Microscopic Betrayal

[soccerjlp]

Some defunct double helix has stolen my future. It has cruelly unwound the intricate details one so carefully puts together when fashioning a life, starting with a normal childhood.

Childhood was tainted with metastasizing cells and residents asking for my medical history--to which I would shortly reply, “It’s in my charts. I’ll be in the playroom.” Dumb a----. Like a five-year-old with cancer would want to entertain a conversation about their medical history when a massive playroom beckoned, a playroom that would make even the sickest child forget their pain. I eventually beat the cancer; however, my body wasn’t done attacking me.

Pre-pubescence was colored with complex symptoms that all pointed to this mitochondrial monster that ravaged my body in waves. Good days allowed me to roam free and bad days left me tethered to a wheelchair. The unpredictability of it was the hardest symptom to handle.

Teenage years have been heartbreaking, with school dances stolen from me, class attendance impossible, and friends falling away along with any sense of normalcy—hell, I can’t even sleep without the inner-monster painfully reminding me of its presence.

Adulthood, well, it feels more like a death sentence than some bright spot one cheerfully anticipates. Plans to be a tattoo artist? Shattered when I lost the ability to write with my dominant hand. Plans to be a nurse? Crippled when I was informed I would be wheelchair bound, permanently. Plans to start a family? Smashed when I discovered the disease within could be given to my children like some bad genetic gift.
All I have left is anger. It screams for me, it mourns for me, and it lives for me. It is the only sustaining force in my life. Anger at my body and its microscopic betrayal fuel me on the days where it has weakened my will to keep going. Being angry is the only way I know how to fight my illness. After all, how do you battle your own DNA?

[ladylilith]

Mmm hmm. The harsh fate of your own script (or 'DNA') can't be altered.. and that sucks! You describe such an awful thing to have to live with, and when dreams and hopes are constantly dashed or shattered, what is there left? This leaves a bleak kind of feeling in the reader, but it reflects the reality of it. So well articulated, thank you for sharing it.

Lily^^

[AnIdeasman]

I like the way you explain this. Your writing style is clear & concise and the story comes together naturally, as if we were having a casual conversation.

“‘It’s in my charts. I’ll be in the playroom’. Dumb a----” This line really stood out for me; although in a grim setting, it still manages to be comical.

You certainly depict harshness in this piece, the harshness of growing up with an illness. It would appear that it has hardened you in a way no other experiences could, which really shines through in your writing.
Very much enjoyed the read, thank you for sharing.

[everhopeful]

While this is a relatively fleeting look at a long term illness, one with symptoms and after effects to last a lifetime, there's enough detail and emotion to feel like we've had a chance to at least partly experience it with the narrator. I think there's a very calm and reasoned tone to this throughout, and I think that made me even more ready to feel the anger from them, it seemed like the natural response to losing so many dreams and ambitions.
Really well written.

[JASON]

a very well written piece thoroughly deserving of the spotlight,bravo!

[flux]

Yes, your anger certainly gives this power, and yes I agree, sometimes anger is the only thing we can hold on to and use. I'm glad you didn't try to apologize for your anger or feel negative about it, some negative feelings are justified, even if the target of our anger is something we cannot reach. You seem to have started a journey with this, it feels that way.

[candlewitch]

Dumb-a---- indeed! I resonated to these lines:

All I have left is anger. It screams for me, it mourns for me, and it lives for me. It is the only sustaining force in my life. Anger at my body and its microscopic betrayal fuel me on the days where it has weakened my will to keep going. Being angry is the only way I know how to fight my illness. After all, how do you battle your own DNA?

I had an emotionally debilitating childhood, particularly loveless, except for my father whom I was mostly kept from seeing. It was crippling and required many hours of therapy.

Physically, I now ride a wheelchair due to degenerative arthritis. But there is hope for my knees...I can have surgery for my knees, after I reach 65. I can very much relate to the anger.

always, Cat

[allmirth]

Profoundly powerful write. Your anger is palpable and righteous. Congratulations on the spotlight.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy

[AnIdeasman]

A very well deserved spotlight

[platinummoon]

I missed this first time round.
Even if you are healthy and this is 'just' a writer's work, it speaks for all who have suffered like the narrator. A well told tale of Betrayal. Well deserved spotlight.

[maggiebar3]

Childhood was tainted with metastasizing cells and residents asking for my medical history--to which I would shortly reply, “It’s in my charts. I’ll be in the playroom.” Dumb a----. Like a five-year-old with cancer would want to entertain a conversation about their medical history when a massive playroom beckoned, a playroom that would make even the sickest child forget their pain.

This too, did it for me. Dumb a---- indeed. You tell your story with such matter-of-factness yet I can still feel the despair. It's a hard life, I hope you don't lose hope.

[inflames]

This is so harsh... It' hard to imagine going through such an awful thing. To be betrayed by your own body is a terrible thing. Thanks for sharing this poem. Congrats on your spotlight!

[tangerinepie]

I feel as with all these types of illnesses, the rage of the unfairness of it all, the limitations placed are with you every moment.No one can really understand the emotions unless they live with it themselves.So glad you were able to write this poem in your own way.A very well deserved spotlight choice..My best to you..Tangie..

[everhopeful]

The final paragraph was particularly brilliant, those rhetorical questions were all answered with the level of force to show us the narrator's anger as much as tell us about it. After the precise descriptions beforehand, I feel like I got a lot of insight from this and it moved me for sure.
Glad to see this one again here in the spotlight, congratulations!

[Josie]

This was a very poignant examination of one truth about life. Life is not fair. Life happens. N illustrated the next important aspect about it. N did not give up, but illustrated a fighting spirit to muster the strength to move on by doing what could be done. Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight recognition.

[ladymaybebaby]

Love how this story took us through the different steps and hardships in your life. I really felt for that little child and I hope he has some peaceful days to enjoy not knowing that his body was always deceiving him. Really powerful writing! I will be looking for more of your work, love your style! Congratulations on the spotlight pick of the week. This story certainly deserved it, what a great read!

-LMB
xoxo

[musie]

soccerjlp~This was truly and astounding and gripping piece of work, very well written...all I could think about was how many children that I have either seen on TV of come across when going to a hospital...their live's stolen by something they have no control over, and therefore the only thing they do have control over is the Anger...and it's completely understandable....and so very sad, and this is just jam packed with such palpable emotion that it makes for a very heart striking read....a most deserved Spotlight indeed...CONGRATULATIONS! Musie

[Paulette]

IMHO, this is a beautiful piece! It's hard to say, "I love this," when I HATE what it's about! Frustration, anger, pain ... it's gut-wrenching and passionate. Extremely well done, but I'm oh, so sorry you can write with such authority. You'll most certainly be in my prayers!

[Sasha]

There's a use of delicate language here to serve tattered emotions plastered with anger; I think that's the nature reaction when a peaceful planned life is stolen right in front of your eyes. It's so heartbreaking that bad events have been happening through a timeline of speaker's life that was powerfully paragraphed here.
The ending part was so striking, especially the question you left to hang in the reader's mind after reading such a compelling piece of work!
Congratulations on the Spotlight!

Sash

[dornicks]

A very moving write, deserving of it's place in the spotlight. Congratulations and thank you for sharing on this,

dornicks