfect contrast to the more haunting qualities of your verses and chorus.
Like this one a lot!

[dornicks]

There is a melody breaking through as I read this. I feel there is a lot more hidden in the lines than I can tell. Congratulations on the Spotlight.

[ladymaybebaby]

Excuse my ignorance on song writing! I enjoy the rhymes and I can imagine a beat in my head... but as far as breaking it down, I have not a clue about writing songs! I do know the spotlight is a big deal, so congratulations on that and enjoy your chance to shine!

-LMB
xoxo

[musie]

This was SO "Sick" that it was great! I really think that this is metaphorical particularly telling in the last stanza...These Chorus line's are great in their imagery:

"Do we hold those who leave?
Do we take the time to breathe?
Can I make peace with myself?
In sickness and in health?"

Very lyrical in the craftsmanship of this piece! CONGRATS on the SPOTLIGHT Etcher's! Musie

[AliMariesDad]

Incredible! Powerful! Spectacular imagery and jam-packed metaphor! Well written.
AMD

[everhopeful]

A really well-constructed song that stays true to the extended metaphor throughout, with a strong narrative appeal and some really cutting lines.
I enjoyed seeing this one again, congratulations on the spotlight!

[SirDaniel]

Love the use of the seasons in the first verse, it really sets the tone for the rest of the song. Much enjoyed, congratulations on the spotlight.

Daniel

[inflames]

This reads quite simply, but I think there's something elegant about that. Lovely piece. Congrats on your spotlight!