Peacock Pride

[sleepingsun1]

I knew it would happen.
My house must look like a mansion to you
A place infested with peacocks and pride
Feathers ruffled up, regardless of the weather
Prideful and gay.

Will that be as I seem to you now?
A delicacy perhaps I was, but in that extortionate
Country pub, you told me my legs looked nice
I dressed well, my hair was good this way,
For a darkling night, you captured me.

In silence, your foot clasps to my ankle
Our layers are torn off, I want a council
Estate house in Sunderland, you want
My pride filled fortune, we want
An ending together, with each other, within the other.

You had it. It was not a rebirth
But necessary, and for a moment you try
To steal a feather away from my peacocks
Carry it home to clash with drear suburbia
Colour to excite eyes that have merely seen grey.

We have each other because we’re bitter.
You caress me for the hurt you’ve had
In a foolhardy relationship, I have you to realise
I am better than my lover, everything he desires
I can have.

For this is an exotic time. Beauty is not
A Platonic form, but found in the streets of Sunderland,
I’ve had a boy hunted like the last phoenix. But once
I stood apart from the pack as a peacock
These silver feathers ruffling merely in reaction
Now ripped down, after so long
This affair has seized my pride.

[ladylilith]

Wow! This is some slick poetry. I knew I was in for a treat in clicking on you, but this really held me rapt. An articulate piece, and you see it all the way through with an effective metaphor and set of images. The conceit, the motif, it all had so much ground to work with that it didn't become stagnant or boring. Electric story-telling here too, my imagination was truly alive while reading this. And I respect you for portraying a very real relationship. There's motives for both sides, there's reasons that might not be too pretty or noble, but isn't this at the heart of the science of every kind of human relationship?

I liked the place references too. Just a great write, through and through.

Lily^^

[ladymaybebaby]

Wow! One hellova great piece of poetry and and a touch act to follow when it comes critiquting a poem. I feel like all of the great words have been said and I am the unly step sitster trying to but off with a five pound deal deal. I've actually studied a book called how not to to have to follow Lily in the commenting department. J/K! It's not never easy to do! Her words of wisdom show up everywhere with just the right amount of praise, perfect balance between humor and audio senses and I find myself laggind a bit in the rain behind her. I'm left to wonder what it is she does so perfectly that keeps her a notch above the rest of us? I do love the title of this one so very much, leaving it to us readers to decide what we think about ladylilith. Very cool work, and as far as an ode goes, she is wearing too many hats to pin her down an label her just one thing. things these days! A beautiful poem on a beautiful subject.

-LMB
xoxo

[everhopeful]

I'm from North of the Tyne, so I'm not as keen on the place references as Lily ;) lol
Even taken literally this is an engaging and enjoyable piece, without taking anything away from the sadness element, and seeing it as something more symbolic than simply where the two people are from, but more a case of who they are because of their origins and where they're at now, makes this feel like love across the barricades. The speaker's willingness to trade in their refined lifestyle for something less glamorous says a lot about their feelings, and even their partner's desire to taste that mansion living doesn't feel grasping or greedy.
The core sadness content seems to be saved until the very end, and was delivered like a knockout blow.
Excellent work.

[jwesley]

I'm not as well versed in words like those above this comment - - - I wish I was so I could say all the things they do about a piece, but it's kind of like real life , I can't converse well there, either, much to my everlasting chagrin. So suffice it to say I thought this piece - awesome, and from me that's a world of speak.

jimmy

[dornicks]

Nor am I as well versed as jwesley. This was a well constructed piece.laden with feelings. You go from strenght to strength-, for a Geordie! Thank you for sharing this,

dornicks

[Dew]

Well deserved spotlight! Really enjoyed the insight into human nature and the careful weave with personal experience...something private and something universal, all threaded together! Wonderful! Congrats! - dew

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

I am glad this piece got the recognition it did and received a spotlight to because I certainly missed a treat when this piece was first posted. The narrator of this piece certainly takes the reading audience on a colorful journey that is a spellbinding trip into the world of the author's world according to how it was. On that note this write is certainly expressive on what transpires in some relationships. This is so beautiful and creative imaged laced throughout with the theme metaphor of peacock pride brilliantly and very effectively used in this amazing piece. Exalt as if ever. Thank you for sharing and really really enjoyed and that is and understatement my poet friend! I just hope you return to the forum to see the praise your piece of poetry has received. Now I will reread this piece a third time. Definitely a well deserved spotlight if any piece ever deserved such a showcase.

victor

[tangerinepie]

I was totally captivated, held my breath for this read.It took me to places I want to go.The impact of such fine writing leaves me almost speechless.Superb spotlight choice..Tangie..

[candlewitch]

For this is an exotic time. Beauty is not
A Platonic form, but found in the streets of Sunderland,
I’ve had a boy hunted like the last phoenix. But once
I stood apart from the pack as a peacock
These silver feathers ruffling merely in reaction
Now ripped down, after so long
This affair has seized my pride.

a completely riveting read! I enjoyed it greatly and savored the sorrow. Congratulations on the spotlight!

always, Cat

[dornicks]

I recall this piece and am pleased it is now where it deserves to be. Congratulations,

dornicks

[jwesley]

Yeah. Like Dornicks said . . . Me Too!

j.

[inflames]

A really well deserved spotlight! This is very cool and worded well. Thanks for sharing this piece.

[SirFleshwound]

What a remarkable skill you possess. This drips and oozes passion, angst and effortless talent. A golden spotlight. Michael.

[jsol]

I savored every word. An excellent poem. What really grabbed me is the urge toward liberation against the forces that will inevitably weigh on one like so many concealed things.

[Baywriter]

I remember reading this one quite a few times, and I can't believe I didn't leave a comment. I'm a fan of your work on this time. You have a natural sense of language and using it to create images, but you also have a knack for using those images to create a deeper meaning, and that's what I really love about this. Congrats on the spotlight!

Bay