In the Face of Fate

[matches]

valkyries of fire
dancing,
wild orgiastic abandon,
within the swirling blackness.
Tenements of concrete and steel
offer no hope,
no promise of safety.

Five miles of water holds me hostage,
the bridge
as open as the sky unleashed.

Prayers once silent now burst out loud,
attitudes humbled
no longer haughty and proud.

slowly closes the eyes of this day,
I hear the crackling voice
of the radio say--,

"F4, forty miles out and closing---,"

[rootbeer]

First off very well written. If i'm reading into it correctly, this is a downed airplane pilot? Or just someone on a Aircraft Carrier. I think was really nicely written. It reminds me of a story a friend of my fathers told, about his account of being shot down over waters in Vietnam. He was a F-4 Phantom pilot.

Thanks for the great read..

[ladylilith]

This is really compelling writing. I really enjoyed the poetic sound this has (yah, kind of a daft thing to say about a poem.. but I do mean it!) and I thought it had a real resonance to the words too. Great, great Open Mic work!!

Lily^^

[matches]

Hey rootbeer,

I really appreciate the read and the review. Vietnam--, wow haven't heard that name in a while especially in the context which you used it. First off, my very best and my thanks to your dad and his service.
And 'B' this has nothing to do with that era or scenario.
This has to do with a time I was stranded on the West bound I-10 corridor with an f-4 tornado behind me and the Mississippi river in front of me and the draw bridge was 'up'.

ladylilith,

Well--, there is 'daft' and then there's "DAFT!!!!"
But I understand what I believe you were reaching for and I thank you for your read and acknowledgement of my work.


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[bekah22]

The last line was surprising to me... but it brought the whole thing together. awesome!

[matches]

bekah22,

Thank you for reading my work, I really appreciate it.


until...

[dornicks]

You've convinced me there were better places to be that day. Your words gave me an idea of what that situation is like. Thank you for sharing this,

dornicks

[matches]

Hey dornicks,

If it wasn't for these cajun folks and their beat up station wagon I don't know for sure but its a good bet I wouldn't be writing on this site today.
Thanks for reading my work and for the comment.


until...

[matches]

Hey!!! Red Dragon,
Whats up brutha man!!!
Thanks for the read and comment.
Yeah, I was kinda glad I made it to--, by that time I had quite an affection for breathing.
Man where you keep coming up wit all these cool names. I'm going hafta get you ta come up with one of them cool psuedonyms for me.


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[created2write]

Merry, merry my brother, how's it going?

This was a great OM. The rhythm translated the tenseness of the situation well and one can almost see the darkened sky behind you. Sharing your response to the predicament added a personal flavor. I like this a lot. Until...

[matches]

"How's it going?"
I could with mere words never be able to truly convey how much better I am,
since knowing you've been here and have enjoyed my work.

Within, you cause me to smile from horizon to horizon
and from without, you cause to smile large enough to swallow a banana sideways.

It is good to know you still stop in.
Thank you for still reading my work and for the comments as well.

Merry Christmas my sista,


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[everhopeful]

The opening stanza is one to envy from the perspective of a writer, but also make me glad I wasn't stood in your shoes too! Isolating those lines alone made me think it was like a glimpse into hell - from seeing your reply, I see might be close to the truth, because you also mention prayer later in the poem. Even the most stoic of us might say a few prayers when faced with such a vision.
This is classy OM, putting the reader in the speaker's shoes for an uncomfortable moment and making us say the amen for coming out the other side.
Good to read you again, it's been too long.

[matches]

Hey Mick,

This is actually the second time in my life I had been in the same situation. The first time didn't scare me as much because I was only five and my Dad was next to me, plus I hadn't fully come to enjoy breathing on this side of the dirt. Look how much 20 years can change a person's attitude... I thank GOD for those Cajun peoples that helped me out that day.
I thank you for your read and for your comments.


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[created2write]

Tried to message you but it kicked back. Said your private message was disabled. Peace

[matches]

Hey C2W,

Please re-submit I think I've worked out the kinks...



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[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

Ok matches it has been awhile. A little ticked off here. I wrote a response to you this morning that took over an hour to write and my computer froze as I was getting ready to post it.

Well written poem considering that this is second hand account written in third party tense. Really enjoyed the descriptive language. Some of this feels like you were there yourself and I actually felt after reading this that I was experiencing this happening myself. That is an impressive feat matches.

So I applaud your father's brave service and thank him rightfully so. My father also served in the Vietnam conflict and served in the United States Army for two years back in the mid 1960s during his enlistment. He was a electrician, a mechanic and a gunner on board a helicopter. He was grazed in the head with a bullet in combat one night and thank goodness he had a helmet on or he might not be among the living anymore. He received a purple heart amongst other ribbons that he was awarded. I couldn't sell it if I wanted to so what is the point of receiving a ribbon because they are worthless accept to the recipient in most cases. Thieves steal these things all the time and no one will buy e because it is illegal to sell a military ribbon in the United States... So what am I supposed to do with my dad's purple heart when I die. Even if you pass it down from generation to generation after several generations it holds no value to a family member who has no connection to an award that is worthless unless you are a somebody in the world.

