Spectrum

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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TheManInTheSuit
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Spectrum

Post by TheManInTheSuit » July 31st, 2013, 10:58 am

Spectrum

I--
I,
chase these bitter lies,
I--
I,
drape my skin in dye,
but where is my,
where is the
spectrum in my head,
no color, no color,
I'm the painted dead
And still I fight, whoa still I fight
in this season so damn long,
oh at night I cry,
I'd be better gone.

We--
we,
stitch our hearts again,
We--
we,
stab each other's friend,
oh how do I,
how can I
fight this pounding in my head,
No, no color in my,
I'm the painted dead
Oh and still I try, oh how I try
in this season so damn long,
no wondering why,
I'd be better gone.

I--
I,
chase new lies again,
I--
I,
pray to find the end,
where can it, oh,
where is the
spring of living color,
why, oh why, must I
bury my loving brother,
yeah still I try,
oh and I still fight
these echoes in my head,
no color, no color,
I'm the painted dead
So here I lie, yes I cry
in this season so damn long,
oh wondering why,
my life is all but gone.
Last edited by TheManInTheSuit on July 31st, 2013, 11:08 am, edited 1 time in total.


I wear my heart on my sleeves
With matching chucks
Upon my feets...

What is your poetry?

ladymaybebaby
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Re: Spectrum

Post by ladymaybebaby » July 31st, 2013, 11:06 am

I love the different ways you used the title 'spectrum in this piece'. The color, the seasons, your mood, it all fit together so perfectly. I really liked the line about the no color, no color, but you are painted dead. That like totally stood out for me. I found it so hauting and sad and full of emptiness on the part of the speaker. A very strong emotive write, I enjoyed this one immensely! Well done!

-LMB
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My latest poem: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42651

everhopeful
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Re: Spectrum

Post by everhopeful » August 1st, 2013, 7:57 am

It was the delivery of this one which really captured my eye, the deliberately faltering, stuttering use of repetition made it feel very grounded and real, yet well suited to performance. The use of colour was excellent, I was drawn to the element which showed that the speaker needed to feel theirs from within, rather than just something painted on. It spoke to me of the big difference between what you feel and what you present to the world.
This one had something a little bit different about it, and I like it.



True~Reflection
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Re: Spectrum

Post by True~Reflection » August 2nd, 2013, 4:12 am

I couldn't help but sense a lyrical quality to this piece. It was really well done. I like the repetition and the back and forth from 'I', to 'we' and back to 'I' again. It really felt like this piece was dragging the reader through a colorless spectrum and I feel like that makes this a really powerful piece. Very nicely done.


All I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.
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TheManInTheSuit
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Re: Spectrum

Post by TheManInTheSuit » August 2nd, 2013, 10:39 am

Thank you much for the responses, they are really appreciated.


I wear my heart on my sleeves
With matching chucks
Upon my feets...

What is your poetry?

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Simran
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Re: Spectrum

Post by Simran » October 22nd, 2013, 12:08 am

So poignant, so colourless(!) and so so beautiful!! What a spectrum of emotions!
Congratulations on the well earned Spotlight!
Simran :-)



rupertpupkin
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Re: Spectrum

Post by rupertpupkin » October 23rd, 2013, 4:43 pm

Hi, I thought this was a wonderful piece of writing. Almost seemed like a song to me and I found myself hearing it sung when reading it. Super work and a very deserving spotlight, well done and enjoy, Sean.


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E.S.
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Re: Spectrum

Post by E.S. » October 24th, 2013, 1:39 am

5/5. Excellent.



inflames
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Re: Spectrum

Post by inflames » October 24th, 2013, 7:16 am

This has a very solemn tune to it, but it's excellent work. It's very poignant. Wonderful work! Congrats on your spotlight.


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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everhopeful
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Re: Spectrum

Post by everhopeful » October 24th, 2013, 9:14 am

I remember reading this one the first time around and being so struck by the way it was written in a stuttering style - it was quite awkward to take in, but when I got into the poem I found it to be a brilliant way of enhancing the feel of the words themselves. I see how some others picked up on a song-like quality to this, but I think that even with the board-crossing potential it has found a most suitable home now!
Congratulations on the spotlight!



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songofmeadow
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Re: Spectrum

Post by songofmeadow » October 24th, 2013, 9:17 am

I thought this wonderful poem must have come via songwriters such is the musicality of it but reading comments possibly not, either way it is compelling reading and a worthy spotlight winner mx


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flux
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Re: Spectrum

Post by flux » October 26th, 2013, 5:14 am

Very original, and many stand out lines. Definitely a work of the heart, only something intuitive can be this original.


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allmirth
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Re: Spectrum

Post by allmirth » October 28th, 2013, 9:39 pm

This does have the quality of a performance piece or a song.A most original and creative write. Congratulations on the Spotlight.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy :lovey:


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