Whirling Dervishes

[Balustrade]

As ebony draped in satin hush over my once-seeing olive eyes,
Whirling dervishes of black whipped and lashed their way to my brain:
Gnomes and goblins of doubt clad in poisoned insinuations;
Ghouls and imps of suspicion naked but for their spears of evil.
They danced the django inside my vestibular womb of thoughts.
And suddenly it started to rain.

I ran for shelter, helter-skelter, under the umbrella of my faith in you.
They followed in hot pursuit, invigorated sperms with intent to impregnate.
They sprayed a fine patina of smut over my retina of sense and sensibility;
Laminated my pride in prejudice, much like a smokescreen engulfs its own shadow.
They danced the django inside my vestibular tomb of thoughts.
And suddenly the rain stopped.

My jaw truned slack and duly dropped.

My incertitude flapped and flimsily flopped:

You had betrayed me, you lousy strumpet!
You overrode my rusted trumpet!
You flourished like a blackcurrant crumpet-
Of that I was clear in my pulsating head.

Too clear to realize I was misled-
For how could you have courted him in bed
When you’d been long gone..
Decomposed and dead, dead, dead?

[dwells]

Haven't heard of an imp in a while and this was magnificent B! The surprise ending devoted to a succubus apparently, something from the dream world. Your wordplay off of some famous and fragmented lines was exquisite too. And the stage setting and build-up was rich with imagery and tension. A fine piece to ponder, cheers!

[everhopeful]

Welcome to TPS!
As a side-note, it's always heartening to see a new member who makes a big effort to comment other users above the 3:1 ratio like you have, so kudos on that!
There's a really interesting mix of diction and approach to this poem. The opening half, seemingly split into two sets of six symmetrical lines, displays an impressive command of language which has a very precise descriptive slant. The switch in the latter half to a more punchy rhythmic style seems to mark the exclamation of the speaker and a more direct sense of anger, with an intriguing twist in the ending too!
Hope you enjoy the site!

[Balustrade]

Life is one big military school. It is all about discipline and conforming to rules.
Many a time our logic gets blinded so we stop seeing things for the facts they are. We get all worked up for nothing.

[candlewitch]

hello Balustrade,

I loved the metaphors and language usage in this piece. The imagery is fantastic and leads up to a surprise ending! It is hard to chose favorite lines, but I must say I loved the quick pace of the conclusion:

My jaw truned slack and duly dropped.
My incertitude flapped and flimsily flopped:
You had betrayed me, you lousy strumpet!
You overrode my rusted trumpet!
You flourished like a blackcurrant crumpet-
Of that I was clear in my pulsating head.
Too clear to realize I was misled-
For how could you have courted him in bed
When you’d been long gone..
Decomposed and dead, dead, dead?

shame on me, I even got a chuckle out of those lines, but then, I have a twisted mind!

always, Cat (& eddy)

[Balustrade]

It is equally as funny as it is sad when logic gets blinded by dark rage and common sense gets swallowed whole by emotional outbursts.

[songofmeadow]

Gripping stuff, the transition in structure and enlightenment comes suddenly and works effectively as a consequence. Rich language use really drives this poem and leaves the reader reeling from the last thought, well done on the spotlight and a belated TPS welcome mx

[Balustrade]

It is flattering that this poem was chosen for the spotlight, and more so that it has been read and reviewed by many. I am very destabilized by black thoughts which tend to lodge inside wherther they have a measure of truth to them or not.

[rupertpupkin]

Hi. Really wonderful write and most deserving of a spotlight, well done, Sean.

[Balustrade]

I am hoping that through this site as well as the support of people like yourself that I can grow and offer what my soul can offer.

[everhopeful]

I'm glad to get the chance to read this again, as my second reading provided a chance to appreciate some of the sonic appeal. The sprinkling of alliteration in the opening two stanzas went a long way, especially with some excellent phrasing, and led us to the more lyrical, whimsical rhythm of the final two stanzas.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[Balustrade]

This ismuch appreciated - that someone would take time to read my work twice and comment twice. It must be that Darkness has some allure when it reflects a state of ingrained doubt that human beings suffer from.

[Baywriter]

The language in this poem is rich. It has an antiquated feel, but in a modern sort of way (if that makes any sense). Congrats on the well-deserved spotlight.

Bay

[Balustrade]

Whirling dervishes are cyclones of doubt and evil - relics from a past revisited, mainly because we have resurrected them.