I was in the United States Army for one year from September 1990 till August 1991. BUT,.. I got kicked out of the service with a general discharge after one year of service. I got drunk one night as a minor and someone on guard duty who didn't like me reported me as a suicidal Soldier which the Army took very seriously. The guy on guard duty said I was trying to jump out the second story window when all I was trying to do was throw up out the window. The bathroom was less then 20 feet away to walk to but I was to drunk to realize this to walk to the bathroom and vomit in the toilet. Well I walked into bathroom anyway teed off and vomited in the sink LOL... if you think about that it is funny. Because they hauled me off to a psych ward an hour later and some chump had to clean up my birthday gift I let em. And, the person who cleaned up the mess didn't even know who left him that nice gift in the morning to clean up.

When I was in Basic Training I almost got kicked out for not being military standard issue LOL, but it turned out that the rifle they issued to me was a piece of junk. The Drill Instrucor calibrated the rifle for himself and couldn't hit a lick either. He laughed at me and said stupid private what the hell did you do to your standard issue weapon Soldier. He said something like you are a dumb private and I don't want to be near you in combat because you sure are one ate up idiot to not be able to keep your weapon from getting malfunctioned and he laughed or giggled. So I got a new rifle the next time I want to the range and I hit 40 out of 40 targets. Of course the Drill Instructors laughed at me and marked me as only hitting just 23 targets with is barely passing. I discovered the reason why Soldiers fire quick bursts of several rounds of ammo facing the body of the target instead of aiming the rifle at someone and popping off one or two quick shots. This is because of two main reasons. One the Soldier has a hard time keeping the weapon in optimal firing condition or serviceable at all times and two you often receive standard issue that other idiots didn't take care of either keeping or bearing in mind that we are just a recycled number LOL... Plus, if you damage your rifle or as they call it your M-16 rifle you are responsible for the pay to repair such weapon.

I did well in MOS school training but got discharged for drunken disorderly conduct unfit and unbecoming a Soldier. I got a general discharge luckily. And, if I wanted to stay in the service I would have been demoted from E-2 back to E-1 and had to do a few months in the Stock-cade - Only being promoted two months prior before I left the service. During my training I did rather well in subsequently. I passed combat medic and pharmacy tech schooling with flying colors. But, it still wouldn't help me get a job outside in the real world. Now these training programs are longer and can help you get a job in the civilian world because the certificates have actual merit these days in the civilian world and these certificates of completion of military classes use to be a useful as toilet paper is to wipe your behind.

victor

[matches]

Hey victor,

I'm glad you enjoyed the work.
Yeah, I was there. Standing on the east side of the Mississippi River with the bridge in its upright position with no place to go and no shelter from the storm. I tell you what, it gets your heart pumping when you are outside when weather like that jumps off.
As for the service, my father never served. I myself did four months at Fort Knox Kentucky from the fall of 71 to late winter 72.
I had a bit of a problem qualifying with my M16A1 until I saw in my head just how I was suppose to using those iron peep sights. Once I got that battle sight zero, I out shot everyone in Echo 15-4 with the exception of a 3 stripe Sargent Welch. Never saw actual battle in the Army.
In basic training we were lined up waiting for our turn to line up for evening chow. When our Drill Instructor released us from formation we have to go running down the length of our Company Building screaming and hollering--, all gunho right. Then down the backside of our Company Building to get in the chow line. Well there happen to be a Full Bird Colonel with his Major and our C.O. standing in the middle of our sidewalk and chewing on one of the recruits for some dumb crap.
I caught the Full Bird full on as he turned from the recruit he was chewing on, ran this boy right down. Spent the rest of the day doing push ups and duck walking around the Battalion P.T. field 1.2 mile around this damn thing. Spent that weekend with ice packs on my thighs and micro tears in both rotator cuffs .
I was extremely disappointed when Basic was over and my orders came down, sending me to clerk school because I was color blind red/green. Those are combat colors and even thoug I could outshoot everyone in my company I couldn't qualify for the infantry or sniper school or any combat MOS, the only thing I could qualify for was cook and clerk. So with a referral from a Lt. Bird and my A.I.T Company C.O. I went down and talked to JAG and they got me out of the Army and sent me home.
In any case, I'm glad ya liked my work.


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[devious83]

Cool poem man, You should have done [ center][/center ] and it would like like a tornado of text. ;)

s----- must have been scary to experience eh?

Thank you.

[Rainman]

I liked the Wagner reference.
Real Gotterdammerung stuff!
Great read, it placed us right there in the storm.

[matches]

Hey devious83,

Don't know what it is that you are referring to with the brackets and all--, yea I'm one of those point and click type users.
Scary experience? Yeah it was something you really, really, really don't want to go through without sufficient shelter.
Thanks for reading my work.


Rainman,
Wagner--, "kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit..."
I always loved that cartoon.
We used to get wrecked and watch cartoons with the sound down and classical music blasting, then we would make up our own dialog.
Anyway, thanks for reading my work I really appreciate it man.


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