Overtime

[Baywriter]

First of all, welcome to TPS!
I feel in a way that I can relate to this piece because my husband is always working and it drives me nuts and it drives him nuts that it drives me nuts.... Anyway, to the poem! Hehe.
To me, this is a scene of a husband working overtime and reminiscing when he had more time with his wife and when she felt loving and connected. The poem as a whole, though, seems to be talking about the way a couple drifts apart "over time" (I like how that ties into "overtime") and the sadness in knowing they won't ever be the same as they used to be. I liked the narrative form you've developed here, while still keeping your lines distinctly poetic. Really, this was beautifully written and expressed. You should great control with your language. Not too much. Not too little. Great work. Thanks for sharing.

Bay

[evanlovett]

I think in our strive for financial success we may lose sight on the hearts success... a modern tragedy that seems so overwhelmingly apparent today... A touching write that is relating to many. Thank you and welcome to TPS

[everhopeful]

Welcome to TPS!
I suspect that the form of this poem is as much of a metaphor for the meaning as the words themselves- the rigid structure, which holds through lines enjambed across stanzas represents the side of life which must be obeyed, like earning a living and spending within a budget. That in itself is a classic device to convey meaning.
It's also very understated in terms of language and actions, yet there's a bigger picture conveyed by that, of the struggle to maintain a relationship in the daily grind of life. I even pondered if the glass in stanza two was an office partition, or pehaps a computer screen as the couple lived through skype.
Excellent work, I'm very impressed with this one.

[queenjellybean]

This was awesome. I loved the smooth details, the very convincing tone, the aura and scene that were set. As Mick noted, the form added another element to this piece, with the enjambment making each line hold significance. I'm so glad I got the chance to read this, congratulations on the spotlight!

[allmirth]

Welcome to TPS!

Congratulations on a well deserved Spotlight. This poem is wonderful,if sad commentary. It is a trap people all too easily fall into with the best of intentions. It is necessary to work to survive, but, we must work to live, not live to work. Thought provoking. Look forward to reading more.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy

[Dew]

Loved most of all the double meaning in the title...staying at work putting in 'overtime' and also the way you contemplate their commitment to one another...even through things that separate them 'over time'. A really touching moment...normal rockwell moment. Congrats on the spot! - dew

[Sardonic Sadism]

This one hits hard. It tells the story of focusing so much on survival that all the luxuries of love and romance are whittled away as necessities become all the more difficult to gather. You can see the gradual wear and tear of their relationship as the poem continues.

Very well written.

[tangerinepie]

Fabulous write, and I smiled thinking of the wear and tear long term relationships suffer.The poem is so well done, effortlessly it seemed in getting it all said in a very realistic way..A wonderful spotlight choice..Tangie..

[wendellgee]

The breakdown into blocks of verse is fabulous.

[platinummoon]

I don't see a man working for the survival of his family, I see a mansurviving to work. It seems his work is more important than his wife.
A very good poem. Well done.

[dornicks]

A striking and sad observation on today's priorities, well documented in your piece. Congratulations and thank you for sharing this,

dornicks

[inflames]

Sad story and very stark observations in this. I really like the way that this is structured. Well done! Congrats on your spotlight. :)

[everhopeful]

I was really impressed by this one first time around and I'm equally as impressed upon re-reading. The poetic devices employed are subtle yet effective at enhancing the meaning, and the construction of it is excellent.
Congratulations on the spotlight.

[flux]

This poem is like a knife in the gut, it enters the mind almost without resistance, and no discomfort, but with each stanza it pushes a little deeper until it hits a nerve, and the pain is revealed. Well written and admired.

[Josie]

This poem presents a clear image of a husband and wife's relationship. I am not sure where the husband works but it sounds like the husband is running a family business and she is in proximity to his office, possibly in their home. He is frustrated because his books aren't balancing and she is frustrated because he won't be sharing dinner with her and she will be going to bed without him. A little self pity was evident as the woman remembers how things were at the beginning of their marriage. It sounds like they took on more responsibility than they can handle, because she is losing weight as evident by a change in her ring size. Their budget could be too stringent, or she is overworking as well to finance a shared dream. There are so many possibilities to what could be happening, but it is clear that they are both feeling the strain emotionally. As a reader, I want to see them having more time for each other and reigniting the passion they have for one another. I thought your title was clever. Congratulations on the spotlight!

[3M2R]

Wow, this is heartwrenching and deep. It speaks of a story lived by so many. Life's hard. Really hard. Regardless of where we are, what we do. It's always hard, even when we do nothing, it's still hard. This thing about marriage: I guess that's what before marriage, it's called romantic visions, while after marriage, it's called life. I see my parents, it's all about income, 'margins' and 'profits'. It's hard. Yea, I've said that so many times... But I like how every line in there contributes to this heavy feeling, this tough, hard, dry, very painful drag of marriage life. It reminds me 'The Wife's Tragedy' by Patmore. Bookmarked for my quiet revisits.

Definitely worthy of its place in the spotlight. Thanks for sharing!

Dreamer

[musie]

Hi abstracted~WoW! Not here that long and already in the Spotlight with this magnificently written piece, and it's no wonder...Welcome to TPS! I too love the structure of this piece as the enjambment made for a very smooth read, and the metaphor's are not lost on the reader, I think that Everhopeful pretty much pegged it, bu we will not know unless you respond....It's an absolute pleasure reading a great piece of writing like this...Musie

[bandgeekfreak]

Welcome! that poem was really deep and interesting. Held me captivated till the last word, just wow. I can't believe how sucked into work people get, but this portrays it perfectly. Great piece, I can't wait to read more by you :)