Us (Baywriter and ApocalypticJay)

[Baywriter]

He and I started this around this time last year, and I was unable to finish it, so it's been sitting here on my computer untouched. It took me a year, but now I finally figured out what to say, and I wish he could read it.

Us

What liquid would dither?
Spilt with everlasting remorse;
like a child’s medicine leaked
into the arms of our future,
a future bruised. Brandished.
What fire would smolder?
Scar the bark grey and invisible,
old wisps of life like arthritic fingers
the child ghost riddled with wood
and bones only bones understood.

[dwells]

Almost got it but not quite, and so I won't guess except to say a sadly personal piece that speaks to either a relationship, or a child, or maybe both. Nevertheless the reader becomes an active ingredient in the final interpretive analysis, and can absorb at will (or not), and that is always something worthy. Cheers!

[Sasha]

This took me a while to group my words, I read it couple of times, and got the same overwhelming heavy feeling inside each time. I bet this has a wide range for interpretations, but all, I guess, will lead to a very poignant conclusion, like everything is going to fade eventually, even if we try to fix it in present, avoid mistakes in future, but all is gone. The reference of ‘child’ here is subtle and its symbolism is heartbreaking, with the sense of loss is overwhelming. We’re born with bones, bones live inside, and what remains of when we die but bones?
Heavy, beautiful piece of poetry.
Thank you so much for sharing.

Sash

[everhopeful]

Sadly this might be one of my worst comments, especially since it's for two of my favourite writers in my time at TPS, but this was a really hard read. Admittedly part of what makes it so hard is a factor outside of the walls of the poem.
For me it feels like a wary resignation to actions becoming imprinted on the life of the speaker/s, as though experiences and events leave a mark which may never truly heal and can never be explained to those who haven't suffered the same fate.
Wish I could be more expansive on this one, although needless to say I deeply admire the quality of the work.

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

This is very sad and speaks about the resignation of life a contact or something along those lines in a dreary way. This is well-written, compact, and universally conformed in a such a way that while the writers of the write believe in all hope it appears to have failed them this hope in such instance. With a heavy heart this is such a beautiful amiable work bayleigh. enjoyed nevertheless...


victor

[ladylilith]

Almost.. almost.. It's like standing in mist when you feel like you can grab it with your hands but you can't.

I won't lie, seeing the co-title hit me in the gut like I'd been punched. But I think something like this NEEDS to be finished, you know?

I think I'll have to come back (and make sure I do!) because I just can't formulate the right words at the moment. I just want you to know how important it is to me that you completed this. It gave him back to me, us, for a minute. x

[flux]

Co-writes are difficult things, like trying to merge separate languages, but I thought you conveyed a particular sense of loss here, you used the right word, 'remorse' it was the line about spilt medicine that clarified the poem for me. A fire gone out, smoke compared to crippled fingers, medicine that could save, wasted, together they create a feeling that people can be fools, at times, and they allow much to go to waste.

[Dew]

Losses are not forgotten...glad this was lingering up in the backlog to share finally...how neat that he left a way to leave one more post...hope it is shared with his family too...

[songofmeadow]

I read this first in co writes, and felt profoundly touched both by the background creation and subsequent completion and the poignant note that it left with me, mx

[dornicks]

Though on the heavy side for me, I felt the wording. It reads well also. Congratulations on the Spotlight,

dornicks

[Sasha]

I've already said how much I appreciate this wonderful piece of poetry- one to read many times.
Congratulations on the Spotlight!

Sash

[bumblebee]

i can't find words for this one.. just know that you have my respects. xx