unborn

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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rayofsun214
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unborn

Post by rayofsun214 » May 18th, 2012, 10:59 pm

In that bed where you were born,
_______I hardly knew you.
I cradled your head in the crook of my arm and
_______Whispered the secrets of life into your ear.
__________Small conchae like a highway to your wavering spirit.
Is it birth if you never breathed that small room’s stifling air?
_______We wailed and moaned and a mother was left spent
__________And floating in her afterbirth; floating in your sea of unrequited cries;
_____________Silent and cooling, like you in your swaddling blankets.
On the beach where we let you go, you washed up your ear;
_______I whispered my secrets into that conch, whispers spiraling dextral.
__________I hardly knew you that day, save that soft whirl and fleshy lobe.


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The Ruiner
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Re: unborn

Post by The Ruiner » May 19th, 2012, 1:33 am

Wow. This is painfully beautiful. It's an amazing piece.



ladylilith
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Re: unborn

Post by ladylilith » May 19th, 2012, 3:47 pm

Painfully tragic.. Im at a lost for words.. A real heart-wrenching write.. Just.. Wow. (I'm very rarely made speechless..)

Lily^^


"The night is dark and full of terrors."

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Jahaliel
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Re: unborn

Post by Jahaliel » May 20th, 2012, 6:24 am

Such a pain, such a terrible terrible loss. There's such a vividness to your words that really reaches in and touches the readers heart. Thankyou for sharing this.


3 replies for every post

I loved you then, I love you still though we are shadows of our former glory
Though they try to kill us off, we are a never-ending story


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flux
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Re: unborn

Post by flux » May 20th, 2012, 3:09 pm

This is real poetry, for sure. This has a heart and a soul, it is inspired by deep and true feeling which is skillfully expressed. Greatly admired this.


Make fellow poets happy and comment on their poems.



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Sasha
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Re: unborn

Post by Sasha » May 20th, 2012, 4:08 pm

Oh my!! Such an effective sorrowful piece yet brilliantly dilevered to tug the reader's heart in such a great way.
Great Work and Congrats on the deserved Spotlight!

Sasha



Whiskurz
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Re: unborn

Post by Whiskurz » May 20th, 2012, 7:41 pm

Wow indeed......Great piece.....Congrats on the spotlight.....Whisk



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Thank you for your comments!


ladymaybebaby
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Re: unborn

Post by ladymaybebaby » May 20th, 2012, 7:46 pm

Beautiful use of metaphors in a most striking piece! Congrats on the spotlight. Another wonderful choice!
-LMB xoxo


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Dew and I want you in our posse! Just PM us!


My latest poem: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42651

Dew
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Re: unborn

Post by Dew » May 20th, 2012, 8:34 pm

A touching and painful account of something so common, but so impossibly difficult. So many questions after...finding peace in sorrow is a honor to memory. Every loss, however small, is infinity to us. Beautiful write...Dew



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Rosella
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Re: unborn

Post by Rosella » May 21st, 2012, 7:27 am

I was stunned, but, this is incredible piece, haunting, sad, and beautifully written. Incredible!



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songofmeadow
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Re: unborn

Post by songofmeadow » May 21st, 2012, 7:53 am

I read and marvelled at the poetic beauty that allows readers to share intimately this sad experience, humbled, meadow


Remember, 3 replies for every poem you post!!


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inflames
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Re: unborn

Post by inflames » May 21st, 2012, 2:43 pm

Ray, I've always been a fan of your poetry. This is a lovely piece. Congrats on your spotlight.


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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knpoet
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Re: unborn

Post by knpoet » May 21st, 2012, 3:24 pm

This was just so incredibly sad, you managed to convey such an acute sense of loss and of grief and of love in relatively few, well chosen words. This kind of intense poetry comes from deep within the heart, where the pain lives.
Congratulations on the spotlight, this certainly is deserving of the spot!
Kathy


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karrie
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Re: unborn

Post by karrie » May 22nd, 2012, 3:44 am

This left me speechless! Congrats on the spotlight!



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SirDaniel
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Re: unborn

Post by SirDaniel » May 22nd, 2012, 5:32 am

such sadness.. a life that could have been but destiny has chosen to pass by.. your poem shows both love and pain. enjoyed the read and congratulations on the spotlight.

~ Daniel



musie
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Re: unborn

Post by musie » May 22nd, 2012, 3:39 pm

So tenderly written in that it just reaches in and rips the reader's heart out..the imagery in this ode to the lost little one is brilliant....A great piece from your pen...and a painful read, but Congrat's on the Spotlight...most deserved....Musie


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playerfrost
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Re: unborn

Post by playerfrost » May 22nd, 2012, 5:29 pm

very sad...., makes you think about the little things and moments in life.



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newlight
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Re: unborn

Post by newlight » May 23rd, 2012, 10:58 am

heartbreaking...truly heartbreaking xxemma



ladylilith
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Re: unborn

Post by ladylilith » May 24th, 2012, 3:29 pm

I am SO glad this got spotlighted. It's such a wrenching read, I was affected all over again. Seriously superior work, very much deserving its time to shine!!

Lily^^


"The night is dark and full of terrors."

rayofsun214
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Re: unborn

Post by rayofsun214 » May 24th, 2012, 4:30 pm

I humbly thank all who read and commented on this piece, which is a piece of my heart and my history.

And I am truly honored and happy that it was chosen for the spotlight, thank you.

rae


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