My Last Shallow Bed

[True~Reflection]

Bury my body and me
In silk with sweet whisky,
And sing me to sleep.

Place a rose upon my grave,
Offer up prayers to a god that
I never forgave,
And never called home.

I never loved, I walked it alone,
At least that’s what it says,
Chiseled out in gray stone.

Bury my body and me
In the dirt, with worms,
For company.

And sing me to sleep.

Just know I did not fight,
I didn't always do what I knew was right,
But I embraced the stars,
And now I embrace the night.

Place a rose upon my grave,
And say goodbye to the flesh
Of my cage,
That I always hated,
But never could change.

I never loved, I walked it alone,
I took the journey and my
Heart took to stone.

But that’s alright,
I tended Eden
All on my own.

Bury my body and me,
And offer up a sweet melody
To sing me to sleep.

I embrace the stars and I embrace the night,
And somewhere in there I know this is right,
It’s where I've been heading
And where I’m supposed to be.

[Baywriter]

This is such a lyrical poem, which I thought was quite fitting with the repetition of "sing me to sleep." I also liked the repetition of "bury my body and me" because it's as if the body of the speaker and the speaker herself don't match up in some way, as if she feels she is not who she is supposed to be. To me, this poem screams of change, either a desired change, or perhaps a "burial" of old ways or an old life because "heading...where [she's] supposed to be." It seems as if the speaker has grown cold and "stone" and the desire is to change that.

I thought this was beautifully written. The rhythm and rhyme of the poem are so well-constructed, especially considering that this is an OM. Great job.

Bay

[everhopeful]

I'm not sure how you managed to make a poem with such a tragic sentiment seem so unthreatening and peaceful. The imagery is morbid and calls upon some of the traditional elements associated with burial, yet still it doesn't feel like a lament, even when coupled to the descriptions which suggest the life lived wasn't a happy and fulfilling one either. It's only when I reached the finale where I understood why the speaker could be so casual about it - because she felt like it was achieving her destiny.
I agree with Bay regarding the lyrical, sing-song, feel of this one, and that it added a lot toward making this read so serenely, which is an impressive feat in a poem with a theme that instinctively makes me want to feel sadness.

[ladylilith]

For some reason I found myself clinging to that first line (later repeated, which was a great touch!) and kept coming back to it.

'Bury my body and me' - there was something in the separation of these two parts, that should be one and the same, no? Maybe not! It made me think about the way we do indeed bury bodies, but what about the person that animated it?

There is a gentle kind of melancholy to this, and as Ever says, it's a s though this should be more tragic, more desperate, but there is a lyrical grace that comes through, which as the reader progresses through it, becomes more fitting and more understandable methinks.

An engrossing piece. I was really intrigued by the echoes within it, the way the piece repeats but doesn't repeat, if that makes sense?

Great work!!

Lily^^

[created2write]

This is deep and raw and I like the voice that speaks the experiences that can be a harsh reality. Nice OM. V

[True~Reflection]

This was a pretty personal piece for me. And though I don't generally care for commenting on my own pieces, I'd just like to say that I keep coming back to read these comments. My friends, your words always encourage me and give me strength just when I need it. And I just wanted to acknowledge that. <3

[Loki'sMischief]

Wow. I always look forward to reading anything by you. This was oddly catchy. The dark imagery works really well in contrast with the pleasant flow of the piece. The combination ended up sounding, in my head at least, like an old nursery rhyme would. You did such a great job with the repetition, it works nicely with that amalgam. What I took from this was identity. When we are not entirely pleased with who we are, and the way we change over time, it can feel like we are disconnected, or incomplete. I might be wrong in my interpretation but this line,

"I took the journey and my
Heart took to stone."

As well as the narrator repeating the instruction of, "Bury my body and me" left me imagining someone who has suffered so much that they feel no connection to the world of the living, already dead, and maybe even a courtesy to those who would be burying them, to not have to endure what they feel places a burden on the people who care for them.

This is a great piece. It leaves a lot of room for thought, and definitely elicits a lot of emotion.

[ladymaybebaby]

Ashe,

You are one of my fave writers on this site. From title to end, I was in awe of this piece. You took hold of such a difficult and personal subject and you handled it with grace and a delicate maturity one does not often see when reading pieces like these. I think it took so much courage to pen your emotions in such a controlled and in the most respectful way, I say hauntingly beautiful. You and I have had a conversation or two about death, and how we spoke of that line ' death is more beautiful'.... My thoughts are always with you and if anyone knows tragedy from death, I'm your girl. If you want to talk or anything, I'm here!

-R
xoxo

[platinummoon]

'And say goodbye
To the flesh of my cage'

A well deserved spotlight. Love the above choice of words.

[allmirth]

As others have mentioned, the lyrical, song quality of the piece has a compellingly serene quality. Congratulations on a well deserved Spotlight.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy

[ladymaybebaby]

Congratulations on the spotlight for this piece! It is so well deserved. Stunning work here...


-R
xoxo

[inflames]

What a lovely piece. I really love the title- it's quite an amazing little hook into the poem. Awesome stuff. Congrats on your spotlight!

[dornicks]

I'm with the majority on this piece,a memorable write. I also feel a tune would compliment it. Congratulations on the Spotlight,

dornicks

[rupertpupkin]

Well deserved spotlight,really enjoyed this poem,well done and congrats.

[Dew]

My mind was alerted throughout to the cohesiveness of the message...no gaps, no pauses, no gearshifting...just one flowing thought. And the gentle touches of rhythm and rhyme...so delicate and tender. Made this truly a gem of a well deserved spotlight! Magnificent!!!!!

[musie]

Ashe~The imagery in this is indeed sad, with the sense of an emotional tragedy for the speaker, it seems' not being aware of who they really are, or wishing they had been someone other than what they were...I too like the lyrical quality of this well written piece...Congratulation's on the Spotlight! Most deserving I would say....Musie

[tangerinepie]

Breath stealing poem that reaches the limits of melancholy..Beautiful spotlight choice..Tangie..

[candlewitch]

hello,

This poem struck a chord in me. Especially these lines:

Place a rose upon my grave,
And say goodbye to the flesh
Of my cage,
That I always hated,
But never could change.

(the flesh of my cage!) is an excellent line...wish I'd have said it ;)
always, Cat
congrats!

[everhopeful]

A pleasure to revisit this one in the most appropriate board for it to shine. Again I feel compelled to express admiration for how you've written on a difficult theme with such eloquence and poetic control, using some lovely imagery within a more sombre setting.
Excellent poetry, congratulations on the spotlight!

[Josie]

This poem reminded me of "I Did It My Way". The N lived his life openly enough with people to expect that they would be there to remember him. He is buried and has a grave stone, that he might have made arrangement to have, but he fully thinks that someone will be there to put a rose on his grave and sing to him. He says that he embraced the stars and he embraced the night, yet he never loved. He gives permission for others to say goodbye to his remains, and he feels awfully good about himself because he feels right about where he is. I enjoyed the lyrical message and congratulate your poem's spotlight recognition.