School Hallways

[MBW]

See the newest shark-eyed one
Floating through the hallway's blue
Waking life a passing blur
Half asleep and half detached
As baby ducklings dive headlong
Like water off the waterfalls
From their nests in hollowed trees
While foxes watch and seagulls stalk
And mum and dad stroll over hills
At the shore of the sea and the lip of the land
Keep in mind a placid pond
That, by and by, by earth or sky,
They'll reach before they die
Whether the stragglers survive

[ladylilith]

I really enjoyed the imagery here. An interesting and, indeed, truthful representation of 'school hallways'. I think I was most taken by the perspective you chose, rather than the more expected 'RAWR IT'S A JUNGLE', this has a gentler feel, and highlights the point perfectly.

Great work!

Lily^^

[3M2R]

This was very interesting. I really love how things are being described. The ending was apt and on the point. It sounds kind of sweet at the start, the details were very well taken care of -- but that also gave rise to a sense of isolation and loneliness. Maybe it is just me, for I only pay such fine attention to my surroundings if there isn't anything else to distract me. 'They'll reach before they die/ whether the stragglers survive' -- this line really reminds me of reality... something I feel strongly for -- how the world moves ahead regardless. Either you hold on with all your effort or die unseen, unheard, and unremembered.

Thanks for sharing such a sentimental piece in such a composed manner,
evidence of an intricate mind,
Dreamer

[Chelle]

I couldn't help but flash to the movie Mean Girls where she compares school to African wildlife. It's very true though that there are all kinds with everyone competing against each other.

[Josie]

I enjoyed the tension created by the lines:
While foxes watch and seagulls stalk
And mum and dad stroll over hills
at the shore of the sea and the lip of the land

The innocence of childhood is captured for me in the lines:
Waking life a passing blur
Half asleep and half detached

Congratulations!

[Mr D]

Great piece of rhyme n rhythm I m glad I found later than never.....flows so well to contrasting imagery and the middle point as well!
Cool to read ya again
Cheers