Atlas Screamed

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
Post Reply
Sardonic Sadism
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:128
Joined:July 6th, 2013, 10:36 am
Location:My Old Stomping Grounds
Atlas Screamed

Post by Sardonic Sadism » July 13th, 2013, 1:59 pm

We are the ones who hold the world on our shoulders
We are the ones who keep your supplies well stocked
We are the ones who keep your splendors maintained
We are the ones who create signs that originate lovely
Life for people of your ilk smelling like fine silk

Look at your privilege induced attitude
Expensive new shirt hands untapped
Skin never dirty has never cracked
Fingernails pristine look at how they glean
Gaze at your unburdened stance
Safe from the weight of a hardened box
Sharpened by the passage of minimum wage time
Working on the corporate pittance of a dime

While you look at your watch and bark
That statistics have divined my productivity is off the mark
No lowering the bar pick up the pace so you can continue
Your fancy race to save more luxury for the master race
Look at how the sun beams off your face look at your career
What a darling what a stunning flair look at that hair
Tossing turning in bed is all we do hard mattresses caressing
Broken frames as you dine on goose and toss away the bones
It really starts to take its toll on all of our pained twisted souls

We are the ones whose backs you've placed against a spiral
As you wile away creating fancy productions of survival
Laughing about your affordable bills
The art you make are duties we used to fulfill
In your utopia machine of high esteem
Look at how it all glitters see how it all comes together
Sustenance to us is viability while to you an affinity
Luxurious drunkenness enjoying the finest tastes of animal flesh
While we who support you dine on remnants of ammonia treated
pink mesh in tiny domiciles you've created for us to live
While you look down with porcelain covered grins

We're a family unless quotas aren't met so in that case
We're replaceable and we're next since you need a sparkling Rolex
As we view the world from the dimmed eyes of tired flies
Hanging around your walls listening to all of your golf balls
Great swing look at it go faster than a spurious crow
Showcase wealthy ignorance while sipping Bordeaux
We've become dulled and stained since you've locked the Great Library
Kept it from us like some Ancient Refinery

We're the ones who hold the world on our shoulders
To keep your neat composure
We're the ones who cry and suffer in poverty
To keep you tucked in pristine property
What a precious piece of paper
What hard work for one so clever
What outstanding frivolous credibility
You must be special you must be impeccable
While we're the ones who are expendable
To men with commendable degrees


“My past is everything I failed to be.”
― Fernando Pessoa


Image

ladymaybebaby
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:5371
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 11:37 am
Location:dying in the heat and humidity that is New Orleans

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by ladymaybebaby » July 13th, 2013, 2:33 pm

Wow, this is the perfect example of a well done poem with perfect rhymes. They are crisp, catchy and never once do you 'sell-out' an end word to make a cheap rhyme and compromise the intergrity of this piece! I just love the pace and flow of this one, I found myself having to stop and catch by breath, it was written that well! It has a beat to it, a lyrical quality it you want to call it that, but I could certainly hear a really cool beat to it in my mind as I was reading along. Truly one of the best rhymed poems I have read in a very long time! Superb work! Loved it!

-LMB
xoxo


Image

Dew and I want you in our posse! Just PM us!


My latest poem: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42651

User avatar
allmirth
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:4578
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 5:20 pm
Location:Cajun Country

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by allmirth » July 13th, 2013, 4:39 pm

All I can say is, what a wonderfully eloquent and truly poetic counter John Galt and his flesh and blood counterparts! Bravo!

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirth :smile:


Image

User avatar
generictruth
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:468
Joined:May 5th, 2012, 11:14 pm

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by generictruth » July 13th, 2013, 6:27 pm

I'm not sure if this was done on purpose but the lack of punctuation sped up the pace quite a bit, and gave it an understandble tone. It's hard for the working class no doubt, and those in higher levels of society always manage to look down on those with "less" significant jobs and second hand clothes, but they fail to relise that when they stick their nose in the air and strut away judging us, that they're judging most of the earth's population, and it's a god complex like that that really p--- me off. So i think you captured this quite well, but i think that a piece like this would be a good fit for the anger/angst board.


When we hope for perfection
we only see the pain
when we pray for light
there's only rain
Image

Paralee
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:472
Joined:April 13th, 2013, 9:19 pm

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by Paralee » July 13th, 2013, 11:47 pm

Stunned! This is my kind of poem. You expressed current and soon current feelings so well! And the writing structure just effortlessly flowed, even with the wording and meaning. .....stunning.



queenjellybean
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:628
Joined:April 14th, 2012, 12:55 am

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by queenjellybean » July 21st, 2013, 2:05 am

This poem did not stop! It was relentless in its blistering, biting, and insightful critique, and included relevant details that made the meaningful hit home. As noted, the rhythm and rhyme added a lovely consistency to this piece and made it a memorable read. I'm incredibly impressed by this poem, congrats on this much-deserved spotlight!



dornicks
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:3344
Joined:April 19th, 2012, 5:28 pm

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by dornicks » July 21st, 2013, 4:47 pm

I'm with you all the way on this well written piece. Congratulations and thank you for sharing,

dornicks


Image

Sardonic Sadism
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:128
Joined:July 6th, 2013, 10:36 am
Location:My Old Stomping Grounds

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by Sardonic Sadism » July 21st, 2013, 5:10 pm

I'm honored that this is being shown as a spotlight poem. Thank you all for your very kind comments.

