Uttered

[jeremyf]

"Oh wow, my God it is all
beautiful you, the very same
that flies my heart so high.
It’s all I can do to restrain
myself from reaching out,
kissing your familiar face
with that good-good passion,
celebrate all your smells and tastes.

And I need us to mean love again
with all that ease and coziness
much louder than we ever did before,
and promise never to miss chances
to see our next shared smiles.
Too much has been just sillied away
so let’s write that jealoused romance,
finally back together as me with you.”



(a/n- strikethrough style originally inspired by a DJK signature strikethrough, concept solidified by an Everhopeful strikethrough poem, an idea I have told him I would steal)

[ladymaybebaby]

Very cool... I like the strike throughs, as if the speaker wanted to say these things out loud to the other person, but just either didn't or couldn't and all he could utter was "oh it's good to see you". I think we've all had those moments when those thought are going through our minds and we just want to let them spill out, but because of circumstance all we are able to say are simple pleasantries. Not only is the concept cool, the actual poem beneath is a very beautiful write!

-LMB
xoxo

[musie]

Talk about reading between the line's and the mind..this was a GREAT piece for Angst jeremy....I think I remember seeing something about stealing this concept....but no matter the bottom line is that it work's! So many thing's unspoken due to a certain level of anxiety....and exceptional write my friend....Musie

[SongUnsung]

Wonderful concept. Great poem. Keep up the good work.

[everhopeful]

The cycle continues, I'm sure it was Sasha who used it before me. We won't tell anyone though!
I normally rabbit on about the sonic quality of your work, and there's still a subtle sense of utilising sound, particularly in the opening stanza, but this is all about the visual. It's quite unique as an angst poem too, especially reading the struckthrough parts as a poem of its own and enjoying all of what the speaker really wanted to say, then understanding all they were able to say - it's a world apart, and it left me nodding in empathy, understanding and feeling like I've been there all too often myself.

[bandgeekfreak]

This is so cool, I want to try it cause it looks difficult to succeed. I never thought of ever doing this. Great poem.

[platinummoon]

A totally new art for me. I loved it.................................but I now want to try it too

[tangerinepie]

Wow Jeremyf..so glad I caught this alluring poem.The cross outs made the words even stronger. a great concept that really worked well..Very enjoyable..Tangie..

[Alan]

LOVE!

It's this kind of poetry I like to write and this is the kind of poetry I like to read!

I love how the form of the poetry helps give it so much meaning. It's as if the most important and meaningful words are the ones which aren't uttered. What appears to be a decent greeting could be fraught with loneliness, giddiness, or even annoyance or embarrassment. The depth of human deception can be limitless.


I'm simply blown away and inspired. May I use this idea jeremyf? DJK?

[BarryC]

this is unusual-well done