wilting- flower in a vase [sonnet]

[JASON]

The reality is that you're losing lustre
despite every effort to maintain your shine
all the hope and courage you can muster
every ounce of strength that you can find.
Your fleeting beauty,your waning scent
an ominous outcome at best
no return for energy spent
and you still fail the test...

To the outward observer, a pleasant sight
a stunning floral display
unbeknown to them,your actual plight
fading,failing,dismay...

Silver thread severed from eternal womb
momentarily ensconced in a crystal tomb.

[Sasha]

This works as a wonderful metaphor of aging and endurance within that's hidden outside. Your pick of such elegant and vulnerable element as the flower was great, and the wording of fading process as well.
The couplet was wonderfully thought of!
Very much enjoyed reading this, thanks a lot for sharing!

Sash

[songofmeadow]

The clever construction of this allows the reader to interpret as they will, as an extended metaphor for a women aging both in her own perception and the perceived view of the onlooker in the deftly handled 'turn', (lustre/muster - great rhyme). Equally reading literally as a flower personified creates a thought provoking story of demise. Either way this is a very enjoyable read and as Sash commented, the couplet and last line particularly are superb! mx

[JASON]

very nice girls - thank you for the kind,uplifting words...
It just struck me that from the moment that flower is cut
regardless of how + what it tries,death is inevitable.
Much like how when we are all born,without salvation,we have a 1 way ticket.

[godsplat]

Outstanding sonnet poem Jason, I much enjoyed the read!

godsplat

[flux]

Striking imagery and very fine rhymes, I thought. The shorter lines and altered rhythm here and there made this more interesting for me. This feels like an instinctive write, one of those poems that seem to come from nowhere and surprise us.

[Dew]

Superb descriptions! I loved that end couplet...a sound closer! Congratulations on winning the Hidden Gem Award for The Forms!!!! - dew

[everhopeful]

The closing couplet really kills it with this one, it shifts the reader's view back to the original image without taking focus away from the idea of it being a great extended metaphor!

Congratulations on winning the Hidden Gem Award for Forms!

[gooseberry]

Many congratulations Jason on the hidden gem award!! An awesome piece and thoroughly deserved

[flux]

Very happy this won the hidden gem award. Thought this had a very natural sound and for that reason I voted for it.

[1freesoul]

A gem indeed, congrats also, written as to clearly envision the reader, a portrait in words, lines and form,

1freesoul

[tangerinepie]

Jason..This was so imaginative..the truism one we don't stop to think of that often.This topic can reference many things in life..and death a certainty that always lingers in our minds, be it a flower, or a loved one.Very nice work..Tangie..

[jainrohit]

Jason Jason Jason (emphasis intended) ...... This is really a masterful sonnet ........ It slowly makes you feel aged line by line ..... the scent , the lustre are all to go , but man and woman alike seem to be living in a self made reality where they tend to think that they shall be young forever.

Until and unless science progresses to reverse aging especially cellular aging , we cannot claim immunity from aging ......

The last couplet are final nail in the coffin for our youth .......

Reminded me of line from one of my earlier poems

LIfe is a time bomb ab initio
twixt life and death a braggadocio

[sparky21737]

I loved this poem, the images, the metaphor of ageing it was a true masterpiece. I normally don't read sonnets (mostly because I've never been able to figure them out and I thought they had to be about love...) but after reading your sonnet I have decieded to read some more. Thanks for sharing this poem

Sparky :)

[dwells]

Jason - I almost got a double vibe on this gem, in addition to the intended wilted flower metaphor, which was wonderfully wrought. Can't help but thinking, following the volta, that this spoke to another metaphor albeit a diamond in a mine maybe? Probably digging too deeply though (pun intended) - shine on and cheers!

[ramfire]

Getting old is not for the coward. Together with spouse one can make it through to the end.
ramfire

[jayn]

As I read this I thought I was reading about the fading youth of women. Metaphorically, this poem really appeals. Everything gets old. Perhaps we poets can see that beauty merely alters in appearance, and that it is only a perception, reinforced by social prejudice, that beauty is fading as the flower enters the full cycle of life.

[ramfire]

Is this a poem about a flower or some person you admire. I like the sorrow you seem to feel as the flower withers.

[jsol]

i'll chime in... love/d it! surely one my favorites of yours that i've chanced upon. i am in the process of actually spending some time working on poetry, instead of just "going with the flow in the moment of writing" etc etc etc.. and so am very glad to see you working with forms as well. surely if you feel like it pm me with some of what you've learned about sonnets, i'd love to hear your thoughts. super work and congratulations!

[BarryC]

simply awesome sonnet-well done