Emergency Room

[Rainman]

So anyway, it's getting near the end of the shift and they wheel in this other guy, screaming like a banshee about his smashed up leg, and me with a headache already from the strip lights flickering all day. Turns out he's a holistic healer or something. Really, I'm serious, got an office with a beaded curtain and business cards and everything. You can buy a dreamcatcher on his website for $59.99 though they're mostly just red string with some chicken feathers glued on. Cuban woman living upstairs makes them, five dollars a pop. How does that work?
So anyway, trauma team start shouting orders, real feeding frenzy round the gurney......
"Cross-match two units of o-neg stat!"
"Get me a chem 10 and a portable chest!"
"We're losing him, people!"
......you know the kind of thing, like working in a kitchen with crazy french chefs, only the aprons are cheaper here, and the meat won't lie still. Meantime, in drifts Brightman, head of the trauma clinic. You could tell he wasn't right. Been grouchy as hell since they stopped people smoking on the roof two years ago. This was something else though, like he was having a really bad day.
So anyway, Brightman looks at the guy's chart and this look comes over his face, kind of calm, but too calm, you know what I mean? Like Crazy Jane up in psych that time, when the board made her take leave of absence. Tells the team to stand back and puts this rock on the guy's leg. Tells him it's a healing crystal and the pain's just an illusion."Try and visualize the bones mending."
Billed him $75,000 and had security throw him out. It was kind of magnificent.
Brightman took retirement soon after. They still talk about it.
Nurses said he was okay compared to some people they could mention, and collected for a gift. I threw in ten dollars and wrote in the card that I was sorry he was leaving.

[ladylilith]

Cool! This piece is so much fun. I love the narrative voice, the almost flippant style the way the story is told and it throws the reader right in there, starting in medias res, for sure, but also like maybe the conversation has already been going on before the reader gets there.

I enjoyed the read very much! It's a little kooky, and I like that about it.

Lily^^

[Baywriter]

I found your style very entertaining in this piece, and the story quite humorous (of course, that might be because I have a weird sense of humor). I liked the comparisons you drew within the piece to add depth to the characters and scene. It really worked, especially because this was such a short piece. Short, but it said all it needed to say. I don't know how people do that, so kudos to you. Nice job!

Bay

[Sasha]

You know, I really like how you tone things down, like when you did with the Olympian challenge, your entry and the story here, have the kinda same tone, this smooth and casual narrative - that's really slick!
I like as well the descriptions here, the settings, that type of characters, and how you related all of that together.
Enjoyable short story!

Sash

[metalsoft]

Cool retribution! I could see Clint Eastwood in his prime doing that very thing! Nice job of plunging us into the maelstrom that is ER work!

[tangerinepie]

Oh this was priceless, as I recounted some of my experiences as an ICCU nurse.Emergency Rooms are especially filled with freaky happenings, and one would think it all runs like clock work by robots who know what they are doing..LOL..Not..I really liked the quirky humor in this, and how it captures the imagination quickly and smoothly..Tangie..

[SongUnsung]

The conversational flow was really interesting and worked well. And the humor worked well too. Great write.

[rupertpupkin]

This is excellent. The language used is perfect, the tone and pace are wonderful too. I really loved the humour in this also. It leaves the reader waiting for a follow up episode. Great story telling. What I think makes it so good is that you seem to be so familiar with what you are talking about, which I think is the secret to good story writing, nice one, Sean.

[Rosella]

This is fun piece, actually I also into stories and just don't say. Like the humor here.

[songofmeadow]

Very droll rainman, I was hooked by the dreamcatcher but the story got even better. I love the voice of the narrator, it had an understated JDSallinger tone to me which suited the setting and the unpredictable Brightman mx

[JASON]

yes - it's good! the matter of fact way you go about spinning this yarn...
relatable and yet shocking - like 'fight club' I suppose - holding the reader's
attention right the way through.Commendable writing - well done.

[jamielou]

Wonder if that doctor is married? If not and I were younger I would like to meet him. Loved the humor in this piece.
Louise

[David Wayne]

great story and well written

Tells the team to stand back and puts this rock on the guy's leg. Tells him it's a healing crystal and the pain's just an illusion."Try and visualize the bones mending."

This is priceless, wish I'd been there!

David

[rupertpupkin]

Hey! This is still my favourite short on here so there's no way it's dropping off the page just yet.

[rupertpupkin]

Hi. Love to see a short story getting spotlighted
This is a gem of a little tale. Funny and bitterly sarcastic
Great piece of writing. Well done on the spotlight!

[inflames]

This is pretty cool! Very sarcastic. Awesome work here! Congrats on your spotlight.

[Jahaliel]

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. Very awesome story, the pacing was spot on and the story made me smile. Awesome work.

[everhopeful]

One thing I often mention about poetry I like is that it talks to the reader and not at them, and it's a quality this story has in spades. Even the 'in' references, for example Crazy Jane, where the reader isn't 'in' still don't exclude them. It makes me want to know more about the narrator as much as Dr Brightman, although his sharply sarcastic style makes me a little glad he was never my doctor!
Really enjoyed this one, congratulations on the spotlight!

[jsol]

This definitely left me wanting to know more about the narrator. Such interesting characters are this narrator and this Brightmon. And exposed so rapidly with such depth and vigor by way of this stunning situation. Yet, do I really want to know anymore about this? I think maybe you sort of told me just enough.