Almost there
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Almost there
The crows came back this winter,
damaged, and limping home in twos and threes.
Heavy birds.
Undertakers, and slow of foot now,
huddled, and weary as tilted stone.
They are grown old, these outcast children,
soon to lie unmourned and nettle-deep
in frowns of earth and twig.
Soon to rest, and lay the guilty weight
of human burdens down.
There is a cornfield in that yellow stare,
it waits beyond the turning season.
Blameless as the summer day.
damaged, and limping home in twos and threes.
Heavy birds.
Undertakers, and slow of foot now,
huddled, and weary as tilted stone.
They are grown old, these outcast children,
soon to lie unmourned and nettle-deep
in frowns of earth and twig.
Soon to rest, and lay the guilty weight
of human burdens down.
There is a cornfield in that yellow stare,
it waits beyond the turning season.
Blameless as the summer day.
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Re: Almost there
I love this. I've had a soft spot for crow imagery since reading Hughes' 'Crow' poems, but this is something altogether different, and engaging, and so so SO good for an Open Mic piece. It makes me want to do better. :)
Strong, compelling work. I'm going to come back to this.
Lily^^
Strong, compelling work. I'm going to come back to this.
Lily^^
"The night is dark and full of terrors."
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Re: Almost there
The last three line I love the feeling about them, def a poem I would like to read time and time again
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Re: Almost there
You have some really good lines to enhance the quality of this piece,from the first 'caw' to the last. An enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this,
dornicks
dornicks
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Re: Almost there
The imagery created line by line has me feeling the aches and pains
Of mortality
One to remember
Of mortality
One to remember
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Re: Almost there
what a class act,this was solid.
in frowns of earth and twig,in that yellow stare.
great descriptive,imaginative lines.
in frowns of earth and twig,in that yellow stare.
great descriptive,imaginative lines.
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Re: Almost there
I don't know why, but this takes my mind to the heart of a battlefield, with crows as soldiers coming back, drained from war that's soon to be revived some other time. There's some stellar metaphors and similes here, and even this shows a great usage of extended metaphor, and I'm a big fan of extended metaphor and especially when it's employed in a striking way, like this one.
Sash
Sash
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Re: Almost there
Crows get such a bbad rap. Whether were talkimg about real crows or soldiers, it was very well written.
- jim_moonan
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Re: Almost there
Nice poem!
Crows are the "everyman" of the bird kingdom, and so you are speaking for us, everyman, when you say,
"They are grown old, these outcast children,
soon to lie unmourned and nettle-deep
in frowns of earth and twig.
Soon to rest, and lay the guilty weight
of human burdens down."
Loved the sombre mood.I feel this mood often and find comfort in it.
Crows are the "everyman" of the bird kingdom, and so you are speaking for us, everyman, when you say,
"They are grown old, these outcast children,
soon to lie unmourned and nettle-deep
in frowns of earth and twig.
Soon to rest, and lay the guilty weight
of human burdens down."
Loved the sombre mood.I feel this mood often and find comfort in it.
"Poetry is the clear expression of mixed feelings." -W.H. Auden
"Good poetry begins with a lump in the throat."-Robert Frost
"Good poetry begins with a lump in the throat."-Robert Frost
- jim_moonan
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Re: Almost there
One more thing - Love the title.
"Poetry is the clear expression of mixed feelings." -W.H. Auden
"Good poetry begins with a lump in the throat."-Robert Frost
"Good poetry begins with a lump in the throat."-Robert Frost
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Re: Almost there
Congratulations on the Spotlight. I liked this on my first read and even more today,
dornicks
dornicks
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Re: Almost there
The harbingers of human misery perhaps personified. 'Young outcasts grown old and burdened, with that yellowed cornfield stare' that unapologetically awaits. More of a feeling here than a known outcome 'in frowns of earth and twig'. And that feeling is one of finality for a thankless task borne and lived. Congrats on the Spotlight RM and well-deserved!
- sparky21737
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Re: Almost there
Congrats on a well deserved spotlight. You have created some beautiful imagery here, thanks for sharing
Sparky
Sparky
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light ~ Albus Dumbledore
Sparky's Poetry
Sparky's Poetry
- Josie
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Re: Almost there
The mood was somber and resigned to the acceptance of mortality, but then there was the upturn in your final lines:
There is a cornfield in that yellow stare,
it waits beyond the turning season.
Blameless as the summer day.
Crows like cornfields and I can imagine crows would like a cornfield in their after life experience.
Thanks for sharing and congratulations.
There is a cornfield in that yellow stare,
it waits beyond the turning season.
Blameless as the summer day.
Crows like cornfields and I can imagine crows would like a cornfield in their after life experience.
Thanks for sharing and congratulations.
- jsol
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Re: Almost there
A really nice use of the traditional associations with crows here as a bringer of death, taking on a bitterly ironic twist as they slowly succumb to age and the impending reaper themselves. I think what is most impressive about this is how you don't force the issue, there's nothing pretty about this, just a grim irony and life's cycle in effect, with perhaps a nod of appreciation to the misunderstood who serve a place among society, whether it's the animal kingdom of the human one.
And it was OM too! Double kudos for that, and congratulations on the spotlight!
And it was OM too! Double kudos for that, and congratulations on the spotlight!
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Re: Almost there
Really loved the imagery in this. A very deserving spotlight for this wonderful poem, well done, Sean.
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Re: Almost there
I am reminded by your poem of how the ravages of time respect no man...or species.
I know a man who is "almost there" and he does look as "weary as tilted stone" and at
times has that "stare". I thank you for the last 3 lines. They kept me from being crushed!
Congrats on the Spotlight!
Philip16
I know a man who is "almost there" and he does look as "weary as tilted stone" and at
times has that "stare". I thank you for the last 3 lines. They kept me from being crushed!
Congrats on the Spotlight!
Philip16
Remember, in order to facilitate community development, comment on 3 poems for every one that you post.
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Re: Almost there
Immensely beautiful! I love the contrast between the "guilty weight of human burdens" and the blameless summer day!