Cheers.


“My past is everything I failed to be.”
― Fernando Pessoa


Image

User avatar
allmirth
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:4578
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 5:20 pm
Location:Cajun Country

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by allmirth » July 21st, 2013, 10:18 pm

Well worth another reading and Congratulations on a deserved Spotlight.

Again, thanks for sharing.

Mirthy :smile:


Image

Dew
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:7403
Joined:April 24th, 2012, 9:08 pm
Location:The Emerald Coast
Contact:

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by Dew » July 22nd, 2013, 9:04 am

I often wonder about it...the natural law of morality which says wealth should engender generosity...but even our church values get crossed with calculators, counting the cost of a tip to thank someone who stood so that we could sit, who cooked so we could eat, who worked so we could play. Excellent write friend...congrats! - dew



BarryC
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:385
Joined:November 23rd, 2012, 2:55 pm

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by BarryC » July 22nd, 2013, 2:15 pm

oustanding -deserving of the spotlight



User avatar
tangerinepie
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:4459
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 10:42 pm
Location:The North Shore

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by tangerinepie » July 22nd, 2013, 7:16 pm

A very heavy hitter here, anger well expressed at social injustices.In looking at society in all areas of the world,poverty rears it's ugly head in ways that are hard to imagine.I watched the movie "Blood Diamond" last night, and the astounding violence of people massacring their own people was unbelievable.You have brought to light so many other issues of mans struggles, and the world is not a pretty place.Thank you for sharing a well deserved spotlight piece..Tangie..


Image
Image

User avatar
platinummoon
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:846
Joined:May 16th, 2013, 8:13 am
Location:Ireland
Contact:

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by platinummoon » July 23rd, 2013, 9:51 am

What a social statement!! Bravo. This is the second poem Of yours that I have read and been astounded by.................... Do you KNOW how good you are?
The social statement aside, the poem is pen perfect. Well done. :flower: :flower: :flower: :flower: :flower: :flower:



inflames
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:1163
Joined:April 14th, 2012, 2:23 am

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by inflames » July 24th, 2013, 1:05 am

Nice statement you've made here. This is quite cool. Wonderful work and congrats on your spotlight!


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


Image

everhopeful
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:6714
Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:21 am

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by everhopeful » July 24th, 2013, 2:52 pm

This is an absolute blast of poetry, the fierce, biting tone is still filled with an undercurrent of social conscience and critique, and it's delivered in an unmistakably furious fashion. However, the justifiable aggression doesn't disguise the element of sadness that society has become so divided between the haves and have nots.
Congratulations on the spotlight.



User avatar
Josie
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:770
Joined:May 27th, 2012, 10:31 pm

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by Josie » July 25th, 2013, 11:01 pm

'Atlas Screamed' was a catchy title. It brought back memories of Mom preaching that it didn't matter what we chose to do in life as long as we did our best. It reminded me of one of Wordsworth's poems about an old man who collected leaches. He was alone out in the country, but he was not lonely. A lot of it had to do with the attitude he had while he worked, but, back to your poem. We do need to remember how much we depend on each other and to be appreciative of the work others do.


Image Image

flux
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:2427
Joined:April 15th, 2012, 12:04 pm
Location:North Wales coast.

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by flux » July 27th, 2013, 4:54 pm

You put into words our civilizations sickness, the wrongness that lies at its core, the rotten centre everything revolves around. And you leave an unspoken question for us to answer, what is the cure? You don't preach here, you simply articulate the truth, I like that.


Make fellow poets happy and comment on their poems.



ImageImageImageImage

musie
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:2716
Joined:April 14th, 2012, 11:56 pm
Location:The Heartland

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by musie » July 28th, 2013, 5:47 am

Coming in late to the reading of this, I can only echo what all has already been said about this well crafted piece of work...you are one with MAD writing skill's...The Title of this is just a perfect fit...as the underling's of the Corporate Ladder scream trying to hold up those who feed well off them....it is no wonder as to why this made the Spotlight...CONGRATULATION'S! I think many could identify with this piece and especially in today's world....Musie


ImageImage

User avatar
StreamofAether
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:182
Joined:December 10th, 2012, 1:21 am
Location:Wilmington, CA

Re: Atlas Screamed

Post by StreamofAether » July 28th, 2013, 5:44 pm

This is great work, and I can only echo what has been said. A booming anthem of travesties. I think when Wall Street the movie came out people mistook the satire for something to which all bankers and brokers should aspire. It's time to shake off the Randian philosophy and social "Darwinism" that is still firmly embedded in society and realize slavery has not vanished but taken new subtle forms. I like the structure immensely, meaty in the middle and tapers at the end as if in exasperation. Thanks for such excellence!


"The key to creativity is knowing how to keep your sources hidden."


Please notice me.

Post Reply