Brown Mouse, sonnet

[songofmeadow]

Because one waits for love I choose the chair
positioned by a white-wood bedroom sash,
first turfing out the feline sleeping there,
who favours me (with cutlass claws) a slash
that slits the skin and leaves its beaded blood
to ponder on. Seems love and pain and hate
are interchangeable. I feel a flood
of venomous affection as I wait
for what will be. The cat returns with love
alive and squirming, clenched between sharp teeth
then gifts me with this morsel which I shove
ungratefully away. It limps beneath
the chair where I conclude that love will lie,
relive reductions of itself, then die.

[Dew]

The last line was just brilliant...this poem was genius, both for the self-observant way the author reveals a thought and an event...and for the universality of the metaphor...how many relationships are like that? Dying by degrees in all those small interactions involving unwary wounds and unwelcome apologies? Certainly, one of the very best sonnets I've ever read. Jealous! - dew

[Rainman]

Stunning, high-definition piece, ruthlessly candid, and beautiful in composition.
This sonnet is quite something.
It shocked me totally awake.
Most excellent work, song.........

[everhopeful]

*sigh* sometimes you just excel so much with your poetry I don't know what else to do other than sigh in a mixture of envy, admiration and amazement.
The opening sentence of this is superb, I'm not sure if you consciously decided it had to be one single sentence to have the necessary impact or if it was just a product of the writing process (because there's no such thing as accidents!), but wow, it set up the theme perfectly. The contrast to the much shorter second sentence, presenting us with our first conclusion, is obviously about a whole lot more than an irritable feline, and I love seeing how one experience can feel like a summation for other aspects of life.
The speaker's reaction upon feeling that 'venomous affection' (love that, by the way) again emphasises one experience being relived through another, more innocent, one. Then the 'gift' itself, as well meaning as any gift and, sadly, as useless as some can be, especially those in the name of love.
*sigh* again, poetess :)

[Eggy]

Hi Fellow 'sonneteer'
A marvellous piece, Technically unflawed and with a strain of wry humour that makes it a pleasure to read.

A sonnet that is not about lost love, disaster, doom and gloom etc.

Madam, I salute you

The respectful Egg.

[flux]

Hi, I love the delicacy of this, you write about powerful truths in a quiet way, reflecting on the violence often inherent in love and the fate of most loves. This poem does not boast or strut, it has a softness, a silky quality that slides into the soul.

[Sasha]

Ah, I intended to comment on this last year, heh, but that gave me extra time to read it many times and just to love more and more each time.
I so, so like the concept of this sonnet, it's so real, like it was taken out from heart of reality, a bitter and sweet reality, and I like how you embodied it in cat/mouse relationship, and the striking paradox you created there, yeah, your focus of contradiction here was brilliant, and even the way you made the read feel like seamless narrative is outstanding, I mean it's a sonnet for crying out loud! You're brilliant!
Chapeau bas!

Sash

[tangerinepie]

Imaginative with many facets of interest.The underlying hints of anger, yet in many ways an ordinary event made extraordinary..A great read..TY Tangie..

[JASON]

had to smile at the introduction of love - 'alive and squirming,clenched between sharp teeth'
lovely work as always and most deserving of the spotlight.

[dornicks]

An excellent and all too true piece you have written,deserving of the Spotlight. Enjoyed enormously.

dornicks

[dwells]

Hard to sort out the you from the mouse here SoM, but then that's just the point I'd guess. Fantastic extended metaphor (or is it a simile?) - either way I read it several times and keep going deeper with each read. Wonderfully executed sonnet for oneself maybe, cheers!

[Josie]

Congrats on your sonnet being selected for the TPS Spotlight. I shudder remembering all the gifts our cat would present to us. I remember how pleased the cat was in its gift giving moments. It was a well chosen metaphor for your N's relationship.

[everhopeful]

Re-reading this one was an absolute pleasure, I realise I picked it apart a bit the first time around, so I won't do the same again, but I have to pick out that second sentence again - "Seems love and pain and hate / are interchangeable." - it was the positioning of it in relation to the other aspects of the narrative, as well as the weight lent to it by the longer proceeding sentence, which really made it pop for me, it was a pivot (but not the volta!) of your work. However it was surrounded by brilliance, the whole poem was so beautifully constructed.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[rupertpupkin]

A flawless, inventive, original and captivating piece. Well done on the most deserving spotlight, Sean.

[Philip16]

There is a beautiful, poignant aroma of acceptance that I see throughout this piece.
Accepting that love and pain and hate are interchangeable (inseparable?) and waiting
for what will be. I felt very quiet at the end of the poem as I let the truth shine on my
own life. Really wonderful work.
Philip16